It Gets Better Project.

[emeraldkity4]

<p>Way to go Dan.
[Showing</a> Gay Teenagers a Happy Future - NYTimes.com](<a href=“http://well.blogs.nytimes.com/2010/09/22/showing-gay-teens-a-happy-future/]Showing”>Showing Gay Teenagers a Happy Future - The New York Times)</p>

<p>

The message: life really does get better after high school.

</p>

[DonnaL]

<p>Great idea.</p>

<p>I wish there were something that could be done to make the lives of all the despairing LGBT teens out there better right away. But given the environment so many of them live in, “hang in there” is probably the best advice that can be given.</p>

<p>Life certainly got better for my son after high school. And unlike so many gay teenagers, he was in a comparatively affirming environment.</p>

<p>And Dan Savage is absolutely right that the presence of LGBT celebrities on TV doesn’t do much to help. Who can relate to that? </p>

<p>Back before the Flood, when I was a teenager, knowing about Christine Jorgensen, and seeing Jan Morris on TV once, and reading all the hateful stuff about Renee Richards when she first came on the scene, sure didn’t help me feel much better about myself. The first time I actually communicated with another trans person was in 2002; the first time I met anyone in person was in 2003. It helped, but it would have been nice, and very meaningful, if something like that could have happened about 30 years earlier, and I hadn’t had to feel so completely alone for so long.</p>

<p>A couple of years ago, I met with some trans high school students from the Harvey Milk School to talk a little about my experiences, specifically about my experience of transitioning at my job as a lawyer. Not to present myself as any kind of role model, which is the last thing I’d want, but maybe to give them some encouragement. I didn’t really expect them to relate to me, but they seemed to, and a couple of them told me afterwards that it did encourage them to believe that maybe going on to higher education, and being accepted in the world of work, weren’t just a fantasy. Even if it helped a little, it was worth it.</p>

[emeraldkity4]

<p>High school was so hard for me that I dropped out.
Being a teen period. is hard.
Having anything about yourself that is different from what you perceive to be is rough, but some communities can make it seem ok to take your own insecurities out on the vulnerable.</p>

<p>I agree that if shooting for " hanging on" for kids is what gets them through the week, to start another one that, that can be an eye opener.</p>

<p>I wasn’t aware there was a Harvey Milk school, although I just went to the museum last year- I am going to find out more about it.</p>

[pugmadkate]

<p>

…and a couple of them told me afterwards that it did encourage them to believe that maybe going on to higher education, and being accepted in the world of work, weren’t just a fantasy.

</p>

<p>DonnaL, You are a role model. You refused to give up, to buy into the lie that you were doomed or did not deserve to be happy, the lie that you were not fully human. I’m so glad that those kids got to meet you.</p>

<p>Even among our most enlightened friends, when PMKjr came out some of them really worried about his future. Nothing else had changed about my sweet son with his bright future but to them, it was enough of a change to warrent worry. They had bought into the lie that there is something inherently wrong with people who are not heterosexual, rather than seeing the higher rates of suicide, etc. as being the result of such poor treatment at the hands of people who did not/do not see them as fully human. </p>

<p>It does get better and I firmly believe that it is within our grasp to protect these kids at ever younger ages. The combination of sorrow and rage I feel when I read of yet another gay or lesbian teenager who killed themselves is heartbreaking. This just cannot continue.</p>

[emeraldkity4]

<p>Having anything about yourself that is different from what you perceive to be is rough, but some communities can make it seem ok to take your own insecurities out on the vulnerable.</p>

<p>ack that is the most awkward sentence ever- sounds like changing horses in the middle of the stream.</p>

<p>I meant that even in “liberal seattle,” we have physical and emotional abuse of those who are perceived to be different- hate crimes you might call them, although I think any violent act other than self defense is a hate crime- what else would it be?
And communities where that line of thinking is encouraged.</p>

<p>But people who are confident and centered, don’t harrass and don’t harm others.
[Pair</a> charged with hate crime in beating of West Seattle teen](<a href=“http://www.komonews.com/news/local/103483959.html]Pair”>http://www.komonews.com/news/local/103483959.html)</p>

<p>[Local</a> News | South Park stabbing victim had “taste for life” | Seattle Times Newspaper](<a href=“http://seattletimes.nwsource.com/html/localnews/2009511055_webstabfolo21m.html]Local”>http://seattletimes.nwsource.com/html/localnews/2009511055_webstabfolo21m.html)</p>

[Emaheevul07]

<p>I love the idea of this project. Something like this could be useful for all teens. I was involved in a teen support group for depression when I was a teen and continued to be involved in the group as an adult, and it is so hard to hammer into kids that age that what they are experiencing in high school and at home is not permanent. I imagine for teens dealing with something that intense would need even more help to see the light at the end of the tunnel, so to speak. It’s wonderful that Mr. Savage put this together for LGBT teens. I’m going to forward the link to some friends who should see it.</p>

[cornmuffin]

<p>I also posted a link to this project on my FB page. HS was the hardest time of my life, and I am sure that is true of most people. I highly recommend everyone visit this link, especially people in the helping/education professions, so they can pass it along to teens. Thank you, Dan Savage.</p>

[emeraldkity4]

<p>Another teen bullied to death.
:(</p>

<p>[Antigay</a> Bullying Prompts Houston Suicide | News | Advocate.com](<a href=“http://advocate.com/News/Daily_News/2010/09/28/Antigay_Bullying_Prompts_Houston_Suicide/]Antigay”>Antigay Bullying Prompts Houston Suicide)</p>

[DonnaL]

<p>So horribly sad. I couldn’t possibly be angry at anyone more than I am at the people who cause this kind of thing, and help create the climate in which antigay bullying is seen as acceptable by the repulsive little monsters who do it. I don’t believe what the school says for one minute.</p>

[emeraldkity4]

<p>I don’t believe it either Donna.</p>

<p>Our school district also doesn’t respond to many parental complaints ( about anything), but at least we have a Safe Schools Coalition.
[About</a> Us - Safe Schools Coalition](<a href=“http://www.safeschoolscoalition.org/about_us.html]About”>About Us - Safe Schools Coalition)</p>

[pugmadkate]

<p>It’s horrific. This poor boy and those who love him, my heart breaks again.</p>

<p>I also do not believe one word that the school is saying. Nor do I believe that not one faculty or staff member ever saw any of the bullying. How do they sleep at night?</p>

[DonnaL]

<p>I wonder why it is that in some schools, kids can be totally and awesomely supportive, and eager to fight bigotry:</p>

<p>[Transgender</a> senior can’t be king | WOOD TV8](<a href=“http://www.woodtv.com/dpp/news/local/muskegon_county/No-‘king’-title-for-transgender-senior]Transgender”>http://www.woodtv.com/dpp/news/local/muskegon_county/No-‘king’-title-for-transgender-senior)</p>

<p>And in others, not so much. I hate to think it’s entirely dependent on what region of the country a school is located in, but it sometimes seems that way.</p>

[pipmom]

<p>I was unaware of the Houston teen’s suicide- I don’t think it has been reported in mainstream local news here to any great degree. I am surprised that the gay community here, which is large, has not been more vocal. I am also surprised that our mayor, the first openly gay woman to be elected mayor of a major city, has not made any statements about gay bullying either. </p>

<p>I have to wonder if complacency may set in after high school, once things get better. </p>

<p>The neighborhood this boy was from is in an outskirt of Houston- a suburb, if you will, known for conservative values- far more conservative than Houston proper.</p>

[DonnaL]

<p>If I’m not mistaken, this happened at another school in the same school district, just last year:</p>

<p>[Student</a> attacked with metal pipe said school administrators did nothing to help | khou.com | KHOU.com Home Page](<a href=“http://www.khou.com/home/Student-allegedly-chased-beat-with-metal-pipe-says-school-administrators-did-nothing-to-help-70430507.html]Student”>http://www.khou.com/home/Student-allegedly-chased-beat-with-metal-pipe-says-school-administrators-did-nothing-to-help-70430507.html)</p>

<p>

Posted on November 19, 2009 at 12:04 AM</p>

<p>HOUSTON – A Langham Creek High School freshman who said he’s the victim of a hate crime is speaking out.
Jayron Martin said he begged two principals at his school and his bus driver for help before he was hit repeatedly with a metal pipe.</p>

<p>Martin said the help never came. He said it took a neighbor with a shotgun to stop the beating.</p>

<p>“They didn’t do anything,” said Martin. “They never called me down or nothing.”</p>

<p>The attack happened after school November 12, near the 6100 block of Langham Mist Lane.</p>

<p>According to the 16-year-old, the attack took place off campus. He said a fellow student beat him after school while eight others stood around and watched. Martin believes he was beaten because he’s gay.

</p>

<p>As for the latest tragedy, Dan Savage has a comment I agree with:</p>

<p>[Bullied</a> Thirteen-Year-Old Gay Boy In Texas Takes His Own Life | Slog | The Stranger, Seattle’s Only Newspaper](<a href=“http://slog.thestranger.com/slog/archives/2010/09/28/bullied-thirteen-year-old-gay-boy-in-texas-takes-his-own-life]Bullied”>http://slog.thestranger.com/slog/archives/2010/09/28/bullied-thirteen-year-old-gay-boy-in-texas-takes-his-own-life)</p>

<p>

So who can be held responsible? According to the report in the Chronicle, Asher was bullied by four other students. Hamilton Middle School administrators know who bullied Asher Brown to death. Asher Brown’s parents most likely know the names of the students who bullied their son to death. The four students who bullied 13-year-old Asher Brown to death should be indicted just like the six bullies who bullied 15-year-old Phoebe Prince to death. And if it can be proven that school administrators did nothing to protect Asher Brown after his parents called and begged them to protect their son—and then lied to the media about it—they should all be fired.

</p>

<p>I’m not holding my breath.</p>

[DonnaL]

<p>More details from the Houston Chronicle. This is just unspeakably tragic:</p>

<p>[Parents:</a> Bullying drove Cy-Fair 8th-grader to suicide | Houston & Texas News | Chron.com - Houston Chronicle](<a href=“http://www.chron.com/disp/story.mpl/metropolitan/7220896.html]Parents:”>http://www.chron.com/disp/story.mpl/metropolitan/7220896.html)</p>

<p>

“He was just such a sweet boy,” says Brown’s mother Amy Truong.</p>

<p>David Truong says he arrived home finding his stepson shot to death.</p>

<p>“I thought he was laying there reading a book or something. My son put a gun to his head because he couldn’t take what he was hearing and the constant teasing,” says David Truong.</p>

<p>Brown’s mother arrived home from work finding her home in chaos.</p>

<p>“I saw yellow tape and police cars in front of my house,” says Amy Truong while choking back tears of mourning.</p>

<p>Brown was in eighth grade at Hamilton Middle School.</p>

<p>A “No Bullying School Zone” sign is clearly posted out front; a sign the Truongs say their son’s tormentors ignored for two years.</p>

<p>“It’s just not fair and the ultimate result is my son is dead. He just couldn’t take it anymore,” says Amy Truong.</p>

<p>The family actually relocated to the Cypress-Fairbanks area, away from another district because they say Asher Brown was also being bullied there – a move they say only made things worse.</p>

<p>“For some reason, he stood out and people were just cruel. Kids were cruel to my kid. He was very different. He’s not the type of kid that would try to wear the newest clothes or try to do the coolest thing. He was an individual,” says David Truong.</p>

<p>“Asher was a great boy. He was very smart,” says his mother.</p>

<p>The Truongs say over this past summer, Brown confided in them that he was gay. The parents say the conversation went so well, they believe he went on to confess to children at his school.</p>

<p>“They called him different names for being homosexual. He just had enough,” says David Truong.</p>

<p>Facebook is now full of condolences for the 13-year-old student. An outpouring of love from his peers, over his death. Love he obviously did not feel in life.</p>

<p>“It has to stop. I don’t want any other family to have to go make funeral arrangements like I did for my son. He wasn’t supposed to die at 13,” says Amy Truong.</p>

<p>The Truongs say their son often tried to hide that he was being picked on because he felt the bullying would get worse if he told. They say the night before his suicide, he seemed sad. When they asked what was wrong, they say they let it go after he said he was fine.</p>

<p>They are encouraging other parents to push past the “I’m fine,” because Asher Brown is proof the problem could be much more serious than anyone would imagine.

</p>

<p>The most recent comment on the story is from someone saying they knew him:</p>

<p>

I go to Hamilton Middle School. I had a class with Asher in 6th grade…He was unique(but very nice and smart) and because of this people bullied him. In 7th grade he was in my TAKS room. The day before he had been out sick, and when he came back to school the next day, he had a rash of some sort. The students all made fun of him; he hid under his desk. The teacher did NOTHING about it, and I felt absolutely horrible. Now I wish I had stood up for him, but I was too afraid to because of fear of being picked on myself, so I stayed quiet. How in the world does a teacher not notice that?! How can you not see what’s going on? It sickens me! All the APs worry about there is the dress code and if you are tardy or not. Never do they do anything on bullying! The day we found out Asher died, people were still making fun of him. Yes, many of the 8th graders cried, but some laughed it off. One student made a rude remark and said “Asher finally killed himself!” Another said “No one cared about him anyway.” It’s this kind of hate that ruins our world. I feel like I can’t look my peers in the eyes anymore after I knew what they did-bully a kid to his death. I’m still unsure about the whole staircase thing though, that was a rumor going on around the school, no one claimed to have seen it…There’s alot of rumors going around
HMS has done nothing so far to speak out against bullying. Sure, they put a sign up in the commons that said bullying was bad. But honestly, what’s THAT going to do? I still see students picking on others, the sign has had no affect what so ever! The principal needs to have an assembly and talk to the students about bullying. There NEEDS to be consequences! I just hope the students of Hamilton change their ways before this happens again.

</p>

<p>There are plenty of other comments from people familiar with this particular school:</p>

<p>

am currently going to HMS (Hamilton) and my friend and I knew him and we noticed that he was getting bullied but anyone different at that school gets bullied for the smallest things. I am only 14 and I would say Lunch is the worst part of the day. Kids get picked on because of who they hang out with, their hair style, or even because of how they talk. My friend’s friend was there when a couple of cold hearted kids pushed him down and called him names, they even tripped him and threatened to beat him up because of how different he was. And all HMS can do about it is put up new ‘no bulling’ sign that no one pays attention to? The worst part is that some few kids at school are glad that he’s gone. Everyone on Monday (Yesterday) wore blue as a memory of Asher and many of the kids asked “why should we?”. On the Monday of last week there was a fight on the stairs between two guys and the teachers couldn’t even go up there and stop it. This will most likely lead to another tragedy because of how bad the school is starting to become.

</p>

<p>

We are furious and saddened to hear about the death of Asher Brown. Posting a No Bullying sign in the cafeteria is an insult! The administration and teachers should be ashamed for letting things go on for so long. And when are the students who are perpetrating these crimes going to be punished? Bullying will not stop until these kids experience serious consequences. The school needs to take aggressive steps to get this horrible bullying under control – it should’ve been done a long, long time ago especially since it’s obvious, based on the outcry in these posts, that the school and district have been aware of numerous instances of bullying at Hamilton Middle School. It’s time for accountability!</p>

<p>The district certainly knew about our daughter’s claims of bullying at Hamilton MS. She spent 1.5 miserable years at that school thanks to bullying and we made sure they knew about it. She was kicked, tripped, pushed (including on the stairs), called a freak, a weirdo, and numerous other names to painful to mention in this post. When she was being physically abused, teachers either looked the other way or told her they didn’t see anything even though our daughter saw the teacher see what happened. Our daughter’s lower extremities (especially her shins) were frequently peppered with bruises due to the physical abuse she endured in the halls at Hamilton.</p>

<p>When our daughter was one month away from beginning 7th grade at Hamilton, she was an emotional wreck. We tried to get her transferred then but were told that we were beyond the transfer deadline and that there was no way she would be granted a transfer. That’s when we began working with a therapist. After about three months of counseling, the therapist said that we were to remove our daughter immediately from Hamilton. She had determined that our daughter was being physically and emotionally abused and that her life was in serious jeopardy.</p>

<p>We have over 40 pages of emails documenting the bullying and we made countless phone calls, to no avail. The seventh grade counselor said he was keeping an eye on our daughter and that she seemed to be doing just fine. He had not observed any bullying. If he really was keeping an eye on our daughter, he would know she was being bullied. It was quite obvious.

</p>

<p>And on and on.</p>

[pipmom]

<p>Man oh man oh man. This is terrible. I agree that the school admins need to be held accountable. And if it is proven that they did nothing, I hope there is more than just a firing. The parents need to sue. This breaks my heart.</p>

[Northstarmom]

<p>I shared the It Gets Better information with the head of my city’s PFLAG group, and with my young gay friends including a college student whose mother blamed the student’s lesbianism on the fact that the mother was recently diagnosed with breast cancer.</p>

[pipmom]

<p>NSM- Did the mom really believe that? Maybe having been recently diagnosed with cancer, the mom’s emotional state was not OK.</p>

[emeraldkity4]

<p>I am sick to my stomach- This has got to stop.</p>

<p>[Investigation</a> for bullying after attempted suicide - Bakersfield.com](<a href=“http://www.bakersfield.com/news/local/x47915091/Police-school-investigating-bullying-after-attempted-suicide]Investigation”>http://www.bakersfield.com/news/local/x47915091/Police-school-investigating-bullying-after-attempted-suicide)</p>

[emeraldkity4]

<p>On a more positive note, I visited a friend yesterday & he told me about his father ( who is a throwback oldschool Marine sargeant- southern fundamentalist), who stayed with him & his husband during a recent visit.</p>

<p>While he couldn’t say his dad was going to take out billboards proclaiming his support of gays in the military , he did have a tolerable visit & his father went back to Virginia in one piece.</p>

<p>I think we need to talk about acceptance of all, more- because silence = approval.</p>