<p>I hear you Classof2015. DS is considering becoming a priest - that really draws some strange responses too, including from people we thought would be more supportive. H and I are conflicted enough as it is without anyone else’s help there.</p>
<p>Oy!!!</p>
<p>(so much ignorance and rudeness)</p>
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<p>Again, as I asked about the military, is there any response that is acceptable to you other than “cool” or “you must be so proud”? Is, “wow, that’s quite a commitment” acceptable?</p>
<p>I guess the general response with casual acquaintances should be “how nice”, no matter if the job is priest, Marine, fire fighter or circus clown.</p>
<p>D2’s first choice is West Point. I have been disappointed by the reaction of most of her teachers who “don’t see her there.” A few years back one of the top students from her school chose West Point and didn’t make it through a month, and the teachers seem to think that if he couldn’t survive there she won’t. D2 is furious with the implied comparison; she’s nearly as accomplished academically and far more accomplished in social skills and extracurriculars. And then near strangers encourage her to attend and compliment her drive. At a recent scholarship dinner for D1 at a liberal university, two profs seated at the table with D2 and me were both impressed that she wanted to attend the academy. One of them had just returned from two months as an embedded reporter with a marine unit in Afghanistan. He was a wealth of information and didn’t hide the realities of service which D2 is well aware of. For the people who bring up D2’s safety, I remind them there is no guarantee she’ll make it home safely on the freeway driving home from school.</p>
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<p>If she is tough enough to make it through West Point, she is tough enough to deal with the teachers’ reactions. She is asking for a college experience that the majority of students couldn’t handle and wouldn’t want to try.</p>
<p>It’s never fair to compare two students (or children) for that matter.</p>
<p>It’s not right, but human nature to make those comparisons.</p>
<p>Clearly the best reaction is “great” but I think the problem is many people are having a problem faking this reaction for careers that they would not want their own kids in (military, priesthood). It takes a mature leap to be able to see through someone else’s viewpoint and share their genuine enthusiasm with a choice that does not seem appealing to you. I can struggle with this… Also we all know that we can’t really control our kids, they will do what they will do and we need to try to understand and accept their choices.</p>
<p>phbmom, I know the spirit of this thread is to support young people and their parents and their choices. But I’m going to violate that principle here.</p>
<p>Before your daughter decides on West Point, I would make absolutely sure that she has spoken with a number of students that have been admitted to West Point, whether they made it through or washed out. Why not ask the student from her school that didn’t make it through a month? She should read all she can about the student experience there.</p>
<p>West Point is all about subjecting their first years to severe hard core sadistic bullying. If a young person survives that does that make he or she a better person? Will they join the sadists when it is their turn? When someone hints that your daughter might not be right for the Academy, that might be a compliment.</p>
<p>West Point is not just about being smart and tough. The kind of crap your daughter will have to endure is way beyond what most high schoolers can imagine.</p>
<p>Sorry to be negative, but please investigate further. </p>
<p>That said, I have highest respect for service to our country.</p>
<p>My daughter and husband visited West Point last spring, and it is the one college visit (she’s done at least a dozen) where she walked away knowing she wanted to be there. The cadets at lunch were candid about the challenges and difficulties. She did the Summer Leaders Seminar at West Point in June, again coming away believing that is where she would like to be. Over the past year she has read extensively about the academy and watched the videos that are available. I believe she understands as completely as a 17-year old girl without a military connection can what the commitment is, and she is still working toward that goal with a LOA in hand and waiting for a nomination. I would prefer the teachers ask her if she’s willing to put up with all the “crap” there instead of saying “I don’t see you there.” I know I can’t dictate how people phrase their reactions; I’m just not one to dash someone’s goal with the first words that come out of my mouth.</p>
<p>phb- please thank your daughter for her willingness to serve. The service academies are not for everyone - that is what makes them so elite. You must be very proud.</p>
<p>It sounds to me like your daughter has done what she can to gauge what West Point is like. I wish her the best, and thank her in advance for her service to our country.</p>
<p>pbmom … I have to agree with mbdad here – my kids are grown now, but I think a statement from someone who knows your kid well that they “don’t see your kid” in a certain setting is worth some follow-up. There is a difference between rude and clueless comments, and sincere well-meaning feedback. That multiple teachers have that reaction may mean that they see something in their student that you or she haven’t really thought about. I think a comment like that is an opening – an appropriate response would be, “why not?” </p>
<p>Now if the response to the “why not” comment is not informative or is based on some sort of uninformed stereotype – then the comment can be dismissed. </p>
<p>I actually had feedback like that from teachers who worked with my kids, expressing reservations about my kids’ maturity, readiness or fit for various activities. (Not college choice – but other things, such as my daughter’s decision to participate in a foreign exchange during high school.) </p>
<p>Now if the only answer to the “why not” question is a story about the other boy who dropped out… you (or your daughter) can thank them for their concern and assure them that you are well aware of the challenges ahead. On the other hand, if there is a very specific reservation – then it really should be a factor that is taken into consideration. It doesn’t mean that your d’s plans change … but at least she has thought about that factor and how it plays into her choice.</p>
<p>I agree with Calmom that not all less than postitive responses should be disregarded (smile and nod, smile and nod…). No one likes a buzzkill, but I do know a few things about a few schools that might actually be informative to parents whose kids are applying there. I try to be very diplomatic but what good are we if we don’t share relevant information or
insights? </p>
<p>Okay, I will share one pet peeve. Over the summer, folks would ask where D had visited…after I rattled off the name of all 11 schools, the other person would inevitably say, “she should go visit [name of 12th school]” … as if all 11 schools she already visited were unworthy of consideration.</p>
<p>I have spoken to the teachers who all use the other kid’s experience as a basis for their opinion. </p>
<p>I misrepresented my daughter earlier when I said she was furious with their reaction. Disappointed is more like it.</p>
<p>Here’s a thread I started a long time ago, for Service Academy Parents</p>
<p><a href=“http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/service-academy-parents/486275-say-aint-so.html[/url]”>http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/service-academy-parents/486275-say-aint-so.html</a></p>
<p>Of all of these my personal favorite is when a neighbor expressed her sincere sympathies that my sons attending the United States Air Force Academy won’t be going to college, “even though they are so smart.” </p>
<p>They’re juniors now - 2 degrees - and have never regretted their choice.</p>
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Sure, as would be anything neutral, non-committal, “gee you don’t hear that one much these days”, “I hear that takes a long time of study”, etc. </p>
<p>Not so good: </p>
<p>1) that little noise best described as a contemptuous snort (couple of those from colleagues)
2) “I would never pay for my son to do that” (from an atheist)
3) “I just wish he could become something ELSE first” (repeatedly to me from MIL)
4) “Oh, you don’t want to do that” (directly TO DS from FIL)</p>
<p>Missypie, I would say any response other than a negative one that makes them feel as if they have made a dumb decision that merits no approval from those who know them.</p>
<p>Even if a kid is totally committed and believes in what they’re doing, it is reaffirming to have others congratulate them on their choice and wish them all the best just as you would do if a kid said he was majoring in Chem. with plans to go to Med. sch.</p>
<p>If you have a hard time understanding why a kid would make that choice, just ask them what led to their decision. Most will be glad to tell you because they’re proud of what their doing. Our local newpaper did a story about S1 and his best friend who were both headed off to big state u. on NROTC scholarships. That was pretty cool for them.</p>
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<p>That must be so frustrating. Don’t think I could do the smile and nod at that.
I had a parent tell me about their child’s classmate, whom they depicted as having to attend his “safety”, “some navy place”, describing it as if the kid had really just bombed in the admissions process, turns out he was accepted to the Naval Academy at Annapolis.</p>
<p>Annapolis…a safety. Ha ha. </p>
<p>As if! </p>
<p>Some people aren’t very bright. They just don’t get it, and nothing you could say to them would probably change it.</p>
<p>I think another possible acceptable reaction about a particular career choice (military, priesthood, rabbinate, garbage collector) might be, “That’s very interesting. What interests you about it?” </p>
<p>As far as those who know your kid making comments like “I don’t see her there” may be worth listening to (not in every case, though - clearly not in the once discussed above). My d heard similar comments in the other way around. Several people she knew kept telling her that she really had to apply to a particular school. It had nothing on paper that interested her. Finally she said, “OK, I’ll apply” just to get them off her back. She did, and she got in. She’s graduating from there in May, and is still loving her experience there.</p>
<p>Sometimes other people do know something about your kids that you (and they!) don’t know.</p>