<p>Come on Yalings give us some great jokes to feast on!!! We know you have some.</p>
<p>A Harvard and Yale Law grad met in a washroom during a law convention.
After peeing the Harvard graduate goes to wash his hands but notices that the Yale graduate is about to leave without washing his hands.
The Harvard graduate said, “Didn’t they teach you to wash your hands at Yale?”
The Yale grad responded, “Well, didn’t they teach you not to pee on your hands at Harvard?”</p>
<p>Dr. Schambaugh, of the University of Oklahoma School of Chemical Engineering, Final Exam for May of 1997 consisted of only one question. Dr. Schambaugh is known for asking questions such as, ‘‘Why do airplanes fly?’’ on his final exams. His one and only final exam question in May 1997 for his Momentum, Heat and Mass Transfer II class was:
‘‘Is hell exothermic or endothermic? Support your answer with proof.’’ </p>
<p>Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle’s Law or some variant. One student, however, wrote the following:
"First, we postulate that if souls exist, then they must have some mass. If they do, then a mole of souls can also have a mass. So, at what rate are souls moving into hell and at what rate are souls leaving? I think we can safely assume that once a soul gets to hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for souls entering hell, let us look at the different religions that exist in the world today. Some of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, then you will go to hell. Since there are more than one of these religions and people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all people and souls go to hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change in volume in hell. Boyle’s law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in hell to stay the same, the ratio of the mass of souls and volume needs to stay constant. Two options exist:
- If hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter hell, then the temperature and pressure in hell will increase until all hell breaks loose. 2. If hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until hell freezes over. So which is it? If we accept the quote given to me by Theresa Manyan during Freshman year, ‘‘that it will be a cold night in hell before I sleep with you’’ and take into account the fact that I still have NOT succeeded in having sexual relations with her, then Option 2 cannot be true. Thus, hell is exothermic."
The student, Tim Graham, got the only A.</p>
<p>Three African men were walking to the King’s palace to hear their task. The King said…“go into the forest and find three berries and come back to me.”</p>
<p>So the three men set off into the jungle to find three berries…the first man comes back with three blue berries in his hand and shows the King. The king then tells him, “Now stick all three berries in your butt, but if you make a noise you will be killed and go straight to hell.” So the man starts…1…2…but with the third berry he accidently made a sound and went straight to hell.</p>
<p>Along comes man number 2 carrying strawberries…the king informs him of the rules and the guy starts…1…2…but with the third berry he just busts out laughing…of course he is sent straight to hell.</p>
<p>Down in Hell, guy #1 asks guy #2…“Why did you start laughing…you were almost done!!!” Guy #2 replies, “I saw guy #3 walking back with pineapples!”</p>
<p>Lol!!!</p>
<p>To all my conservative friends, please don’t take offense.</p>
<p>Here’s a moral dilemma for you… With all your honor and
dignity what would you do?</p>
<p>This test only has one question, but it’s a very important one. Please
don’t answer it without giving it some serious thought. By giving an
honest answer you will be able to test where you stand morally. The
test features an unlikely, completely fictional situation, where you
will have to make a decision one way or the other. Remember that your
answer needs to be honest, yet spontaneous.</p>
<p>Please scroll down slowly and consider each line - this is important
for the test to work accurately</p>
<p>You’re in Florida…InMiami, to be exact… There is great chaos
going on around you, caused by a hurricane and severe floods. There are
huge masses of water all over you. You are a CNN photographer and you
are in the middle of this great disaster. The situation is nearly
hopeless.</p>
<p>You’re trying to shoot very impressive photos. There are houses and
people floating around you, disappearing into the water. Nature is
showing all its destroying power and is ripping everything away with
it.</p>
<p>Suddenly you see a man in the water, he is fighting for his life,
trying not to be taken away by the masses of water and mud. You move
closer.</p>
<p>Somehow the man looks familiar.</p>
<p>Suddenly you know who it is - it’s George W. Bush!</p>
<p>At the same time you notice that the raging waters are about to take
him away, forever. You have two options. You can save him or you can
take the best photo of your life. So you can save the life of George W.
Bush, or you can shoot a Pulitzer prize winning photo, a unique photo
displaying the death of one of the world’s most powerful men.</p>
<p>And here’s the question (please give an honest answer):</p>
<p>Would you select color film, or rather go with the simplicity of
classic black and white ?</p>
<p>This is quite similar to an above post, only with a much better ending. Enjoy!</p>
<p>Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or</p>
<br>
<br>
<p>A few months ago, there was an opening with the CIA for an assassin. These highly classified positions are hard to fill, and there’s a lot of testing and background checks involved before you can even be considered for the position. After sending some applicants through the background checks, training and testing, they narrowed the possible choices down to two men and a woman, but only one position was available. </p>
<p>The day came for the final test to see which peson would get the extremely secretive job. The CIA men administering the test took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun. “We must know that you will follow our instructions whatever the circumstances,” they explained. “Inside this room, you will find your wife sitting in a chair. Take this gun and kill her.” The man looked horrified and said, “You can’t be serious! I could never shoot my wife!” “Well,” said the CIA man, “you’re definitely not the right man for this job then.” </p>
<p>So they brought the second man to the same door and handed him a gun. “We must know that you will follow instructions no matter what the circumstances,” they explained to the second man. “Inside you will find your wife sitting in a chair. Take this gun and kill her.” The second man looked a bit shocked, but nevertheless took the gun and went in the room. All was quiet for about 5 minutes; then the door opened. The man came out of the room with tears in his eyes. “I tried to shoot her; I just couldn’t pull the trigger and shoot my wife. I guess I’m not the right man for the job.” </p>
<p>“No,” the CIA man replied, “You don’t have what it takes. Take your wife and go home.” </p>
<p>Now they only had the woman left to test. They led her to the same door to the same room and handed her the same gun. “We must be sure that you will follow instructions no matter what the circumstances; this is your final test. Inside you will find your husband sitting in a chair. Take this gun and kill him.” The woman took the gun and opened the door. Before the door even closed all the way, the CIA men heard the gun start firing, one shot after another for 13 shots. Then all hell broke loose in the room. They heard screaming, rashing, and banging on the walls. This went on for several minutes; then all went quiet. </p>
<p>The door opened slowly, and there stood the woman. She wiped the sweat from her brow and said, “You guys didn’t tell me the gun was loaded with blanks. I had to beat the son of a ***** to death with the chair!”</p>
<p>Three men shipwrecked onto an island full of aborigines. The tribal chief asked the first man, “Buga-buga or die?” The first person said Buga-Buga, so the aborigines butt-raped him. THe tribal chief asked the second man, “Buga-buga or die?” The second person said Buga-buga, so the aborigines raped him until his anus bled heavily. The tribal chief then asked the third man, “Buga-buga or die?” Fearing the pain of butt-rape, he said die, so the aborigines butt-raped him to death.</p>
<p>thats sick…how is that funny?..ehhh…</p>
<p>When you drink, you get drunk. When you get drunk, you fall asleep. When you fall asleep, you commit no sin. When you commit no sin, you go to Heaven. So let’s all get drunk and go to Heaven! WHOO!</p>
<p>With logic like that who can go wrong?</p>
<p>Great logic, here’s one:
I am nobody
Nobody is perfect
Therefore, I am perfect.</p>
<p>I was taking an essay test today and was given only 25 minutes. Someone asked how long it should be, and the TEACHER (MALE), said:
“Long enough to cover the material, short enough to be interesting… just like a good prom dress”</p>
<p>That was so NOT necessary!</p>
<p>LOL…wow…i think thats hilarious!</p>
<p>IQ Test </p>
<p>Intelligence Test Instructions:
Write each of your answers down, it makes a difference! You will be allowed 10 minutes to complete the test. Write your answers in the spaces provided. Are you ready? What is the time? </p>
<p>Start. </p>
<p>1) Some months have 30 days,some months have 31 days. How many months have 28 days? ____________________
2) If a doctor gives you 3 pills and tells you to take one pill every half hour, how long would it be before all the pills had been taken? ____________________ </p>
<p>3) I went to bed at eight o’clock in the evening and wound up my clock and set the alarm to sound at nine o’clock in the morning. How many hours sleep would I get before being awoken by the alarm? ____________________ </p>
<p>4) Divide 30 by half and add ten. What do you get?____________________ </p>
<p>5) A farmer had 17 sheep. All but 9 died. How many live sheep were left? ___________________ </p>
<p>6) If you had only one match and entered a COLD and DARK room, where there was an oil heater, an oil lamp and a candle, which would you light first? ____________________ </p>
<p>7) A man builds a house with four sides of rectangular construction, each side having a southern exposure. A big bear comes along. What color is the bear? ____________________ </p>
<p>8) Take 2 apples from 3 apples. What do you have? ___________________ </p>
<p>9) How many animals of each species did Moses take with him in the Ark? ____________________ </p>
<p>10) If you drove a bus with 43 people on board from Chicago and stopped at Pittsburg to pick up 7 more people and drop off 5 passengers and at Cleveland to drop off 8 passengers and pick up 4 more and eventually arrive at Philadelphia 20 hours later, what’s the name of the driver? ____________________ </p>
<p>Everybody do this and post their answers…no cheating. I will put the answers on in 3 days or so. If you cheat, it takes all the fun from it.</p>
<p>1) 12 months
2) 1 hour
3) 13 hours. I don’t get it.
4) 70
5) 9 sheep
6) the match
7) white
8)2 apples
9) None. It was Noah
10) I’m not telling my name!</p>
<ol>
<li>All of them</li>
<li>1 hour</li>
<li>12 hours 59 minutes.</li>
<li>70</li>
<li>9 sheep</li>
<li>match</li>
<li>white</li>
<li>2 apples</li>
<li>Noah did it, not moses</li>
<li>HAHA ME!</li>
</ol>
<ol>
<li>12 Months</li>
<li>One Hour</li>
<li>One Hour (trust me on this one)</li>
<li>70</li>
<li>9 Sheep</li>
<li>The match</li>
<li>White</li>
<li>2 Sheep</li>
<li>Noah did the Ark</li>
<li>My name/Lauren</li>
</ol>
<p>A Harvard graduate came across a Yale graduate standing over a sewer lid. The Yalie was jumping up and down on it, saying, “Thirty-two! Thirty-two! Thirty-two!”</p>
<p>The Harvard alum, naturally a blue-blooded, respectable, wealthy man, said, “How could a man of your upbringing and education demean yourself by engaging in such ridiculous activities?”</p>
<p>The Yale man said, “No, no, it’s a lot of fun. Come here, I’ll show you.”</p>
<p>The Harvard man reluctantly stepped over and gave a little jump and said, unsure of himself, “Thirty-two?” The Yalie said, “Oh, come on, you’ve got to get into it more than that!” Starting to loosen up, the Harvard guy jumped a little higher and shouted “Thirty-two!” a little louder. As he got going, the Yalie said, “Come on, jump REALLY high!” The Harvard man leapt high into the air, and the Yalie instantly whipped off the sewer lid, causing the Harvard man to scream and plummet into the hole.</p>
<p>The Yalie leaned over, chuckled, and replaced the lid. He then began jumping on top of it again: “Thirty-three!” Thirty-three! Thirty-three!"</p>