<p>Has she checked with her waitlist school recently for an update?</p>
<p>I say attend orientation and see how it goes. She seems to have it in mind that the state school, sounds like it was her safety application, is for losers. If she meets a couple of interesting kids, dare I say some cute guys knowing how my own D’s mind works, at orientation, she is likely to feel much better about it. </p>
<p>If it were my D, I would make a deal with her. Give it your best shot and if after a semester you hate it, we will come up with a plan B.</p>
<p>It can’t be said enough to these kids during senior year, make sure to apply to a safety that you would be happy to attend if it comes to that.</p>
<p>I agree with Snowdog. Go get started; give things a try with an open mind. This is a growth opportunity for your D. It might turn out well; if not, she can figure something else out. </p>
<p>My D went to a mid-size state school in another state for their audition-based theater program. She did not know anyone at the school. At first she disliked it and planned to transfer. But she did well in the theater program, made friends, lived in a cute rental house with theater friends for soph-senior years. </p>
<p>She decided to return to a long-held dream of becoming a doctor after two years of theater. Changed her major to biology and did well in the smaller college atmosphere, much better than she would have at our flagship state school where she was also admitted. She did original research with a biology professor, volunteered in an elder day care program, worked for a year after graduation in a memory care nursing home. </p>
<p>She just finished her third year of med school and will apply for residency programs as a surgeon this fall. Going away to an OK but not stellar college and making the best of things was the beginning of her long years of education in becoming a doctor. (She was also a camp counselor for two summers and used experiences there in her personal essays for med school.)</p>
<p>Since she was waitlisted, it would seem she has a chance as a transfer student.</p>
<p>So tell her to buckle down, with this in mind as a goal.</p>
<p>Also, tell her that an “A” student from her school can get into just as good a graduate school as a “B” student at the wait list school.</p>
<p>I know you feel bad for her, but eventually, you might want to sit down with her and remind her that one gets everything they WANT in life. Sometimes you come close (wait listed), but lose. You just can’t quit because you didn’t get into the school you wanted, the job you wanted, or get the boyfriend you wanted, etc. etc. etc. Also, there are probably literally millions of kids who did not get into their first choice. The rest of the kids out there will make the most of their next best alternative, because they have no choice.</p>
<p>Also, there are LOTS of great places to go to college. I know this is monday morning quarterbacking, but she should have applied to a NUMBER of schools she was enthusiastic about. There must have been some safeties she did like. Or could have liked.</p>
<p>Same things happened to me this year. I’m still attending a great school, but it’s not my dream school and since all the results I’ve been feeling depressed, useless, and tbh my confidence has taken a big hit :s BUT I’ve recovered by promising myself that I’ll try again as a transfer student, and that’s kind of motivated me to really hit the ground running once college starts so I can stand a chance at my dream schools. Let her know that “she’s not done yet” and hopefully she’ll be motivated to make the most of her current school :)</p>
<p>I know a few kids who are going to their dream schools but are unhappy. Some are not returning after freshman year. I wonder why but get no good answers.</p>
<p>I love this website. The insight, opinions and experiences are incredibly valuable.</p>
<p>To answer a few of the questions, DD applied to this school b/c she knew we could afford it and she could get in - it was a logical decision. She didn’t apply for honors b/c she didn’t want another reason why she should attend (a not so good decision!). She dislikes it b/c she feels she worked very hard in H.S. (she did) and yet her classmates who were accepted are those who partied all the time, didn’t show up for class, etc. </p>
<p>After reading the comments and the private emails, I am thinking the best plan of action is to see how she feels after orientation (I was going to mail the check for full payment of semester on Friday, but didn’t)… then discuss options and choices with her. This may sound really stupid, but I truly trust her and her choices. I think I’ve just been missing her cues and missing the opportunity to reassure her that this IS her choice, and she needs to be open about which path -given the choices presented - is best for her at the current time.</p>
<p>So if she tells me she can’t deal with attending this school - well, we’ll pull out and try again next year. If she tells me she’s going to try a semester, then I’ll mail the check. </p>
<p>I know this whole thing may be related to a normal fear of big change/separation or moving on. But regardless of the choice she makes, she WILL eventually face that fear and move on. If it takes a year or so to get there, so be it.</p>
<p>^Excellent :)</p>
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<p>She won’t understand this today, but she will know this at some time in the future. Some smart kids fail out of college and some slackers excel in college. It’s a new ballgame and it starts all over in college.</p>
<p>Doesn’t sound stupid at all, hanaliy. She sounds like a great kid, and you sound like a great parent!</p>
<p>She may also want to look into the Honors program when she is at orientation, esp. if she regrets not having done so in the first place and has the stats to qualify. Could make the difference in her experience at the school. There may be a way to get in now or second semester with a specific GPA. She should talk to her advisor or head over to admissions/registration to find out what she can do.</p>
<p>Something for your D to think about is that she has a great opportunity to excel in this environment. For example, shoot for Phi Beta Kappa and departmental awards. One of my degrees is from a university where the student body was not all that strong… but I recall that the professors were actually fabulous. She could get a lot from building relationships with her professors and being a star student. They will likely send interesting opportunities her way (chances to meet prestigous visitors to campus, internship tips, great recommendations, etc.). Just another way to look at it.</p>
<p>If she is motivated to go to school, just not this school, but decides to start out there anyway, just make sure she realizes her options for transfer will be much better if she does well in school. If she goes to school depressed, stays depressed and can’t manage to put the effort in, it will hurt her changes for transfer to a “better” school.</p>
<p>For poster #19, with the child who really doesn’t want to go to school at all…you should seriously consider a gap year. If she’s got something that will keep her busy and occupied (teaching Dance and salon work), it doesn’t really matter if she won’t be closer to a dance degree or a career. For some, a gap year is about exploring a career or a special interest, but, for many, it is an opportunity to mature, take a necessary break from academic life, to have some unstructured (but hopefully productive) time, and to recharge.</p>
<p>Is it too late for her to contact the honors program…they may have a few openings, especially if some students ended up being accepted off of waitlists. Or they might be willing to add her onto the program anyway.</p>
<p>So sorry you’re going through this. Has the WL closed? Part of her reluctance to “give her heart” to the state school may be the magical thinking that once she does, she’ll never get into the school where she’s waitlisted.</p>
<p>This time of year is awful – they’re not riding the happy high school senior wave anymore, and all that looms is a big unknown. My D got off the WL, but when I took her down for move-in, she was crying all the way and I felt physically ill. She kept saying she didn’t want to go there, none of her friends were there, etc.</p>
<p>This may seem off-topic, but I remember taking Lamaze class years ago, and they talked about the stages of childbirth. And the hardest one is called Transition.</p>
<p>Good luck. {hugs}</p>
<p>“she knew we could afford it and she could get in”</p>
<p>This clearly is an academic and financial safety, so good for her! Her only (possible) mistake was not liking it quite enough. Had she liked it better, she probably would have applied to the honors program.</p>
<p>Her best chance of good financial aid is by applying as a freshman. If money is an issue for your family, and she has any doubts after orientation, I would recommend the gap year. Even one semester of college credits after high school can make her a transfer applicant at many colleges and universities and her aid package will be nowhere nearly as good as if she were a freshman applicant.</p>
<p>For lots of useful reading on that topic, see the Financial Aid Forum.</p>
<p>Wishing you all the best!</p>
<p>So sorry your DD is going through this angst. If I had read a similar post 4 1/2 years ago, I probably would have encouraged my DD to take a gap year. Many European countries are not that far off the mark, on this topic, IMO. Our twins ( b and g) applied to many of the same schools and a few that were different. They were accepted to a number of great schools, but none were their first choice. both ended up at same top 50 LAC. My daughter, like yours, was dreading everything about the move to a school her heart was not into. Like a lot of kids, she felt she would be a failure if she did not gradate from college in 2012. She spent the better part of 4 years at what for most, is a fabulous school-unhappy and did not enjoy the social part of college. She even spent 2 semesters at a major in -state school ) very challenging workload. It turns out our DS was also not a fan of this school. I wold say the old adage about listening your inner voice makes some sense. There may be a number of reasons ( size of campus, % of Greek life students, etc. It truly is okay to decide you have changed your mind. the collegiate experience is about more than academics. If she knows you support her, the decision to take a year off for her will be a good one</p>
<p>Your comment about the school being an “academic and financial safety” raises red flags for me. If family finances are an issue – and they are for lots of families – you need to understand that if she attends this school even for a semester and then transfers she is very likely to get a poor financial aid package at the new school, unless they are one of a handful that give good financial aid to transfer students. This is one case where a gap year could be a tremendous blessing unless she comes back from orientation thoroughly committed to this school. </p>
<p>The other key thing: It isn’t a safety if it isn’t a school you want to attend. If she does take a gap year, a more careful search to identify safety schools (several of them) where
- She is very likely to be admitted
- Your family can afford the cost given the likely financial aid
- She finds something she can love about going to that school OTHER than cost or the fact that she will easily be admitted.</p>
<p>Well, we made it through orientation. In the car ride over, DD openly expressed not wanting to go to this college or orientation - she was completely angst. So I explained she had lots of options - that she did not have to go this year - I would support a gap year, or she could try a semester and see what she thought - whatever choice she made, I would support. Orientation started dreadfully - she put forth no effort to participate or meet people. I met another Mom and on break through happenstance, introduced my DD to her son, they made pals - that helped a little.</p>
<p>At the end of the evening I asked how she was feeling and what she was thinking. To my surprise, she said some things her orientation leader said had spoken to her. The OL talked about how attitude makes the difference in everything you do in life; and the OL gave the seed/ “bloom where you are planted” talk. DD said she felt like she could bloom where planted. The next day her attitude improved immensely. She personally spoke with two service/volunteer groups for kids in need about her interest in serving; picked a major, laid out 12 month plan with goals (which included applying for honors after the end of first semester); and registered for classes. </p>
<p>She’s definitely not in love or even like with the college itself, but I think she has reached a point of acceptance and appreciation for the opportunity it offers (there were sooo many choices!). The goals she set included a realistic path for achieving a certain life long child hood dream of hers. I think this will keep her self motivated and focused on something other than what she doesn’t like about the school.</p>