<p>I have never encountered a party that is held to “raise” funds for a wedding. I think it is a terrible idea and I would politely decline if ever invited to one. I agree with a previous poster; plan the wedding you can afford. It is not really important whether that wedding is a picnic in the park or a Four Seasons gala. Either can be a wonderful celebration of the couple.</p>
<p>This is not new here - we moved here in 1987 and saw ads in the paper for Jack & Jill parties then (that’s how they invite people). So it’s not an idea someone recently came up with for a cash grab - it’s been going on for many, many years. It is very accepted here and people seem to enjoy going to them. I’m not saying I agree with it, but it’s part of this area’s culture.</p>
<p>Looks like there are various types of Jack & Jill parties and not all are fundraisers
[What</a> is a Jack and Jill Party? | My Big Fat Engagement - Engagement Advice & Warnings](<a href=“http://www.mybigfatengagement.com/whats-a-jack-and-jill-party/]What”>http://www.mybigfatengagement.com/whats-a-jack-and-jill-party/)</p>
<p>As far as the cash bar goes, I just wish we knew ahead of time. This was back in the days before debit cards and we didn’t have much cash on us. We would have had 1-2 drinks each, but couldn’t. I don’t disagree with a cash bar (and again that’s the norm here), but I grew up in western NY and all weddings were open bar, so it caught us off guard.</p>
<p>Many venues may not allow the “no bar” option, such as hotels and cruise ships. They may not allow restricted alcohol service, such as only wine and beer. I went to a lovely wedding on one of those ships that sails around for three hours; neither the bride nor the groom drink. We had one deck, and another group had another deck. Yes, cash bar, for obvious reasons. </p>
<p>Also, if you do an open bar, you will either have to do a max dollar amount before shutting people off, or get a surprise bill. </p>
<p>Demanding an open bar is, IMHO, tacky.</p>
<p>This is insane. People’s relatives would LITERALLY not come to their wedding because they couldn’t get hard liquor for a couple of hours? Wine and beer isn’t enough? To hell with them then. Cash bars are simply unacceptable. You do not charge guests for food and drink. If someone is completely unable to enjoy a party for a few hours without hard alcohol, then that person should bring a flask. And look into the nearest AA meeting. :(</p>
<p>If you can’t afford a bar and a venue doesn’t allow no bar, PICK ANOTHER VENUE for chrissakes.</p>
<p>And I say this a a person who likes to drink.</p>
<p>Clicked on the thread because I have never heard this term. Thank goodness. So gross.</p>
<p>Bearvet, you mean the couple put an advertisement in the newspaper so total strangers would pay the money and come to this party? That’s crazy. I had assumed friends were “invited” to a party for which they had to pay.</p>
<p>Somehow advertising for strangers to pay you seems less tacky, I guess – at least you aren’t hitting up your friends and family. But still.</p>
<p>VeryHappy, apparently people sponsor public events along the lines of casino nights with a fundraising margin built in. Which sounds less repulsive, but you know that in reality friends and family are going to be pressured to attend. And I find it hard to believe that they would not be the majority of attendees. But since this is completely new to me, perhaps in some regions people do hold these things and they are full of complete strangers.</p>
<p>^^I can appreciate doing something like that to raise funds for a school playground or some such thing, but that’s much more publicly beneficial.</p>
<p>Maybe I’m just weird, but I think I’d feel embarrassed if I let my guests think I couldn’t afford to throw a wedding myself without resorting to “fundraising.”</p>
<p>It doesn’t excuse that kind of behavior, but I do think people underestimate the pressure. I think on one end we have bridezillas who think the whole day is all about them, but on the other end there is another extreme where there are guests who expect their every whim and expectation to be fulfilled and the bride is being self-centered if she doesn’t pull out her pocketbook and kindly oblige. In my opinion, I am obligated to keep my guests fed and hydrated, with enough options to have made a reasonable effort to accommodate different tastes, and I am obligated to keep my guests comfortable and entertained. I think that’s about the extent of it, personally! </p>
<p>But, my family has had weddings in the past, they have ideas about just what exactly “makes” a wedding, and when their expectations aren’t met they feel slighted-- like they are being deprived of something, and as a host I have not done my job. It’s completely stupid. I wouldn’t have a fundraiser to combat it but I wish there was as much emphasis these days on how to be a guest as there is on how to be a hostess. I don’t think brides are creating many of these messes all by themselves. My parents and extended family started handing out wedding planning marching orders in preparation for my engagement the moment they saw it coming, and I’m sure I’m not the only one.</p>
<p>@aries, Yes, guests demanding anything, including an open bar, is tacky. A cruise ship or hotel that has bars downstairs that are open to the public is no different than if a guest walked out of a reception hall and down the street to a bar. However, if the venue is taken over by the wedding and in your control, then having a cash bar is inappropriate. If a place demands open bar or nothing, pick another venue or cut costs another way.</p>
<p>[Wedding</a> Receptions Etiquette and Advice : Brides](<a href=“http://www.brides.com/wedding-answers-tools/wedding-etiquette/2010/02/receptions_cashbar]Wedding”>http://www.brides.com/wedding-answers-tools/wedding-etiquette/2010/02/receptions_cashbar)</p>
<p>[Miss</a> Manners’ Guide to a Surprisingly Dignified Wedding - Jacobina Martin, Judith Martin - Google Books](<a href=“Miss Manners' Guide to a Surprisingly Dignified Wedding - Jacobina Martin, Judith Martin - Google Books”>Miss Manners' Guide to a Surprisingly Dignified Wedding - Jacobina Martin, Judith Martin - Google Books)</p>
<p>[Wedding</a> Food & Drink: Is a Cash Bar Acceptable?TheKnot.com -](<a href=“Wedding Cash Bars: The Pros, Cons & Proper Etiquette”>Wedding Cash Bars: The Pros, Cons & Proper Etiquette)</p>
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<p>I couldn’t agree with you more, Consolation. I would see no need whatsoever to “accommodate” such people.</p>
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<p>Romani, cash bars are traditionally considered tacky and crass. This isn’t new news! If you can’t afford something, then you just don’t do it. There’s nothing wrong with a simple wedding where just cake and punch are served if that’s all the couple can afford – it’s better to entertain graciously within your budget, then ask your guests to whip out cash. </p>
<p>Hyperjulie - I don’t get the pressure. You’re on a tight budget – there’s no shame in that. I don’t even think you need to serve wine and beer, to be honest. Frankly I would have just served wine (keeping it classier than beer) or no alcohol at all. If your relatives can’t handle a few hours without hard alcohol, they are the ones with the problem.</p>
<p>Sorry, pg, it’s news to me. Obviously different people have different norms. No big deal.</p>
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<p>I would say I’m sorry you can’t join us ( and privately, good riddance).</p>
<p>Apparently no one has been to a wedding in the south. Plenty of them are “dry.” People survive.</p>
<p>My H threw a surprise 40th birthday party for me at a nice hotel (he had rented out a room for our guests and had pre-planned a menu, so it wasn’t like we were just in the restaurant ordering off the main menu). I think he just had wine and soft drinks served. Two guests did go out to the bar in the hotel and order their own drinks. It reflected poorly on them, to be honest, that they were incapable of having a nice dinner without hard liquor. It didn’t reflect poorly on us that we didn’t serve it. The coda is one of them turned out to have a drinking problem. Well, there’s a sign for ya.</p>
<p>Oh, I am going to get nailed for this!!! I would not attend a wedding reception that didn’t have alcohol as an option. I think cash bars are tacky, but better than no option. I actually have not gone to any weddings where the reception is in the church for this reason - or early in the day for the same reason.</p>
<p>I also skip the church portion of a wedding and head straight to the reception! I only like the fun parts!</p>
<p>To be honest, all my friends and family are like minded so it’s only an issue when I get a random invite from a co-worker or something.</p>
<p>Oh, never heard of this Jack and Jill thing - would definitely not attend one of those.</p>
<p>This is a little off topic, but I am very curious to find out an answer to this question. Every time a wedding thread comes up, I always want to find this out.</p>
<p>If/when I decide to get married, I will not be serving alcohol at my wedding. I will not go into the reasons here, but it’s not religious/cultural reason, and it may not be readily apparent to people that this would be the case.</p>
<p>I have heard here (and in real life) that some people would not attend a wedding if no alcohol was served. I am perfectly fine with that and am happy to give those who feel that way the option not to attend. How would you go about letting people know that there would be no alcohol, especially if it’s not someone you are discussing the wedding with on a regular basis?</p>
<p>“While in theory I’d love to just serve a toast or nothing at all (I don’t even drink), I have have numerous people express the sentiment to me that they would NOT attend a wedding at which alcohol was not an option.”</p>
<p>Our Friends Meeting does not allow alcohol on the premises, even for outside renters. You have no idea how thankful wedding couples are to find such a facility, where the decision is already made for them.</p>
<p>acollegestudent:I drink and like drinking at weddings BUT…it is my opinion that you do not need to tell anyone in advance. If they are that hard up for booze, more than likely they are toting a flask with them and if they choose booze over celebrating your wedding…well is that really the sort of person you want around at your event?</p>
<p>ACOLLEGESTUDENT - If your invited guests don’t know you or any of your closest friends well enough to hear about the no alcohol wedding reception, it can often be easy to figure out by venue or time of day. If you are having a reception in a hotel that normally has a bar/service and in the evening and you are not providing that option, I think people who don’t know you well and that like to drink at parties, might get caught off guard and those are the risks for them!!!</p>
<p>Also, word does travel if a wedding reception is going to be dry in a place that normally serves…</p>