If he’s interested in anime, does he watch them in he original language? Does he read manga/watch a variety of genres? Would he be interested in learning Japanese?
I sent my Aspie off to community college, twice. The first time he was enrolled in a program dedicated to 2-E kids on the spectrum. It was a spectacular fail. The second year, he earned 14 credits.
I then pulled the plug and told him he had to work. Over the next few years, he worked as a delivery driver at Domino’s and a couple of other restaurants and as a cashier at a Best Buy type store. We were shocked that he won contests for selling, especially as a cashier. It turned out that he was really good at explaining why people should buy extended warranties!
When he turned 25, I sent him a lengthy e-mail telling him that he had one year to be eligible to enroll in his own health insurance because he was aging out of mine. Six months later, totally on his own, he took the online test for the USPS. He has been a mailman for almost 2 years now. He is apparently good at it as he was occasionally loaned out as a sub to other offices and now several of them request him specifically from his assigned office - he has always had an excellent sense of direction and an excellent memory for words and numbers. He really likes his job but is now thinking about going back to school so he can move up. I think he would be great as a union rep.
Now that he’s in his later 20’s, I can see the maturation process in him. As an Aspie, it’s much slower than my younger, neurotypical kids but I didn’t expect it to take close to 10 years out of HS. Frankly, had I realized it, I would have slowed him down and let him stay in HS another year or 2, instead of graduating him at still 17.
I also agree that HS was not the best years of my son’s life. Now, he has a long term gf, a good job with a future, a car, his own money. He still lives at home, but the area we live in (LI) is one of the most expensive in the USA.
For the OP - in retrospect, I wish I had not been so hung up on having my son go to college straight out of HS. That was on me. I admit I was ashamed to have a child that was not college material and I did a great disservice to my son. It’s turning out well now, but I actually feel sort of bad that I didn’t encourage the civil service route sooner.
@techmom, at the time your and my sons were leaving high school, there wasn’t much help or information for us to figure out the next step. I too have regrets; if I’d known then what I know now, I would have acted differently. In particular, I advise parents of Aspie kids to think very hard about sending our kids to college right out of high school. And be patient.
My son – similar sounding to yours – it was clear that he was not going to go to college despite being very bright. He didn’t have the social skills nor the motivation nor the executive functioning skills. Also, he seemed beaten-down by school. While an autodidact and could teach himself outrageously sophisticated things, school was painful. This was apparent by Sophomore year of high school and we started preparing him for what came next as best as we could.
It helped that, while both parents are very highly educated and value education, neither of us had started college “on time.” Both of us had taken time off before college. As parents, we weren’t in panic mode or even low-anxiety mode about him spending perhaps a considerable amount of time before college. Although, once we started experiencing him not being in school or part of a program or job, it was hard . . . because you’re watching a pot and waiting for it to boil. Very. Slowly. Come. To. A Boil.
We also knew that some people mature at around age 25 because that’s when the frontal lobe comes more fully on board. We were prepared to gently wait until then and to see what happens. We also know that many many schools have “nontraditional student” programs, and opportunities are great in those schools: Reed, Columbia, Brown, many women’s colleges–lots and lots of school are happy to welcome older students as a unique group that adds to the campus community.
We did public school so we did have an IEP. Public school here also requires that child attends IEP meetings after age 14. This helped him get some sort of planning in mind. He had been in a voc school – which was very very hard as it turns out academically!
He graduated from HS and had nothing to do despite all of this planning and preparing. Since school had been a painful struggle for 13 years (including kindergarten) despite best efforts we allowed him to do what he wanted, decompress, for as long as he wanted. To keep him somewhat functioning in the world, we did require that he go outside the house and exercise for at least an hour each day; that he do basic housecleaning each day and deep-cleaning on weekends; and we paid him a token amount. We kept the fee small so to encourage him to get a job outside the house, while also helping him to feel that he had a place in the world, that he could contribute. We also ensured that he sit down and create a resume of his many accomplishments so that he COULD get a job when he was ready and so that he would see his many talents. we did resume writing for 20 minutes a day until it was done. Painful Process. He had little patience for this, but in the end he was happy to have it in hand. He also saw his therapist and received help in that way.
None of this was easy or painless, but college was simply not an option. Getting a job right away was also Not An Option, as he just wasn’t ready or willing. What we told him was this: When you’re ready to go to college, you will know. It’s not that you CAN’T go to college, the time is not right for now.
He was in his room, more or less, for nine months – painful to wait through that. Then one day he came out of his room and announced: I have a job. It’s in X far-away town. I have a place to live. I’m leaving tomorrow. Sure enough he left. He used his own money, none of ours. He worked the whole thing out. The plan wasn’t without mistakes, but he did it entirely on his own and currently lives independently of us. That was about nine months ago. He did get a job and set up a bank account on his own. He seems to be doing well. Recently he voiced the idea that he might want to begin attending community college “in a few months.”
Watching. A. Pot. Boil.
A long slow-seeming process . . . …
The chinese have a proverb/ story abuot the farmer who keeps pulling up his plant to see if the roots are growing. Of course the plant dies. You must water it. Support it. Add sunshine. In the right amounts and the plant will grow. Anxiously pulling it up to see if it’s growing will kill it.