Earlier in the thread (too lazy to search through the 467 prior posts), it felt like there was an emerging consensus that tiger parenting is a continuum. I might even extend that to more of a grid (i.e. multiple components of parenting, with each component having its own continuum, with certain parts of the continuum being characteristic of tiger parenting). Thus, having a discussion of tiger parenting as a binary thing at this point is kind of perplexing to me.
That said, a few remarks on some of the recent posts:
Competition/Try Your Best: I really like @NiceUnparticularMan’s suggestion of trying your reasonable best. Maybe if my kid stays up studying and working every night until 2AM, the kid’s work product/test results will improve, but I don’t consider that a reasonable (or healthy) expectation. For some people, particularly perfectionists, “try your best” can lead them towards unhealthy habits. For others, it can feel very overwhelming (i.e. they think of needing to do their best as needing to put 100% of everything they have). This is part of where it comes down to knowing your kid as to whether you need to modify the “try your best” language to moderate it a bit.
Setting Goals: Yes, setting goals is good. But setting goals should be based on the kid’s own performance. For instance, having a kid set a goal for a 5-minute mile might be reasonable if they’re already running it in 5:15. If they’re at a 12-minute mile, that would be a very unreasonable goal (or, at the very least, would need to be a very long-term goal with incremental goals in-between and a willingness to change the ultimate goal). Aiming for a 1500 SAT could be a reasonable goal for someone who scored a 1470 on their first try. If someone scored an 1100 on the first try, setting a goal of 1500 is unreasonable. Setting goals should always be individualized and should have nothing to do with how others perform (whether better or worse than the individual).
Carrot vs Stick: I think this is where parents really need to think about their long-term parenting goals for their kids. What are the family’s long-term goals for their kids, and will a carrot or stick be more useful in achieving those goals? And where do the goals mentioned in Competition/Try Your Best fit in with respect to the long-term goals? We shouldn’t lose sight of the forest while focusing in on the trees.
Here are a number of examples of longer-term goals, several of which were inspired by this source.
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Being respectful
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Being responsible and accountable
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Being independent and self-reliant
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Having problem-solving and conflict resolution skills
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Setting boundaries
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Being curious
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Having a love of learning
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Being resilient
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Being self-confident with a strong sense of self
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Having relationships built on trust, respect, and open communication
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Feeling a sense of belonging
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Feeling loved and supported
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Feeling worthy
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Being kind and thoughtful
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Being emotionally and mentally healthy
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Being physically healthy