He says he is drinking too much and cannot stop because there is abundant alcohol in his dorm. Drinks daily!!!What advice should I give. He is devastated, wants to stop but says he can’t .He is doing well in classes.
Tell him to find a chapter of Alcoholics Anonymous, and attend!
Exercise. He needs to find the gym & run, swim, lift weights or take an exercise class followed by a sauna or steam room.
Your son needs to reorganize his schedule & change his habits. Simple as that.
P.S. In short, he needs to get out of the dorm. There is no drinking in the library, labs or in the gym.
thank you for these responses
This is a good idea - find something ELSE to do that it productive. Daily drinking is a road to a serious lifelong problem never mind a quick ticket to failing out. There are so many things to do at school that are productive.
I’m so sorry! That must be so hard to hear, especially long distance. If he is telling you about this, I would treat that as a cry for help and encourage him to visit the school counseling center or, if you have the insurance or resources, find an area addiction specialist for him to speak with. Is there a wellness or sober dorm that he could move to?
@kisakyamaliya here is the very good news. admitting this is a problem to oneself is huge, let alone telling you. he should see a mental health specialist as soon as possible. nearly all drinking is a result of anxiety/depression and needs to be addressed in that context. while it’s possible this is situational, there is no harm in seeing a psychiatrist and quickly. i think your son is going to be ok but see a specialist and good luck to you!
Also, does the school have a sober living dorm or floor? Maybe he could get moved there. Hugs to you!
Maybe help him look for non-dorm housing for next year? If he has an addictive response to alcohol being readily available he’d be better off in a living situation where it’s not always there.
I ‘m grateful for the responses and I will share with Him. Thank you.
If there is an upside to this, it’s that he is admitting it and telling you/reaching out for help. You are a good parent, as evidenced by his sharing this with you.
As others have mentioned, he needs to make an appointment with the school counseling center. They will be able to help him with resources. I would also recommend a change of scenery-- if there is always alcohol in his dorm, it is going to be very difficult for him to not drink. You and he can talk with student housing about this and hopefully make some arrangements to get him moved. As others said, perhaps there are “dry” dorms or off-campus housing that would be better.
This resource may be helpful:
https://www.niaaa.nih.gov/
He was brave to tell you. I agree with all the great advice above. I would also encourage him to find one friend who doesn’t drink, or might want to slow down as your son does. He might have to wait for a clinical appointment, but he and a friend can go work out today. Swap a bad habit for a good one - but doing it with a buddy will keep each other honest. He can just say he wants to do a month long purge - he doesn’t have to admit to his buddies he is concerned.
It’s not entirely clear to me whether the problem is leaning towards dependency, or peer pressure, but regardless of which of those it is I agree that removing himself as much as possible from the dorm environment will help - ideally also leading him to a different, more sober group of friends, even if he can’t move out of the dorm till next year. You’re lucky your son is open with you about this, but also kudos to you for clearly having the kind of relationship with your kid/s where they know they can come to you for help without being judged. Good luck, I’m sure your son will figure it out.
@Publisher I know you meant well, but this reply was way off-base.
While I agree that a change of habits/scenery is helpful, to say “simple as that” is grossly misinformed and frankly insulting. OP’s son has admitted that he “wants to stop but says he can’t”. Nothing will be simple for him. He needs to seek help. Simply changing his schedule and hitting the gym is not the solution and akin to saying “toughen up”.
@eb23282: You are just speculating. You have no way of knowing OP’s situation other than what has been shared in this thread. In my view, you are over reacting. If OP’s son needed AA or a psychiatrist as suggested above by other posters, I suspect that his parents would be on scene withdrawing him from school for treatment, and not letting him remain in his current dorm environment.
In short, until OP’s son has tried correcting his schedule and habits, it is as simple as that.
P.S. As support for my position, OP wrote “He is doing well in [his] classes.”. Her son just needs direction, better habits & a different type of environment.
Also, I suspect that OP’s son is, as a second semester junior in college, maturing & realizing that he needs to focus on his future as opposed to present day pleasures / enjoyment.
@publisher “He is devastated, wants to stop but says he can’t”. He needs help. Simple as that.
“Cannot stop” is a big red flag to me too. I would also suggest AA and getting support.
Yes, and the issue remaining is what type of help. You & I disagree on that. It is not our decision. This thread is for suggestions for a parent to consider in helping her young adult son. The request is not due to the university administrators, campus or local police or from a medical care facility, but from a young man who is maturing & wants to change his habits & his environment.
Ironically, we understand our eating issues more than drinking problems.
One of mine relied on the library, focused more on her understanding friends, those who’d support her by not pressing a drink or were willing to do something else, and only walked through parties, to be seen, then left. She’s post grad and still doesn’t drink. But this came after being sent to the hosptal one evening.
Do I think all kids come to this change in behavior easily? No.
OP hasn’t said he tried these initial steps, only that he drinks daily, wants to stop and can’t.
OP wrote: “He says he is drinking too much and cannot stop because there is abundant alcohol in his dorm. Drinks daily !!!”
Solution: Change dorms to a substance free dorm & change habits from drinking after school to studying, exercising or any other type of activity which does not involve alcohol.
Worth repeating: OP wrote: “He is doing well in classes.”