<p>Haven’t read the whole thread, but I fall on the opposite side. WIth the responsibility of a job comes the responsibility of attendance and commitment. We have all had to sacrifice time off with family (well we have, I assume others have too). My s’s are grown and one is engaged, but they still take some family trips with us, which is fabulous. So no guarantee that will end when he is out of college. Time for him to face the real world responsibilities of work. JMO.</p>
<p>** forgot to mention-- we were going to take a big family trip these past weeks- overseas. But DS #1 and fiancee are saving up vacation time for wedding/honeymoon, and DS#2 just started a new job so couldnt take the time off. It is what it is.</p>
<p>sounds like the mom is just trying to avoid an issue where her child works and misses vaca, while step-child essentially is getting two vacations and no work. (dont flame me for calling a summer abroad a vaca…yes, there is school, but usually lots of time to sightsee.)</p>
<p>I might be bothered if one of my kids went to a pricey summer abroad and the family vaca, while the other got nothing but work…and neither of my kids are step.</p>
<p>is there anything he can do as self-employed over the summer that can end at vaca time?</p>
<p>My (extended) family have been going on vacation every year for 20+ years. We have 6 young adults now, plus grandparent. We usually plan it around Dec when we are all together for the holidays. The kids would tell us various programs they are doing in the summer and we try to pick a week which works for most people. This year D1 came for 4 days and my nephew missed because he was in the military. For us, those family vacations are priceless. We all make a great effort to show up. Sometimes when someone is short on cash (due to job loss or whatever), some of us would chip in so everyone could go.</p>
<p>In OP’s case, knowing her son’s issue(s), I would have given him heads up. Summer job for a raising junior is not as important as for a raising senior. If the kid never had a job before, it will be important for him to have some sort of work experience before applying for junior summer internship. That being said, it doesn’t need to be for the whole summer. If everyone is going on the family vacation, I would have the son come and not use it as a punishment. </p>
<p>My kids are 20 and 25 now. We still go away together and I enjoy their company very much. They talk about some day when they have kids, we would still go on vacations togethers (of course, I would be providing free babysitting).</p>
<p>“I’m thinking a logical consequence is that he will take out a loan for part of his school/expenses, since he’s not earning much money this summer, and has yet to get a job for at school, despite requests to do so.”</p>
<p>I’m not how long it takes to do that. But if you haven’t already started you should probably have him start filling out whatever forms that are required.</p>
<p>I imagine it is very difficult to juggle stepkids, but if they live with you, Im not understanding why their experience is so different, although if they are in the same place in college and also dont yet have job experience, they may also find that they wish they did when it is time to find paid work or even internships.</p>
<p>Whether or not he goes on vacation with the family, Id require him to work/ have an internship for jr year, because he will want to really make the most of his senior year and that means internships.</p>
<p>Are you saying that you expected him to contribute to his tuition plus dorm and meal plan? If so, a loan is in order.</p>
<p>If the money in question would be for his personal expenses/spending money, the answer is simple: don’t give him any. He can spend what he makes. I’m willing to bet that he will rapidly find a way to make something, unless he has income from a trust fund or a lot of savings to live off of.</p>
<p>I repeat that there is no reason why he shouldn’t sign up with temp agencies <em>now</em>. If he does so, he should tell them in advance when he will be away. (And call to say he’s back and eager to work when he gets back.)</p>
<p>For a minimum-wage type thing, if he’s on track for a professional job I don’t think it’s important. I worked a minimum-wage job in high school, it’s still on my resume (though it’s gotten progressively smaller as I’ve gotten other things to add to my resume), and no one has ever cared about it for a professional job. I don’t think the minimum-wage experience counts for anything anymore, if it ever used to. </p>
<p>And I don’t think it changes a person or makes them more responsible or anything either. A lot of people talk about it building character to work through school (high school or college), I don’t see it. It’s just a way to trade time for money. That’s it. </p>
<p>Though, if he has lots of time and doesn’t have lots of money, it’s probably the trade he should make. </p>
<p>I kind of agree with Vladenschlutte, kid#2 has never had a job but I don’t think she has a problem with her degree either. I never listed all of the jobs I held before I graduated from college. Nobody cared.</p>
<p>this may be the best solution. When my kids had summer jobs or summer internships, we planned our vacations right before school restarted. the internships usually ended a couple weeks before school started, and they let summer employers know that they had to stop working around Aug 1st.</p>
<p>OP here. My son has found a job. He won’t be making tons of money, but he won’t be sitting at home doing nothing all day either. We will all be going on vacation. He’s also foundation new hobby, which will help keep him from logging quite so much time in front of the computer. </p>
<p>New hobby is rock climbing, or more accurately rock wall climbing. He likes to hike outdoors across boulders and things like that, but there is an indoor rock climbing place fairly close to our house. </p>
<p>So glad this young man has a job with a flexible schedule. I can relate to the dilemma of wanting to spend quality time with family, while also knowing that not all life lessons can be managed simultaneously.
A perspective that I have not yet heard is: what is the take away for the kid? Could it have been that his family will give in and the vacation will prevail?</p>
<p>So often we consider what “makes sense,” what is efficient. For example, Mr Merlin handles most banking transactions for our grown sons, ages 25 and 20. He thinks that it is expeditious to do this because he has time and opportunity to go to the bank. The kids barely know how to complete banking transactions–aside from using the ATM.
While the money OP’s son will potentially earn may not be much, or the resume value may seem insignificant, developing a work ethic may be important. I, too, have a socially late blooming son. Learning to make back up plans for employment feels like an important life lesson. </p>
<p>My bottom line, after some retrospective thinking is : What will the kid learn from this? What is the takeaway for the young adult? Often it is the parent agenda that obscures this. DH and I have rescued our kids many times, not that we intended to. Financially secure families may view this differently than those who have less disposible income. The value of student earnings is a relative concept.</p>
<p>I believe the OP is juggling all of this and am glad to hear of a fortuitous outcome.</p>
<p>Boysx3, he will be working in food service. He said he wants a “universal skill” that he could use if he wants to go experience another culture, for example. I’d prefer he do something more related to his major, but I am happy he’s doing something relatively productive.
Merlin, all good questions, and I struggle every day with issues you have identified. Understanding that SOME type of work is important was sort of my minimum criteria. Fortunately at this point money is not particularly important, but developing a work ethic and being a somewhat productive member of society are important concepts. Main takeaway is you can’t just sit on your behind and expect parents to support you forever. He’s heard many times that “Sure HE can buy that,and it’s coming from HIS money.” I am making him pay for some of his “luxuries” this summer, such as shoes for his hobby, a gym membership, meals with friends, etc. I don’t want to “punish him” by not taking him on vacation since both other kids are going, but I do want them all to realize that as time goes by they will have to pick work over fun. </p>
<p>It is a tough balancing act to parent these adult kids, isn’t it?<br>
With two boys in their 20’s, I have begun to reflect on the parenting I did or did not do. lol</p>
<p>I often wish that earlier on, in the child raising phase of life, I had found a way to explain to DH that raising kids is like a training program. DH simply did not get that. He invariably did the most efficient thing, which did not often involve allowing the kids to help with chores. Fortunately, he has begun to see it as both adult boys need cars registered or repaired and do not really know how to go about it. </p>
<p>Overall, I believe that kids learn the most from observing our behavior; not so much from listening to our words and admonitions. DH and I always worked during the school year. The kids went to daycare. As school employees, DH and I worked very little during the summer. We chose this life style as we felt it was a wonderful way to raise a family. Of course, this meant less income. We do not live a fancy lifestyle, and have never been to Disney, but we have traveled to other countries a couple of times. We have no debt.</p>
<p>When the boys were old enough to get summer jobs, we expected that they would, although we were not working. I think the scenario caused a bit of confusion. Parents stop working; kids have to go to work. At one point, S1 expressed incredulity that his parents had chosen quality of life over a higher income.
I just smiled and asked if he would like getting up early to go to daycare all summer, with no family beach trips, or friends over to play during the day, etc. Our family has been incredibly fortunate to have summers together.</p>
<p>Both kids now have good work ethics and realize that they can only spend as much as they earn.</p>