<p>
Is this an appropriate dynamic for a professional setting?</p>
<p>I can appreciate a senior mentor being solicitous to a younger professional protégé. But should older guys be treating younger female professionals as Uncle Bob would treat a dear niece at a Thanksgiving gathering? </p>
<p>
Cher means “dear” in French. Many in New Orleans grew up with a patois/creole version of franglais, so thats probably part of their vernacular.</p>
<p>Jym, exactly. It was exactly her vernacular. Much different than the 30 year old man at CVS calling me “Miss” to my 2014 50+ face. He needed to be educated. Much like the employees at a certain local fast food restaurant have been trained <em>not</em> to say “no problem” as the answer to “thank you” but instead say “it’s my pleasure”. Calling older customers “young lady” or “young man” needs to be stamped out by management, and we might need to start a movement…</p>
<p>^ CHICK-FIL-A!!!</p>
<p>“similarly situated men wouldn’t be called “young,” but I don’t understand why it’s offensive to call a person a “lady.” In many parts of the country, it’s simply a synonym for “woman,” as in, “That lady over there left one of her grocery bags.””</p>
<p>I have to say, that’s how I use lady as well. </p>
<p>I can’t stand being called “young lady” or “honey” by cashiers…it is a pet peeve of mine… I’m obviously not young and certainly not your honey…LOL. </p>
<p>In New York, you might be addressed as “lady,” as in “Hey lady, you dropped your umbrella.” In that situation, the male equivalent would usually be “mister,” or possibly “buddy.”</p>
<p>I don’t have a problem with it, unless the people know me well and know what I prefer to be called, <em>and</em> it is not at a meeting with third parties.</p>
<p>“young lady” tends to sound respectful, like acknowledging that the woman is a “lady”. “young gentleman” would be the equivalent.</p>
<p>Even if we are only a little south, like Maryland, getting called “honey” or “sweetie” regardless of gender is common.</p>
<p>In business meetings, I do find that older gentleman do not like to use first names, for example: “Bob has put together the report, and Ms. Smith has provided drawings and supplemental materials based on client specs”. Some older guys would not say “Mr. Jones” for Bob but would say “Ms. Smith” for Nancy.</p>
<p>The first name thing is kind of weird where I work, because you are often with both professors and students, and you normally would call “Dr. Jane Adams” Jane but if you are with a student, it feels weird to call a professor by their first name. Even worse is when staff members want to be called by their first name, but I grew up when students called professors “Dr. Whatever” and staff members “Ms. Harvey”. Of course I call Ms. Harvey by her first name Sally, but it is annoying that Sally tells students to call her Sally.</p>
<p>Eh, it’s a bit about respect, but as they say, call me anything but late for dinner.</p>
<p>I think “lady” versus “woman” may be a regional use. “Lady” (IMHO) refers to someone who doesn’t like getting her hands dirty. A woman is someone who’s capable of taking care of herself. </p>
<p>Where and when I grew up, “lady” was simply the polite way to refer to a woman. It had no connotations about what kind of lady she might be.</p>
<p>I said earlier that my co-workers objected to being called ladies- they thought it meant some sort of hoity-toity. I just like it better than the default, “women.” They wanted to be referred to as girls, because they thought it meant they were lively and fun. This was back in the days. I had male clients or techs who referred to me as “sweetie,” on the phone. “Thanks, sweetie, I’ll wait for the report.” I’m with Dale Carnegie- most people like to be called by their name.</p>
<p>There was an advice column in the paper yesterday in which somebody described a person who rejects gender labels and wants to be referred to as “they” and “them.” The columnist said that as a matter of respect, we should address and refer to people as they prefer. I told my wife that I prefer to be addressed as “your majesty.” </p>
<p>“I think “lady” versus “woman” may be a regional use. “Lady” (IMHO) refers to someone who doesn’t like getting her hands dirty. A woman is someone who’s capable of taking care of herself.”</p>
<p>This is very interesting. Like Hunt, I see it as just as variant on the term woman. And I’m from the urban NE whereas Hunt is from more rural VA IIRC. </p>
<p>Indeed, where I grew up, referring to somebody as a woman was likely to be somewhat disparaging, as in “Did you see that woman George left his wife for?”</p>
<p>Well, after reading the Urban Dictionary definitions for “lady,” I don’t think I will ever use the word again. </p>
<p><a href=“Urban Dictionary: lady”>Urban Dictionary: lady;
<p>Dog breath/lady, dog breath/lady…</p>
<p>I’m thinking in most instances it would be preferable to be referred to as a lady given these two choices.</p>
<p>See? And this is all fascinating to me. </p>
<p>the gentleman who calls the younger people working for him “young ladies and young men,” only does it in a grouping, as in “I’d like to see these four young ladies and these three young men in the conference room at four.” </p>
<p>He refers to everyone by their last name, as in Ms. PoetgrlD, or Mr. _____. They refer to him as Mr. etc…</p>
<p>So, that’s interesting. He clearly uses this as a term of respect. Of course, he does not call my D Young Lady, but Ms._____. </p>
<p>Hunt wrote:</p>
<h1>89 *Where and when I grew up, “lady” was simply the polite way to refer to a woman. It had no connotations about what kind of lady she might be. *</h1>
<h1>93 *Indeed, where I grew up, referring to somebody as a woman was likely to be somewhat disparaging, as in “Did you see that woman George left his wife for?” *</h1>
<p>if a woman isn’t always a “lady” then I have to think “lady” has some sort of connotation… </p>
<p>Well, the default assumption was that a woman is a lady. You would refer to a total stranger as a lady.</p>
<p>I should note that the same words don’t mean the same thing in every context. So, while “lady” was commonly used as a term for any woman you might see anywhere, people could also discuss whether a person was a “lady” or not based on her behavior, just as you might discuss whether somebody was a “gentleman” or not. I fully admit that there was a different standard in discussing men and women, at least in some context, but I don’t think using the term “lady” generically was really significant.</p>
<p>Basically I agree with you, Hunt. However, I think using the term “lady” generically when there is an underlying meaning where “woman” and “lady” don’t necessarily mean the same thing does become significant. I don’t know about everyone else, but I only understand the world through language, and what words mean impacts that view, even if I’m usually unconscious of it. “Lady” is a very weighted word, imho. I don’t think it is silly to think it changes perception to choose that word rather than another. ymmv</p>
<p>Basically I think “young lady” is patronizing unless you are going to say “young gentlemen.” “Young gentlemen” sounds archaic to me. What, then, does it mean that we still use “young lady”? And is referring to someone’s age in a business setting just basically patronizing? female or male? </p>