<p>A person from the South who uses “ma’am” will most likely use “sir” for men in the same situations–not patronizing, iin my opinion. I think “young lady” is patronizing when used to address a person, perhaps somewhat less when used to describe a person.</p>
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My grandfather used to address everybody as “Cousin.”</p>
<p>There is a retired partner at my firm who is above 90. Very sharp mentally and famous in his field, but he isn’t here enough to know everyone personally (law firms have huge turnover), so he calls everyone young lady or young sir. No one minds because of the specifics of the situation.</p>
<p>^. Most likely is much older than anyone he references with "young ", lady or gentleman. And probably means he doesn’t know or recall their names. And it’s better than calling them “dear” as I have heard a time or two. And speaking as one who is terrible with names, I give him a pass. </p>
<p>He is much older than most of the people he speaks to and is a lovely man who has done amazing things in his life. It is seriously an honor just to be addressed by him at all, and everything out of his mouth is kind, supportive, wise and interesting.</p>
<p>I don’t mind “young lady,” as long as the gentleman is old enough to be the “young lady’s” father. If a man is twenty five years older or so, it’s fine. I think we are getting insane about a lot of this stuff, and nobody would accuse me of not being a feminist. B-) </p>
<p>It’s a sign of respect, though I guess it could be condescending of you are “looking for it.” I hope my daughters would not be “looking for it.” </p>
<p>Actually, one of the gentlemen who has mentored my oldest daughter calls all the young women “young ladies.” He calls all the young men, “young men.” Anyone under thirty. He’s a fantastic guy. She adores him. He pays the women and men the same for the same job. He absolutely gives credit where credit is due, and he has had a terrific impact on her career. </p>
<p>At my age, I think young lady is used ironically, and in all good humor. </p>
<p>ETA: she is in the arts, and it could just be that everyone she works with has their eccentricities. Everyone. </p>
<p>The only people who should be addressed as 'young lady" in person are under ten, and even then, it’s shaky (IMHO)… 'Young “Lady” ’ would be an appropriate third-person reference for someone who is a member of the British upper classes. </p>
<p>If you want to make a descriptive reference to a human of the female sex, you can say “young woman.” </p>
<p>When I taught and wanted to quell my class’s noisiness, I used “Ladies and Gentlemen”. </p>
<p>It is very patronizing.</p>
<p>I am 52. Our next door neighbor is in his mid 60’s. He occasionally calls me young lady. Doesn’t bother me all all</p>
<p>In a professional context, they should treat the women the same way they treat the men. Full Stop. If you call a female employee “young woman,” you should also be saying “young man” to males of her age. If you are not commenting on the male’s clothing, don’t comment on the females either.</p>
<p>I’m having a bit of that issue working with a European client and is having some difficulty with a very able early 30s female employee of mine. We’re getting there, but she does have to prove herself a lot. I will say that the client doesn’t take its own women as seriously as it takes its men either, but I’m not going to try to deal with institutional sexism, only with how they treat my team.</p>
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Could you expand on why refer to a person as “young lady” is offensive but “young woman” isn’t? I can see objecting to “young lady” if similarly situated men wouldn’t be called “young,” but I don’t understand why it’s offensive to call a person a “lady.” In many parts of the country, it’s simply a synonym for “woman,” as in, “That lady over there left one of her grocery bags.”</p>
<p>J. Gatsby: “Old sport…”</p>
<p>Zsa Zsa Gabor: “Daaaaahling…”</p>
<p>Ugh, I wouldn’t cringe so much if the old farts also addressed the junior male engineers as “young man”, but they only address the junior female engineers as “young lady” and smile at them at the same time, using a tone like they’re talking to their mischievous granddaughter or pet poodle</p>
<p>context and tone probably count a lot in this one.</p>
<p>Am I the only one who sees the irony of some taking offense to ‘young lady’ while referring to others as ‘old farts’, or worse?</p>
<p>No one is addressing them in a business meeting as “old fart”</p>
<p>Anyone who is calling them “old fart” intends to be insulting and is owning the intent. For the retired partner at zoosermom’s firm that addresses all young people the same way, that is fine. For the 35 year old guy at the supermarket addressing women his mother’s age, that is not fine. Does he call men his father’s age “young man”? Learning the new male employees name, but treating the new female employees like toy poodles is nowhere near ok. Engineers need to keep learning technical data or they are out of the field. No reason they can’t also update their social skills. A competent manager would insist on it.</p>
<p>My boss calls me young lady quite frequently. He is 25 years older than me, thinks he is being sweet when he says that, and also calls me by name most of the time. As a person who is 25 years older than me, I know he has grown up in a different era and is unlikely to change in his (probably) last decade of life. I view it as a term of endearment from a father to a daughter, coming from someone his age. However- I can think of one instance when a young guy, maybe 25-30, called me that and I thought he was a fool. I have really enjoyed reading the varying reactions to this label. The use of language is so interesting. </p>
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No one is addressing them in a business meeting as “old fart”</p>
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<p>Oh, but haven’t we wanted to…</p>
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When I first moved there, the twenty-something clerk at the grocery store asked me “Did you find everything you needed cher?” I looked behind me for a tall celebrity with long dark hair. Nope, just another suburban mom. Oh! Little c cher…like baby.</p>