So I used to be real motivated. I wanted to be a physicist and engineer. I would and still do lay awake at night thinking about it. But I just dont have the motivation anymore. I want it back but it’s not like i dont want to be in this possition either. At age 18 my dad and i got into a fight and I moved to my aunts and uncles house. I ended up barely graduating highschool all because of my last year (senior english class). What happened between my dad and I was known by the WHOLE family and they all sided with me. They disowned my dad. Now at the age of 20 I couldnt handle it anymore so I called my dad and met up with him. I missed him. For some reason the fire I had for physics and engineering was slowly dieing because he wasnt there. I remember being an honor student up until my junior year. In my senior year the only thing that changed was the fact that my dad was no longer in my life and that i was living somewhere else. I end up finding out that what happened between my dad and I was a HUGE miscommunication on both of our parts. So I decided to move back in with him. My aunts and uncles got mad. My aunt (my dad’s sister) was always calling him the devil. All the sudden, when I move back in with my dad, i see who the manipulator was. My aunt told me my dad had manipulated me and told me lies my whole life. Come to find out it’s my aunt that hates my dad, she thinks he’s the devil and says he will go to hell. She wants revenge and is just filled with her own hate. I swore, when she told me that my dad manipulated me, that i would never let someone do that again. I questioned everyone but her. I trusted her but she didnt care about me. She didnt take care of me or help me so I moved on to someone who would; my dad. She hardly talks to me because my dad and i are talking. Things should be better. I finally have my own room, computer, desk, a comfortable bed, food to eat, new clothes (no more tapeing my shoes), gas money, health insurance, car insurance… everything. But I was too late. I’ve lost the fire for engineering, for college. I’m tired, exausted. I just feel shocked. My whole world was litterally turned upside down TWICE. I cry everyday. I thought when I moved back home it would stop; it has a little but I still do it at least once a week. I’m scared like i’m on a cliff and just scared to jump. That feeling of uneasiness is in me and I dont know how to get it out. I dont know why i feel this way. I’m stronger right? I’m my father’s daughter who can accomplish and fight through anything right? Who am I?.. Who is this person i’ve become? I just want to lay in bed all day. I’ve missed many assignments in my Calc 2 class and Engineering 101 class; so much that I think I have to withdrawl or I will fail. I tried going to my college counselor to ask for help earlier when I felt this feeling comming back but the receptionist was a bi*ch. She sat there while I GUESSED the days that my counselor was available. “Can I come in tuesday”, “no she’s not in on tuesday”… silence, … staring… “well then can I come in…” etc… I got mad and left. I tried talking to my dad about it but he says that i’m stronger than that and keeps tellling people i’m going to be an engineer. I dont know what to do anymore. I feel like i just need a break but i’ve already pushed myself back three semesters from getting my associates degree and being able to transfer to a university. Also my dad says the only thing he wants me to do is go to school and get good grades. That’s the only reason he let me live here. I can’t just lay around and do nothing. I know this. He knows this. BUT i feel like i’m at the end of my rope. I just need to take time off of school. It’s overwhelming me. I’m starting to hate it. What should I do? Should I take time off? Should I force myself to keep going with a major that I’m passionate about but I dont have the motivation for? Or should I just drop the classes and change my major to something “easier” a.s.a.p.?.. and if so then how do I tell my dad about this? I’m afraid he’s going to kick me out.
If you give up on your “dream major” chances are you will end up regretting it. The best advice I can think to give you is MOVE OUT. Get a dorm – even if it means 2k more in student loans. The change in environment (and sense of community) will be well worth the extra $$
That’s what I was thinking too. But I just spent my grant on a bed, desk, computer, tv etc… So it’s like what do I do with all that stuff? My dad re-painted the room and everything. He let me pick any color I like, red; and he hates red. He keeps talking about how much better things are since I moved back in. Since my community college doesnt have dorms I would have to get an appartment, which also means a job. Idk. I feel like i’m just stuck.
Ah… Your school being a CC changes things. Have you thought about transferring to a state university without an Associates? The living situation would be solved and they will likely offer you a fair amount of financial aid (merit and need based).
I think taking “time off” from school will only exacerbate the problem. If I were you, I would research engineering professors at your closest State Uni and find one whose research interests mirrior your own. Send him/her an email, express interest in their program, ask them for a reading list or suggestions on how to expand your knowledge outside of the class room, etc. At best, this can secure you a spot as a summer research assistant; at the very least, it will provide you with some sort of goal – something to work towards – and that is the very best sense of motivation.
Yes I have thought of transferring. I havent because… idk. I’m the first one in my family to take the leap to a University. It’s scary I guess. Also i dont want to be in dept… but I guess, at this rate, that can’t be helped.
I’m going to take you up on your advice though. I really do believe it would help me get my motivation back. The University in town is just a few minutes away so it should be easy for me to find a professor.
I would advise you to either transfer to a state uni (as stated above) or just try to do your best in those intro classes. Later you can take higher level classes and find your interest, that will help you get back your “spark” for engineering.
Good luck! And remember, paying off school loans will be very do-able with an engineer’s salary.
I sent you a PM. Please read it!