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<p>will you introduce my son to these kids? LOL</p>
<p>I actually think that some of that will happen to him in college too. One of the reasons we will not drag every little thing to school the first semester is so he can figure out what he really needs and/or will actually use.</p>
<p>My video game addicted son told us he doesn’t want a tv or gaming system at college! He does play games on his computer and he now jokes with me that he’ll lock himself in his room and never go out. He says it like it’s a joke but I’ve seen him and his buddy’s staying up most the night playing. I’ve read studies about the effectiveness of moderating game usage - most “experts” seem to believe that they get to the point where they do figure it out on their own. He has gotten a lot better, but it seems to be his go to activity when he’s bored.</p>
<p>I knew there would be experimentation, pushing limits with new found freedom, etc. so I did advocate moderation…</p>
<p>I just preached “only one risky behavior at a time!” e.g., if you are driving, don’t drink. If you are drinking, don’t have sex. If you are doing drugs, don’t drink. If you are having sex, don’t drive!..</p>
<p>And also, …“you are now 18 and may pay your own legal bills…”</p>
<p>Brilliant, gosmom. I am stealing your idea. </p>
<p>I did tell DD her freshman year that because she was taking one prescription medicine, she should not mix it with more than one other drug, including OTC. Kids do not realize that beer, Tylenol, aspirin, and others should not be combined.</p>
<p>Thinking of changing the Netflix password while he’s at orientation. 
Not sure he could do that in moderation at first.</p>
<p>Yes, gosmom! If you are driving, definitely no sex (even hands free) . . . and no frozen yogurt either. As a parent spending all kinds of money for a school with those (shall we say immoderate) extras like rock climbing walls and on campus night spots, one wouldn’t want their kid eschewing the perks in favor of marathon Black Ops sessions. They might as well live in the basement and go to a local CC!</p>
<p>My D’s expensive school has a huge room in the student center with five huge flatscreens on the wall, leather couches opposite. I said, “How can kids watch five different TVs all at once?” and the tour guide opened the cabinets below the screens to reveal multiple gaming consoles PER EACH huge TV. Ahhhhh. That’s where my money’s goin’.</p>
<p>Video games can relieve stress. When DD comes home after her semester ends, she will go buy a new game and play it until she finishes it. Then she is done. DS would start another game.</p>
<p>Yes, I am not opposed to some fun gaming. And the big gaming room at D’s school might actually be fun for socializing. Just don’t want the room=cave=hermit thing to ever happen to kids (or anyone for that matter!).</p>
<p>It’s hard to say how they are wired.
I do not have an addictive predisposition, but H does, very much so.
But they each took a year off before college and I think the maturity gained in that year was worth doingso.
Granted, I didn’t hear exactly what went on while D was traipsing around Goa.</p>
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<p>Me too Jaylynn, when he is at home I can be the moderator or gatekeeper for that. And give him little reminders that he has been playing his game for x amount of time.
When he is hundreds of miles away, I can’t.</p>
<p>When he was in middle school, we had a system. He would earn time on the game systems, and demerits would lose him time on the game systems. Worked initially. Then not so much!</p>
<p>Demerits work some on younger kids, not so much on older kids and adults. You just have to trust them a bit. Otherwise they won’t figure out how to be grown up. Remember the books when we were young parents-- positive reinforcement works better than negative!!</p>
<p>Right which is why he would earn time on the console for getting his work done/ house work/ etc. We called them merits…</p>
<p>But he would lose time, which we called demerits, when he lost papers, did not turn in HW, did not do his chores…</p>
<p>We were pretty lenient in our moderation of his activites on the game system. And we made exceptions to the online rules at times. It got to the point where we argued over what he did / did not use too much though. So we changed tactics.</p>
<p>Same here. There seems to be a pretty obvious demarcation of when stuff like that (in our case, a slightly lame popsicle stick system of game time) just stops. working. !!</p>
<p>So overall do you think it’s fair for parents to moderate the behavior of their kids when they are over 18 and at college? I think it makes more sense to give reasonable warnings, but I wouldn’t want to ban things like video games that can provide some stress relief.</p>
<p>I love the idea of no more than one thing at a time, and I bet a lot of us will pass that along. I’ve tried to educate my D about the really dangerous things she might not have encountered like alcohol poisoning, date rape drugs, etc. The things that can really harm them worry me. I’m another one who was not at all moderate myself in college, but my D is much more so, but the flip side of that is she hasn’t experimented while I’m nearby. I am glad she got her drivers license this summer, so at least she would be legal if she ever had the need to be a designated driver.</p>
<p>She does overindulge in FB sometimes.</p>
<p>I think moderating college age kids is a tough decsion. And I think it is different from kid to kid. Some need more structure, and some not so much. Obviously you can’t institute a demerit/ reward system like a little kid. Or a demerit system like the military has for your grown children. But when you KNOW that you kid has had issues with over indulgence with certian things in the past, like excessive gaming, then you have to help set certian limits. </p>
<p>My son is now 18- his curfew is very relaxed, but he is expected to let us know a basic idea of where he is, who he is with, and when home. And to let us know when he comes in at night. That is called being considerate and a safety measure. And we remind him of certian things before he goes out so he can make good decisions. </p>
<p>Do I expect him to let me know those things when he goes off to college? Of course not. But I hope that the reminders and teaching he has had from us will sink in and he will be considerate of others, and will make good decisions. </p>
<p>Otherwise, I will give him a demerit!! LOL</p>
<p>Moderation, but not for the reasons you might think. D is very, very straight-laced. Sometimes I can’t believe what comes out of my mouth. As in, you know, you don’t have to get sloppy, stinking wasted, but it wouldn’t kill you to darken the door of a party.</p>
<p>I was pretty strict with my kids in high school, so they know where I stand on many issues. I expect when they go to college they will break some of my rules/benchemarks. I hope through experienmenting, they will come up with their own rules to live by. </p>
<p>When D1 went off to college, I told her that I would be there for her no matter what and she could come to me if she should ever get into a jam. I will do the same for D2. </p>
<p>By the time they go off to college, hopefully they’ll remember how they were brought up and their parents values are. I don’t want to be in the position of nagging them or reminding them what they can and cannot do.</p>
<p>ordinarylives, drinking is not something I worry about in my son at this time either. But we have had many conversations about drinking and drugs, and I have taught him the fine art of going to parties to “people watch”, and watch out for his friends. He also has learned when to say enough is enough of even their behavior, though.</p>
<p>There are times when moderation is appropriate, and times when it is not. Anyone old enough to remember Barry Goldwater’s famous slogan from 1964, “moderation in the defense of liberty is no vice?” (Not commenting on whether I agreed with it or not!)</p>