<ol>
<li> all</li>
<li> 1 hr</li>
<li> 13 hr</li>
<li>70</li>
<li> 9
6 candle
7.white</li>
<li>2apples</li>
<li>2</li>
<li> my name</li>
</ol>
<p>Answers in the following article - no cheating now! GOOD LUCK! </p>
<p>Answers: 1) All of them. Every month has at least 28 days.
2) 1 hour. If you take a pill at 1 o’clock,then another at 1.30 and the last at 2 o’clock,they will be taken in 1 hour.
3) 1 hour. It is a wind up alarm clock which cannot discriminate between a.m. and p.m.
4) 70. Dividing by half is the same as multiplying by 2.
5) 9 live sheep.
6) The match.
7) White. If all walls face south, the house must be on the North Pole.
8) 2 apples. I HAVE 3 APPLES, YOU TAKE 2, WHAT DO YOU HAVE?
9) None. It was Noah, not Moses.
10) YOU are the driver.</p>
<p>And here’s how each of you did:</p>
<p>Grading Scale (out of 10)
8+: Engineer
7: Student
6: High school pupil
5: Primary school pupil
4: Teacher
3: College lecturer
2: University lecturer
1: Member of Congress</p>
<p>Three men: a project manager, a software engineer, and a hardware engineer are helping out on a project. About midweek they decide to walk up and down the beach during their lunch hour. Halfway up the beach, they stumbled upon a lamp. As they rub the lamp a genie appears and says “Normally I would grant you three wishes, but since there are three of you, I will grant you each one wish.”
The hardware engineer went first. “I would like to spend the rest of my life living in a huge house in St. Thomas with no money worries.” The genie granted him his wish and sent him on off to St. Thomas.</p>
<p>The software engineer went next. “I would like to spend the rest of my life living on a huge yacht cruising the Mediterranean with no money worries.” The genie granted him his wish and sent him off to the Mediterranean.</p>
<p>Last, but not least, it was the project manager’s turn. “And what would your wish be?” asked the genie.</p>
<p>“I want them both back after lunch” replied the project manager.</p>
<p>A man was crossing a road one day when a frog called out to him and said, “If you kiss me, I’ll turn into a beautiful princess”. He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket.
The frog spoke up again and said, “If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one week.” The man took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to the pocket. </p>
<p>The frog then cried out, “If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I’ll stay with you for a week and do ANYTHING you want.” Again the man took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket. </p>
<p>Finally, the frog asked, “What is the matter? I’ve told you I’m a beautiful princess, that I’ll stay with you for a week and do anything you want. Why won’t you kiss me?” </p>
<p>The man said, “Look I’m an engineer. I don’t have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog is cool.”</p>
<p>How did everyone do?</p>
<p>lol einstein, your frog joke was hilarious…the engineer totally reminds me of my bf…</p>
<p>thx. Everyone should contribute jokes or famous sayings so that everyone can enjoy!</p>
<p>Funny Sayings:</p>
<p>He who laughs last thinks slowest. </p>
<p>Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don’t have film. </p>
<p>A day without sunshine is like, well, night. </p>
<p>On the other hand you have different fingers. </p>
<p>Change is inevitable except from a vending machine. </p>
<p>I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory. </p>
<p>When the chips are down, the buffalo is empty. </p>
<p>Seen it all, done it all, can’t remember most of it. </p>
<p>Those who live by the sword… get shot by those who don’t. </p>
<p>I feel like I’m diagonally parked in a parallel universe. </p>
<p>He’s not dead… he’s electroencephalographically challenged. </p>
<p>You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted, then used against you. </p>
<p>I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be without sponges. </p>
<p>Honk if you love peace and quiet. </p>
<p>Despite the cost of living, have you noticed how it remains so popular? </p>
<p>Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool. </p>
<p>It is hard to understand how a cemetery raised its burial cost and blamed it on the cost of living. </p>
<p>The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there’s a 90% probability you’ll get it wrong. </p>
<p>It is said that if you line up all the cars in the world end to end, someone would be stupid enough to try and pass them. </p>
<p>You can’t have everything…where would you put it? </p>
<p>Latest survey shows that 3 out of 4 people make up 75% of the world’s population. </p>
<p>The things that come to those who wait, may be the things left by those who got there first. </p>
<p>A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well. </p>
<p>It was recently discovered that research causes cancer in rats. </p>
<p>I wished the buck stopped here as I could use a few. </p>
<p>I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it. </p>
<p>Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.</p>
<p>Je suis tres bete… </p>
<p>5 out of 10 on the IQ test, even though i had seen some of these questions before.</p>
<p>lol, and what are you going to be when you grow up? jk</p>
<p>10 out of 10. Woo Hoo! Although I had also seen some of them before.
So Engineers are the smartest, or most able to think outside of the box. That is a surprise. Sorry don’t mean to dis you engineers out there but…</p>
<p>A mathematically sound proof…</p>
<p>Girls require time and money.</p>
<p>GIRLS = TIME x MONEY</p>
<p>We all know that time is money.</p>
<p>TIME = MONEY
Therefore
GIRLS = MONEY²</p>
<p>(The love of) money is the root of all evil.</p>
<p>MONEY = √EVIL
Therefore
MONEY² = EVIL</p>
<p>Since MONEY² = EVIL</p>
<p>GIRLS = EVIL
Girls are evil.</p>
<p>Just kidding! ;)</p>
<p>Here’s something similar (actually not really, but reminded me of it):</p>
<p>Mathematical formula for success: </p>
<p>From a strictly mathematical viewpoint it goes like this: What Makes 100%?
What does it mean to give MORE than 100%?
Ever wonder about those people who say they are giving more than 100%?
We have all been to those meetings where someone wants you to give over 100%. </p>
<p>How about achieving 103%? </p>
<p>Here’s a little mathematical formula that might help you answer
these questions: </p>
<p>What makes up 100% in life? </p>
<p>If: </p>
<p>A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z
is represented as: </p>
<p>1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26. </p>
<p>Then: </p>
<p>H-A-R-D-W-O-R-K
8+1+18+4+23+15+18+11 = 98% </p>
<p>and </p>
<p>K-N-O-W-L-E-D-G-E
11+14+15+23+12+5+4+7+5 = 96% </p>
<p>But, </p>
<p>A-T-T-I-T-U-D-E
1+20+20+9+20+21+4+5 = 100% </p>
<p>And, </p>
<p>B-U-L-L-S-H-I-T
2+21+12+12+19+8+9+20 = 103% </p>
<p>AND, look how far ass kissing will take you. </p>
<p>A-S-S-K-I-S-S-I-N-G
1+19+19+11+9+19+19+9+14+7 = 118% </p>
<p>So, one can then conclude with mathematical certainty that: </p>
<p>While Hard work and knowledge will get you close, </p>
<p>And, Attitude will get you there, </p>
<p>But ■■■■■■■■ and Ass kissing will put you over the top!!!</p>
<p>Two men were sitting at a bar on the top floor of a tall building. One man turns to the other man and says, “you know, the slope of the side of the building creates huge wind vents at the 10th floor preventing anyone who jumps out the window from hitting the ground.”</p>
<p>“bull s h i t” says the second man</p>
<p>“watch!” says the first man as he jumps out the window. he falls to the 40th, 30th, 20th floor and at the 10th floor he suddenly stops and comes back up to the window and into the bar.</p>
<p>“i don’t believe my eyes!” says the second man in amazement</p>
<p>“i’ll do it again!” says the first and down he falls, 40, 30, 20 and at 10 he is lifted back up into the bar.</p>
<p>“let me try!!” says the second man, and he swiftly jumps out the window and falls 40, 30, 20, 10 aaaaaand SPLAT onto the pavement.</p>
<p>The first man chuckles and the bartender turns to him and says, “God, Superman, you can really be an ass hole when you’re drunk.”</p>
<p>The Pope had become very ill and was taken to many doctors, none
of who could figure out how to cure him. Finally he was brought
to an old physician. After about an hour’s examination the
physician came out and told the cardinals that he had some good
news and some bad news.</p>
<p>The bad news was that the pope had a rare disorder of the
testicles, which if left untreated, would be fatal. The good news
was that all the Pope had to do to be cured, was to have sex.</p>
<p>Well, this was not good news to the cardinals, who argued about
it at length. Finally they went to the Pope with the doctor and
explained the situation.</p>
<p>After some thought, the Pope stated, “I agree, but under four
conditions.”</p>
<p>The cardinals were amazed and there arose quite an uproar. Over
the noise a single voice asked, “And what are the four
conditions?”</p>
<p>The room stilled. There was a long pause…</p>
<p>The Pope replied, “First the girl must be blind, so that she
cannot see with whom she is having sex.”</p>
<p>“Second, she must be deaf, so that she cannot hear with whom she
is having sex.”</p>
<p>“And third, she must be mute so that if somehow she figures out
with whom she is having sex, she can tell no one.”</p>
<p>After another long pause a voice arose and asked,</p>
<p>“And the fourth condition?”</p>
<p>The Pope replied, “Big tits.”</p>
<p>A man died and was taken to his place of eternal torment by the devil.</p>
<p>As he passed sulphurous pits and shrieking sinners, he saw a man he recognized as a lawyer snuggling up to a beautiful woman.</p>
<p>‘That’s unfair!’ he cried. ‘I have to roast for all eternity, and that lawyer gets to spend it with a beautiful woman.’</p>
<p>‘Shut up,’ barked the devil, jabbing the man with his pitchfork.</p>
<p>‘Who are you to question that woman’s punishment?’</p>
<p>A police chief, a fire chief, and a city attorney were traveling together by car to a municipal management conference in a distant city. Their car broke down in a rural area, and they were forced to seek shelter for the night at a nearby farmhouse. </p>
<p>The farmer welcomed them in, but cautioned them that there were only two spare beds, and that one of them would have to sleep in the barn with the farm animals. After a short conference, the police chief agreed to take the barn. </p>
<p>Shortly after retiring, a knock was heard on the door of the farmhouse. The party inside answered to find the police chief standing there, complaining that he could not sleep. There were pigs in the barn, he said, and he was reminded of the days when everyone called him a pig. The fire chief then volunteered to exchange with the police chief. </p>
<p>A short time later, another knock was heard at the door. The fire chief complained that the cows in the barn reminded him of Mrs. O’Leary’s cow that started the Chicago fire, and that every time he started to go to sleep, he started to have a fireman’s worst nightmare, that of burning to death. The city attorney, in desperation for sleep, then agreed to sleep in the barn. </p>
<p>This seemed like a good idea until a few minutes later, when another knock was heard at the door. When the occupants answered the door, there stood the very indignant cows and pigs.</p>
<p>No Offense…</p>
<p>Q: What’s worse than a redhead and a brunette trying to build a house underwater? </p>
<p>A: A blonde trying to set fire to it.</p>
<p>One night a man heard his son praying before he was about to go to bed. His son said, god bless mommy, god bless daddy, goodbye grandpa, and went to sleep. The man didn’t understand why his son said goodybe to grandpa but forgot about it and went to sleep. The next day he saw the grandpa on the floor dead from a heart attack. That night he listened in on his son praying again. His son said, god bless mommy, god bless daddy, goodbye grandma. The man got a little scared but just thought to wait until morning to see what happened. Sure enough, the grandma had died on the floor from a heart attack. That night he listened in on his son praying again. The son said, god bless mommy, goodbye daddy. The man got so scared he ran out and went to the doctor. The doctor didn’t find anything wrong, but the next morning the mom came out of the house screaming. He asked her what was wrong and she told him the milkman was dead on the front porch. (Economics teacher told us that one)</p>
<p>A guy walks into a bar, “Ouch”.</p>