Job that requires missing vacation, when rest of family is going?

Parent Cafe
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<p>I don’t know how useful the experience of a fast food or retail job is gonna be, if that’s what he’s looking at. He should have either had an internship in his field or research but it’s too late for that now. I don’t see the real need for a retail/fast food job if it’s not because he needs money. And if it’s only going to be for the summer, unless it’s something where business goes up in summer, I don’t see how many places would be inclined to hire someone for only summer. </p>

<p>I did go on a vacation with my family but that was the summer freshman year, I took some classes in spring (May & June) and then didn’t do anything really for July and August when we had vacation. </p>

22

<p>Think this way…you are extremely blessed to have a kid you WANT to have on vacation with you. You should be celebrating that you have a close enough family that even considers a family vacation as a good thing. So don’t screw it up worrying about one summer job out of a lifetime of working.
You’re mad at him for not pursuing a job as you wish he would and are sort of punishing him or at least trying to make a point. I get that–every parent does I think. I hope he does too.
BUT…
You’ve already bought the ticket! So we already know YOU want him to be with you. So forget the rest and do what YOU want. It’s really not all about him–it’s about you and the rest of your family too. So he’s there on vacation with you 'cause you love him and you just wouldn’t have it any other way. The vacation just won’t be complete without him.</p>

23

<p>He can still search for a job while on a beach. My H. always works on all our vacations. It is nice to work laying on a cot and as fringe benefit, his employer is paying for our internet access in Mexico resort for 2 weeks.<br>
Other than that, I do not have a similar experience. D. has always worked, but during school year, her summers were free, she could not find anything at all, C’mon, who is going to hire summer help when there are retirees working year around. But we never went on vacation during summers either, way too hot. </p>

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<p>Is this a camp job that requires the full summer commitment? Will he actually make money or just some tips? Is there something he could do that would not be paid that might provide better experience AND allow a vacation (volunteer, summer class)? I agree with others that if it is just a money job and he doesn’t really need the money, maybe not worth making him do it. As others have said, your times of vacationing with him may soon come to an end. </p>

<p>It would also depend on why the research fell through. Was it promised to him and the professor then did not get funding or was your son just thinking about it and didn’t follow up. If he made his best effort and i t didn’t work out, I would certainly not punish him for that. If you feel like he dropped the ball, then maybe no vacation is a logical consequence. </p>

<p>One year my middle son did not come on vacation with us because he was making up a class. It was his choice not to come with us but it made the vacation less fun. Tough choice.</p>

25

<p>We do extended family vacations every year and every year there are cousins in college or just graduated that can’t make it do to jobs and internships. For us, if the job/internship would allow that time off, then fine, they can join us, but if not, than they just can’t make it that year. I used to think that once the kids finished HS they would no longer want to vacation with us, but that hasn’t been true. In fact, just about all of our friends have adult kids that vacation with them. </p>

26

<p>so far he doesn’t have the job, so maybe he can negotiate the schedule if possible</p>

<p>If he does get a job–if it is going to burnish his resume–then he misses vacation, not as a punishment, but because it is so important to his future IF he cannot work it out with his employer</p>

<p>if it is just a job to make money–then he should go on the family vacation. The proper punishment for no job is not having as much spending money, not being ostracized from the family.</p>

<p>You really need to think about family dynamics in this situation. Do you want son resenting step child?</p>

27

<p>Thanks everyone. I really appreciate the different perspectives. He does have an interview early next week, so I’m keeping my fingers crossed. He’s a smart kid, but socially immature, so I’m hoping he will pay attention to my advice about looking for a job/internship EARLY next year. I’m trying to be patient with him, but sometimes it’s so tough when they have to learn the hard way/themselves, instead of listening. At one point the plan was neither of the older kids would go on vacation with is, but when the step-child wound up not working, things got more complicated. </p>

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<p>Our S has been very fortunate to have internships and yes, now his full time job that allow him to have family vacations with us. We count ourselves VERY lucky, but part of it was S having multiple offers and choosing the ones that allowed him more flexibility in his schedule. </p>

<p>It is great when family is able to and interested in vacationing together. :)</p>

29

<p>As someone who did not take vacation for years due to financial pressures of having kids and sending them to college, I’m a bit shocked with the vacation priority others are expressing. Kids need to learn that vacation costs money which must be earned and saved for. Yes, it is fine for me and my husband to go on vacation and leave the kids behind. </p>

30

<p>I don’t really see an issue here. It’s not mean to expect him to have some job experience before he graduates from college. He does need to learn about natural consequences. Leaving the job search until the last week of May isn’t going to yield the best results and one consequence may be he misses the family vacation. But he may be able to negotiate the time off so that he has a job and gets to go on the vacation.</p>

<p>What would he do if he doesn’t get a job?</p>

<p>Family vacations do happen after kids are grown and out of the house. They may be less frequent and harder to plan, but they do happen. </p>

31

<p>We havent taken a family vacation since before they graduated high school.
It depends on what your priority is, spend more time with the family, or transition to adult life.
College isnt an extension of high school, or at least it wasn’t for my kids.</p>

32

<p>I can’t talk about the importance of family vacations like this, since I grew up in a family that never took formal vacations growing up, and as an adult have done very few of those, so I can’t really talk about that side of things.</p>

<p>I will say that while I encourage kids to get experience working while in school, with the OP’s question I would guess the real question would be what kind of job. If it would be a job working in a supermarket or fast food restaurant or whatnot, as a rising Junior if he happened to miss working this summer to go on the vacation, I wouldn’t be so upset about it. I tend to agree with others, I think it is much more important that he learn some lessons, and next summer, try and find either a job or internship closer to the field he is working in, a job between Junior and senior year an internship is going to be a lot more important when he goes and looks for a job than job history between sophomore and junior year that is simply a job. I am speaking as a hiring manager, who has hired more than a few kids out of school, while having work history is important, there is no doubt about it, I would be more impressed if the kid had done something closer to a ‘real’ working situation to what I was hiring for, than something like a fast food job or something. For me (and I am talking only as myself), if I saw a kid who didn’t work between sophomore and junior year, but had a job between junior and senior year that showed real responsibility, or if I looked on his CV and saw he did things at college that showed leadership, like leading a group or groups,organized things, etc, it would weigh a lot more than working at Mickey D’s. </p>

<p>When I was in college, the whole internship thing wasn’t as big a deal on the whole,but the last several years of college I worked construction with the business two of my uncle’s ran, and I could list a lot of the things I had done, which was both office based and doing real labor on job sites, and could talk about it, where I took responsibility, etc, plus where I had done things during the school year, too. </p>

<p>I think it would be great if he could find a job, but if he isn’t able to I also wouldn’t lose that much sleep about it. I would, however, stress to him that this is a get out of jail free card for him, not from you, but from his future, and that he needs to get his head out of the sand and face reality, that what he does next summer, and during the current school year, will have real meaning to when he is applying for jobs after school, and that next year, he should focus at least part of his efforts towards finding something good next summer, internship or job, that he can proudly put in his cv.</p>

33

<p>My kid works at a job. She is joining us for part of our summer vacation…right now. Her employer was very understanding…and gave her the four days off.</p>

<p>DS worked at a great restaurant for 7 years in the summers and on vacations. During those years, he was GONE for 4-6 weeks in the middle of summer at music festivals. Didn’t matter…they gave him the time off to go.</p>

<p>I think some employers are more flexible than others. If the employee is working on deadline projects, it might be more difficult than other types of employment.</p>

34

<p>I understand the mixed feelings here, too. If the job is an important for the future type job, let him skip the vacay. If it is just a job, he takes the vacay, but has to do something with himself for the summer. (He probably wants to be busy, too, I bet.) Can he get temp work? Volunteer? I remember getting some pretty horrible temp jobs as a student that made me never slack on lining up summer employment again. We travel a lot in the summer, which has kept my kids from getting summer jobs some years so I have made them go volunteer somewhere instead. </p>

35

<p>My impression is actions are important, words not so much.
I think one of the most important things we can teach our kids is that our choices have consequences.</p>

<p>You make the choice not to plan for the summer until you finish school and you can either revert back to being a child with no obligation other than to vacation with your family & get a stern warning about how " this is the last time", or you can stay home & do what you should have done months ago.
For someone who has little to no job experience, life as usual would really be giving him the wrong message that transitioning to adult life is something he can abidicate from.</p>

36

<p>This is an adult we are hypothesizing about. I would set an expectation of how much you expect him to financially contribute, from summer or during the school year earnings - then leave the decisions up to him. There is nothing to teach him “consequences” for. It sounds like he made a plan (research) and it fell thru. That happens in adult life, and one must regroup and figure out a plan B. Wait tables, sell plasma, mow lawns, get one of those “my sister-in-law earns 3000 dollars a month on the internet” jobs, etc, whatever. If he can come up with plan that allows him to vacation with you, cool. If his only plan he comes up with doesn’t allow him to go on the vacation…well, sometimes adult life stinks.</p>

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<p>My D’s first summer back she didn’t get something lined up early and ended up working at McDonalds. It was a great experience in that it lit a fire under her to apply for internships in her field, funding and a part-time job EARLY for this summer. She had no interest in doing that again.</p>

<p>The vacation is paid for so I would just take it as a family and have him try for fast food or something around it. The other thing that my D learned last summer is that fast food hours cannot be counted on and aren’t worth setting aside a vacation for. If you are scheduled to work opening until noon and they get slow at 9:30 they will send you home. Your scheduled hours are when they expect you to be available not when you will actually be clocked in.</p>

<p>p.s. She IS flying home for our 6 day family vacation at the ocean - it will be the only time that we get to see her likely until next Christmas and is well worth it. She was able to work out the timing both with the internship and the part time job.</p>

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<p>" My step-child child is taking a class abroad, which is costing thousands of dollars, and will be returning just in time for vacation, and will not be working at all this summer."</p>

<p>Sounds like more is going on here… </p>

39

<p>Expecting he would get a research position, isn’t really the same as implementing a plan.</p>

<p>He was going to do research at school for the summer, but it didn’t work out. He did not apply for any internships, despite much encouraging. Since he’s been home (about 10 days now) he has applied for several jobs, but not as many as I would like, and he’s not having any luck.</p>

<p>It may be that they saw his lack of prior experience as a factor. Does he know why they fell through?
Students need to start applying for positions after the winter break,waiting till he is home for the summer, is not generally going to be successful.</p>

40

<p>Musicprnt, can you come talk to my son :slight_smile:
Yes, there are many factors at play here. This son is very bright but has been a late bloomer socially, which is part of the problem. He doesn’t spend much money, so money doesn’t mean a lot to him. (Easy for him to say while we pay for college, I know). He and I have had a tough couple of years, but he has been a relatively pleasant person since he’s been home, which goes a long way. I’m thinking a logical consequence is that he will take out a loan for part of his school/expenses, since he’s not earning much money this summer, and has yet to get a job for at school, despite requests to do so. There are other issues with the step-child which made study abroad an acceptable option, but it does make it difficult to push him too hard. (Some things fall into the “life is not always fair” column. They all get plenty, believe me… Just different things for different kids). Thanks again for all the advice and opinions. I’m hopeful he will have a job soon, and that he will be going on vacation.</p>