<p>So I was trying to write my main essay for MIT, about how my environment has shaped my dreams and whatnot, but I didnt know how to begin. So I decided to write this joke essay instead. Any stylistic critique is welcome. And if you really need to ask, no, I am not the son of a butcher.</p>
<p>ATTENTION MODS this is a JOKE essay, not a real one, so dont remove it.</p>
<pre><code>When I think about my environment, meat is the first thing that comes to mind. What?! This is a question I have had to answer many times in the past, and I will attempt to answer it again here. I am the son of a butcher, who was the son of a butcher, who in turn was the son of a butcher, probably as far back in history as has been recorded. For most animals, blood may run through meat, but for me, meat runs in my veins. How is it, then, that I want to design megarobots capable of destroying the entire United States army? Well, it all started with a television show called Transformers.
I remember, vividly, sitting in the meat shop with nothing else to do. Of course my dad let me hack off some arms and legs occasionally, to fulfill my inherent male bloodlust, but I wanted some intellectual stimulation. What better source for this than television? Oh yes, I remember the wailing 80s-esque guitars in the background as Optimus Prime gave some fateful speech concerning the Deceptacons final assault. It was so heroic, so glorious, so epic. I knew then, I had to become a Transformer.
Living around meat manipulation has exposed me to the pliability of the body. No wonder, then, that news of organ transplants and bodily enhancement technology made sense to me. This growing movement, coupled with the exponential advances being made in robotic AI, promises to give humans the capability to become more than simply human. Of course, it may be several decades from now until we have mastered the mind/machine interface, but I believe the day will inevitably come.
My parents have supported me in this dream. We butchers know, more than anyone, the disgustingness of the carbon-based life form. My parents may not live long enough to witness the day when humans evolve into cyborgs, but they take consolation in the fact that their genes will be carried on, eventually uploaded into a computer and manifested in the program structure of my future silicon-based neural net.
Let us be serious, though. There are many steps that must be undertaken before we can embark on the next step of evolution. The fields of robotic AI and neuroscience must advance greatly. We must have landmarks. That is why I would like to design non-sentient robots and to conduct a series of questionably ethical neurological experiments. MIT is by far the greatest institution for these pursuits.
I have somewhat of an evolutionary imperative to undertake my dreams. Once we have the technology, there will inevitably be those who use it for their own personal advantage. Why not join them? Why not stay at the forefront of intellectual and physical power? Throughout the millennia, species have become extinct because they did not embrace this imperative. I do not want to pass into extinction. Let me in to MIT!
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