<p>Fair? My question is, how do you think it’s possible? It never occurred to me that I’d have any direct say in my kids’ behavior in college, other than calling home. I’m sure there are things I’m glad I don’t know about. I heard of a few things I would rather not have heard about. But truly, can we do anymore at this point than hope that our values made some impression and continue to influence their choices, and hope that whatever experimenting they do is tempered by common sense?</p>
<p>Jaylynn, I was thinking about the whole demerit thing not working with teenagers ( I know somone else said something about it too). But dont a lot of Greek organizations fuction on a merit/demerit type of system, as well as the military academies? Are those successful? </p>
<p>Not that I want my son in a millitary acadamy or Greek system, I think that type of moderation and control is overboard. Not to mention the other problems with the Greek systems.</p>
<p>And moonchild, I think we have certian things that we can try to moderate or control- sometimes successfully, sometimes not. Even with us not allowing our son to take his game sytem with him, there is very little stopping him from going out and purchasing a new one once he gets to school. Well, except for the fact that he is cheap and hates to spend his money! LOL He is really good at self moderating his spending!!</p>
<p>We still need to do the solo cup and sharpie line measurement exercise this summer. D will attend a “dry” school which has alcohol education that focuses on moderation and education. There is a mandatory online program to be complete over the summer. I like that they understand that understanding and education don’t equal promotion and aren’t head in sand about things. She will not have a game console or tv, but isn’t much of a gamer anyway. </p>
<p>LOL on the party education, ordinarylives!</p>
<p>My BIL’s previously middle of the road brother went away to college and had a religious conversion. When he came home he was pretty adamant that his whole family was going straight to hell. He is now more moderate in his beliefs, but it cause quite a family rift.</p>
<p>In my wild and misspent youth, moderation was not my middle name. I just want to hear more about absweetmarie’s mystery immoderation.</p>
<p>saintfan – I totally believe it about the dangers of never-ending college fro-yo!</p>
<p>My brother decided to attend military school for his last year of HS and his first two years of college. They did use the demerit system there and you had to serve guard duty when you had too many. I can’t imagine a non-military college ever issuing demerits, they just do monetary fines instead! I’m hoping my kid remembers everything she’s been taught about making good choices when she’s in college. She’s got a pretty good head on her shoulders but still going to keep all the fingers crossed!</p>
<p>D’s school also has a substance use/alcohol education course they must complete online before registering, but it’s certainly not a dry school! </p>
<p>One of my friend’s sons missed the alcohol awareness seminar (supposedly required) at Dartmouth because he went to a party…!!</p>
<p>As I recall, the so called “dry” schools had the biggest drinkers. And sometimes that does not extend to the greek houses if they hae seperate houses on campus. It was basically a joke. That was many years ago, so I am sure things have improved (wink, wink). </p>
<p>And I think that many schools have the online alcohol education too. I would like to know if they have any information on whether or not those programs have made a difference in the alcohol problems at the schools. I know that they are usually a part of a bigger program, so it may be hard to actually get meaningful numbers for the online program itself.</p>
<p>IRL, mspearl, I am mostly moderate except when I’m not. A few years ago I got thrown out of a gay piano bar for, umm, excessive singing of George Gershwin tunes. Or was it one too many frozen cosmos? Memory hazy. Not my finest hour.</p>
<p>I have occasionally been an anti-example for my child. :(</p>
<p>When we sent our older 2 off to college we sat them down and talked about not being stupid at school. It covered a great many topics but mainly drinking. They are very anti “drugs” so that helped on that part. Their schools shows a VERY graphic video of what happens when you are addicted to meth and they still have nightmares about that–loved that video. We basically said that we were not stupid and we know college students drink, just don’t be stupid about it, don’t binge drink, don’t drink and drive. If a friend is very drunk, don’t leave them alone, that kind of stuff. So far, so good but we have 2 more to go. They are pretty level headed too but you never know.</p>
<p>Maybe sending reminders of home can help kids stay grounded to their roots. I know my kids always loved care packages at camp, and ups has this great service where you can ship a box for one flat rate. You could put in pictures of home, inspirational quotes and favorite foods. A little quik powder in milk always reminds me of when I was a kid and though I wasn’t allowed koolaid or soda we would have chocolate milk. Im guessing most schools don’t serve that, which is a shame.</p>
<p>I think my DH and I have been anti-examples on many occasion. We are always amazed that we have a sober kid who appears to have no serious faults, except he keeps getting pulled over for sppeding (though no ticket with 4 warnings). </p>
<p>Thinkgeek sells a glass that has all the serving sizes on the side. I think I will get it for him anyway as an educational tool if nothing else. </p>
<p>Now vlines, I hope that you have enough tolerance regarding Greek life to keep an open mind. Most people in Greek life have learned to self-regulate. After all, they are adults and hardly need a moderator, though as an advisor, I have certainly had to step in to issue warnings. </p>
<p>In general, I find that any punitive system that locks someone out from a support system seems to fail. People can turn cynical, no longer respect the system and even work to disrupt the system. Who wants to create a group of rebels after all? In the Greek systems that I familiar with asking people to resign or kicking them out is a last resort. Better to work within the system.</p>
<p>Eyemamom, I am sorry to hear that your school doesn’t have chocolate milk. that is one thing that my Ds finds important, so he will make sure it is in any fraternity that he joins. Maybe that is another benefit of Greek Life after all, the freedom to have chocolate milk available with no extra charge.</p>
<p>Resolved: Moderation in the offspring is inversely proportional to immoderation of the parents in their youth.</p>
<p>I get the feeling that several parents here can provide evidence. </p>
<p>On a side topic - greek system has merit and demerit points? Is it for the house or individual in the house? Enquiring minds want to know what other fluids are available apart from choco milk.</p>
<p>DD went to a crew camp some years ago and there were four rules. 1. Nobody of the opposite sex in the other’s dorm.2. Everything is mandatory. 3.[ I can never remember. ]
4. If in doubt about what to do, don’t do anything stupid.</p>
<p>At our house, when the kids walk out the door, we say:“Remember, rule number four.”</p>
<p>texaspg, it is generally for the individuals in the house. Behind on dues, didn’t attend required meetings or put in community service hours, then no chance to do fun stuff like mixers or formal. </p>
<p>As to the various drinks, I would say that would be up to the house, but you can guarantee that my DS will fight for his right to chocolate up.</p>