<p>For those of you who are sending or have sent kids off to college, are you expecting just say"no" to some activities and experiences or preparing and counseling for an everything or some things in moderation? If so, which ones? I’m not just thinking sex, drugs and alcohol, but soft serve ice cream and late night pizza, etc. Have you made a list or two? Have you differentiated with things like drugs and alcohol around no to some and moderate acceptance or experimentation with others? How have you counseled your kids or prepared them e.g. provided birth control ahead of known need just in case or pot vs heroin discussions?</p>
<p>Since my kids were little, I have told them that is is easier to say no to peer pressure than it is to break a drug habit. Never start. There is some family history of addiction, so I hit them as hard as I could about drug abuse.</p>
<p>I have tried to talk about most of what you are talking about through the years, so college will be a refresher.</p>
<p>To moderate or not to moderate? Hmm.</p>
<p>I am myself immoderate, or have been at points in my life, in about every way a person can be immoderate. So it would not do for me to preach the virtues of moderation to my child or to preach them immoderately, as it were. </p>
<p>My D, however, is moderate by nature. She is the soul of moderation, actually. If anything, I find myself urging her to let loose a little bit. At the same time, I think it’s terrific that she has no interest in alcohol or drugs (but, thankfully, has grown a bit more tolerant of others who do have a moderate interest in them). She’s not susceptible to any kind of external pressure, so I don’t expect she’ll fall prey to pushy peers. it might make her unpopular among less moderate types, but so be it. </p>
<p>As for birth control, as soon as she had a BF (sad excuse for one that he was) I handed her a box of condoms and some spermicidal jams and jellies. We’ve been talking about sex in age-appropriate ways since she was a little girl. With this boyfriend I mentioned above, she claimed she wasn’t ready for sex, and I believed her. But a good friend pointed out that teenagers can feel they’re not ready one moment and be very ready a half-hour later so I told her it was best to be prepared on that score.</p>
<p>Everything in moderation is what I would go with but as MD mom says, moderately does not cover for a predilection to addition.</p>
<p>May be others have better answers.</p>
<p>Yes, it can be difficult from the vantage point of adulthood, when you know about the perils of addiction. As someone who has enjoyed alcohol all my life (usually moderately but not, I’m ashamed to say, always over 35 years of drinking), I would not be able to pretend it was not one of my life’s pleasures. At the same time, I don’t see a need for someone to try if she’s not interested. </p>
<p>As far as my own child goes, I count myself lucky on this score. My D is rejecting alcohol and drugs not because she comes from a family where these things are verboten but out of her own beliefs about what makes sense for her long-term physical and mental health. </p>
<p>We don’t need to discuss moderation because being moderate is really her natural inclination.</p>
<p>I am certainly not one to practice moderation throughout my college career, so it is difficult to preach to DS, particularly when I don’t think many acitivities truly bring harm (in moderation at least). I have raised him to be vocal and to stand up for himself, so maybe the preaching about moderation is unecessary. Regardless refuse to cut off communication should a breach in judgement occur, as I am here to support him in all that he does.</p>
<p>I remember being totally enthralled by the lure of freely available soft-seve ice cream in the dining hall. First semester was a disaster before I learned moderation and started a running program. That was also the mid 80s - high water mark for fro-yo with toppings. Many girls would say things like, “I just had a yogurt for lunch.” You knew they really meant a 20 oz soft serve with mini-m & ms on top! And people thought the drug market on Telegraph Ave was going to be the trouble but it was really the fro-yo across the street from the dorm.</p>
<p>My D does have a potato chip problem, I should admit that. I could see her succumbing to soft serve, as well. We shall see how well she manages moderation on that front.</p>
<p>There have also been threads about young men who took their gaming systems to school and had trouble with moderation when not on a parentally imposed time limit.</p>
<p>ooh - listening to streaming Wait, wait - don’t tell me! and they just mentioned a google designed AI computer which was turned loose on the web and became fixated with cat videos. My son might have that problem!</p>
<p>I am more afraid of the video games than I am the drugs. My son definitely goes in waves. The only saving grace is that he would rather be with friends than play games, so maybe he will have enough frinds around to keep hom occupied.</p>
<p>Saintfan, I need to listen to that episode now!</p>
<p>I worry about videogames as well. DS will not be taking his systems until pledging is complete. I want him to go an entire semester so that he can really see how heavy his workload will be. He can play wit other people, but I am not willing to let him get caught up in a room all year.</p>
<p>It is a big rite of passage to moderate your own thoughts and even actions. My d started a new school with a stringent dress code. She knowingly wore the wrong color cami and discovered the world of demerits. I think their demerit system is punitive and only teaches through negative reinforcement. Besides, when is the last time you got demerits as an adult. I’d rather she learn through positive reinforcement.</p>
<p>Mine will not be taking the consoles or TV, but he has one of the RPGs on his laptop.</p>
<p>Teach moderation. “No” doesn’t work IME with college students (or people in general).</p>
<p>saintfan - I have to sue google since I suspect they stole my D’s DNA. We have no cats but sometimes we get a ‘meow’ for a greeting.</p>
<p>[Google’s</a> Artificial Intelligence System Loves LOLCats](<a href=“http://www.neatorama.com/2012/06/27/googles-artificial-intelligence-system-loves-lolcats/]Google’s”>Google's Artificial Intelligence System Loves LOLCats - Neatorama)</p>
<p>I have heard several stories about video games and non-parental moderation in terms of time limits destroying a freshman’s first term grades. I have a friend who told me (top of his high school class) that back in the late 80s, he played some of those video games (whatever the video arcade systems are called) without breaks and one time he did it 18 hours or longer non-stop while in college.</p>
<p>MD mom- similar, for the freshman year, we have said “no” to game consoles, car on campus, and netflix subscription. Car and Console are subject to reconsideration pending first year grades and a good reason why he needs them. Netflix- not so much. The car is going to be a biggie- we are already working on the why not for next year. But we will see how it goes. </p>
<p>And he has a number of games on his laptop too. </p>
<p>I am not so nieve to think that he will not play games or be in someone elses car, or watch someone elses netflix…but he will have to at least go to someone elses room, be with a group, and use social skill for that to happen.</p>
<p>Romani- No actually works pretty well with DS. What works even better is “sure, but you pay for it”.</p>
<p>I didn’t say there weren’t exceptions. Just in general. </p>
<p>And I have no problem with making students pay for everything listed in the OP. I encourage it in fact.</p>
<p>I was a total goody two-shoes in high school; by which I mean I was a straight arrow and quite self-righteous and preachy about it. I do not thereby include kids who are pretty straight arrowish because it’s right for them and who are not tiresomely holier than thou about it. When I went to college I discovered beer and enjoyed it immoderately for awhile. So I’ve learned to talk to my kids about moderation right from the get-go and not be preachy about things. </p>
<p>Experimentation is normal and pushing limits can be a developmentally appropriate response to independence. I only hope I can give my kids the tools they need to navigate those waters. </p>
<p>Re games: my younger, a 16 year old boy, is too into video games. But older kids he adores (my D’s bf and his friends, all just graduated) have shown him by example that they are not as into games as they get older and that being too involved in games after a point is lame. I’m hoping those young men continue their unintentional but terrific teaching about moderation for my guy!</p>
<p>Texas: there was an ICarly episode where Spencer was addicted to a stand up game called “Pack-Rat” and stopped sleeping or eating - was even considering a catheter!</p>