<p>Since we like to talk about manners and weddings and so on…
on another board someone was talking about attending one. $45 per person, cash bar, light appetizers. The purpose of the party? To raise cash for the upcoming wedding.
Bahahahaha! Good grief.</p>
<p>Gives new meaning to the term “tacky.”</p>
<p>What? We are going to a Jack and Jill shower…which we actually think is a nice idea. Gifts are for the couple and both will be there. BUT the hosts are NOT charging admission. Sorry…that IS tacky.</p>
<p>A shower is a nice idea. A party where you have to pay to attend – not so nice.</p>
<p>What’s a Jack and Jill party? (I’ve heard of Jack and Jill social groups for young people in the AA community, but I gather this is something else?)</p>
<p>I had never heard of a Jack & Jill until we moved to western MA. It’s a party for the engaged couple - usually held at a hall - to raise money for them. I think it’s terribly tacky. Not only do you pay admission (there’s usually food and maybe a DJ) but all kinds of raffles and other “fundraising” tactics. I’ve never gone to one and don’t plan to in the future.</p>
<p>This does not take the place of a shower(s), so you still have those and the wedding to buy gifts for.</p>
<p>It does seem to be the accepted thing to do here… It reminds me of the “dollar dance” I’ve seen at weddings which I thought was tacky too. Most of the weddings I’ve been to here are all cash bars too, which I wan’t expecting. Not that we’re big drinkers, but we were totally unprepared!</p>
<p>Wow. I don’t think those exist in NJ. I would think that shower and wedding gifts would be enough or more than.</p>
<p>Not all Jack and Jill parties are to extract funds from the guests. I have been to some in New England where it really just means that the shower includes both the future bride and groom. And I like that. They’ll BOTH be using the gifts-it’s no longer necessary to provide a dowery!</p>
<p>I’ve never been to a party where admission is charged.</p>
<p>I’ve heard that the trend is cash bars to discourage people from getting drunk and then driving. That’s what we did at a recent off-site school fund-raiser. Drinks were there if one wanted but not an endless supply.</p>
<p>Cash bar at a school fundraiser is completely different than at a private social event. The idea of charging money to raise money for a couple’s wedding is awful, awful, awful. I would not attend.</p>
<p>Can we separate out the idea of a cash bar and charging admission?</p>
<p>For many couples, the alternative o a cash bar is no bar at all.</p>
<p>I’ve had three people in the last few months just straight-up ask for “donations” for their wedding. I’ve never heard of Jack & Jill things.</p>
<p>I explained away ONE as just off their rocker. With three though, I’m hoping it’s not some disturbing new trend. </p>
<p>It’s baffling to me. If you can’t afford a wedding, have a smaller one or put it off. Sometimes I really hate being part of the “me” generation.</p>
<p>Ick. Haven’t ever been invited to one of these and hope they stop and don’t spread.</p>
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<p>I don’t see the distinction, personally. Have the affair you can afford, whether that means cutting back in some other area, limiting to a single toast of champagne, having just wine/beer or the proverbial punch bowl, or yes, even no alcohol at all. A cash bar is no different than charging invited guests to pour a glass at your home.</p>
<p>I think given how out of whack the cultural expectations surrounding weddings seem to be becoming, I’m honestly not too surprised that couples are turning to these sorts of things thinking they’re a good idea. </p>
<p>There’s so much sort of keeping up with others and trying to have this magazine-worthy wedding. These brides really seem to convince themselves (and I at times have fallen guilty for the hype, too) that you NEED to have uplighting and Chiavari (sp?) chairs and all this other hoopla to have a wedding, and all of this doesn’t come cheap. </p>
<p>That being said, I don’t think that a Jack and Jill party is a good idea and it definitely offends my sensibilities. I guess I’ve just sort of stopped being surprised and really started being more empathetic seeing how much pressure there can be on a couple to make things perfect/convenient for everybody else.</p>
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<p>I find this kind of interesting because I am under tremendous pressure to serve alcohol at my wedding. I will be, in the form of wine and beer, but truth be told I can’t really afford it and we are struggling to make sure that the rest of the wedding doesn’t stray too crazy out of budget. While in theory I’d love to just serve a toast or nothing at all (I don’t even drink), I have have numerous people express the sentiment to me that they would NOT attend a wedding at which alcohol was not an option. From their perspective, they would rather have a cash bar and have the option to have a few drinks than not have the option at all. Kind of like if they came to my apartment, knowing that we don’t keep any alcohol, and brought their own drinks at their own expense.</p>
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<p>I would agree with this, but you get into a sticky situation when you are in a social circle which sincerely thinks you’re not being a good host if alcohol isn’t at least available as an option. My family would be GENUINELY offended if I did any of the things you suggest, to them it would be akin to inviting a bunch of people to a five hour party without serving food or having bathrooms available. There would be outrage. I didn’t want to serve alcohol at all because we don’t drink and don’t like to be around it, and my mother was mortified. I think there are some concessions you have to make when you are dealing with unreasonable people, and I am not particularly worried about doing so since in my social circle this is what they agreeably expect me to do. My family has no problem with a cash bar so long as there are ample other beverages for them to enjoy, especially if they can have a certain number of bar drinks free. If I were inviting 300 people from all across the continent who are accustomed to different social customs, I might be worried-- but I just have to deal with my crazy family.</p>
<p>There reaches a point, to me, where if the guests are going to make such ridiculous demands and liken the availability of vodka to the availability of food or a restroom, I really don’t care if they pay for it themselves. I haven’t yet decided if we’ll offer beer and wine only and not tell anyone so they will still show up, or pay for beer and wine and allow a cash bar for the relatives who were too close to exclude but who are too crass to agree to come to a party where they can’t get liquor. In a perfect world I’d serve punch and pop and water and iced tea and not care who shows up, but I do care if a portion of my very small family refuses to attend my wedding.</p>
<p>Otherwise, this version of a Jack and Jill party is not something I’ve ever heard of. The only Jack and Jill party I’ve ever heard of is a co-ed shower. I think there have been threads about wedding fundraisers before. I do agree that it’s very tacky. People give so much for weddings already between what they pay to attend the wedding, the gift, and frequently a shower gift. I am hoping nobody brings gifts to our engagement party because I feel guilty as it is worrying that people think we expect this. We just want them to come spend time with us, and not complain about the liquor! :P</p>
<p>I don’t get this at all. When you are invited to a party, you are a guest. You are not the honoree, and don’t have any right to do anything other than graciously accept the hospitality offered to you – whatever it is. When a person says they won’t come without free —whatever—that is outside your budget, I would just look disappointed and say “Oh no! I will miss having you at My Big Day”. Would guests refuse to come if you have chicken instead of turkey? Roast beef instead of steak? What kind of friends/family tell you to run into debt because they want you to?</p>
<p>Never heard of raising money for the wedding. Wow is that nasty. Would not attend. A wedding is a public display of committment for two people, with those who love them as witnesses. It isn’t an extortion opportunity or street fair.</p>
<p>I have no problem with a cash bar. Having an open bar increases the cost of each guest(even those that don’t drink) by $20 or more. </p>
<p>I am not going to spend money to go to a party so that the couple can have a nicer wedding. Like the rest of us, they better get used to living off what they make.</p>
<p>What’s next – a party for which “guests” are charged so the couple can afford to buy a bigger house??</p>
<p>~ This is the Bride’s idea. More parties. Or more of her friends want to get more involved and throw more parties. A wedding shower - this is not the way the groom wants to spend his afternoon. Is there sports on tv with beer? Even the idea of receiving $$ doesn’t make up for it.</p>
<p>I don’t see the big deal with cash bars. It’s saying it wasn’t in your budget but you still wanted people to have that option if they choose. What’s wrong with that?</p>