<p>I agree with firefly scout, I think you should go to the principal or dean. I would also document the situation in writing.</p>
<p>How can a teacher give her detention because she didn’t like the way she was driving, not even on school grounds? This IS bizarre. If D is a dangerous driver, report her to the cops. But detention? Inappropriate. The teacher backing down the minute D agreed to go to the Dean tells me that she doesn’t have a leg to stand on.</p>
<p>I’d talk to the principal/dean. Teacher is definitely abusing the power of her position.</p>
<p>I agree with above posters. The teacher was clearly out of line. Her behavior is not acceptable.</p>
<p>A couple years ago, my D was called out of class to see the school principal. D was floored when he asked if she owned a black XYZ car (school has make/model info on file for parking passes). She said yes, and he told her that someone had called the school to say that a student from the school (seen pulling into the school parking lot), driving a similar car, had passed a bus when its red lights were flashing (on a 5 lane road). D would never do that, and she told him as much. He told her he would be talking to all students with similar cars to say the same thing … that it is very dangerous to pass a bus & if she hit a child she would never forgive herself. I do believe D, but the principal did the right thing. All kids who MIGHT have been at fault got the talk & were reminded of the importance of paying attention to safety rules. This is how such things SHOULD be handled.</p>
<p>IMHO this is bizarre behavior, and an abuse of power by the teacher. On the other hand, the teacher is in a position to retaliate against your D (via grading) if you make an issue of it. For now, the best approach is to document the facts and make the GC aware of what happened, but tell her that you don’t want to cause trouble for the teacher since your D is still in the teacher’s class–just make the GC aware in confidence in case something else happens later.</p>
<p>Your daughter is correct in thinking that the teacher should not be able to punish her with detention for a minor traffic infraction that may have occurred outside of school. At a public school, the teacher would legally have no right to do so. Since your D is at a private school, the legal ability of the school to punish for off-campus behavior is not as clearcut, but should be clarified in the student handbook, etc. For example, my S’s private school stated in their handbook that “before and after school hours, when the students are off school grounds, they are under the jurisdiction of their parents.”</p>
<p>Legal issues aside, morally the teacher is clearly in the wrong here. Your D may have gone out of turn at a 4-way stop, but it’s impossible for the teacher to know with certainty that she did so intentionally (the other off-campus behavior that you mention resulted in punishment–beating someone up and drinking–involved students who clearly were aware that what they were doing was wrong). These intersections can be confusing and intimidating, people often go out of turn, and she is after all a young, inexperienced teenage driver. The teacher, on the other hand, appears to have exhibited anger–an emotional and incorrect reaction to ordinary traffic events.</p>
<p>Lie low and don’t make a stink while your D is still in the teacher’s class (until she has her grades for the year), but do document the circumstances of this incident and provide this in confidence to the GC in case there is more. I wouldn’t do anything else myself, except perhaps to write a letter to the teacher after your D has graduated–and really tell her what you think! Wait til your D is safe from possible repercussions of your actions.</p>
<p>In truth, it sounds like everyone involved in this situation is overreacting. It is natural to want to protect one’s child, but we have only heard one side of the story, and it is a second hand report at that. It is probably a good idea to have a conference with the administration in a calm, rational, reasonable manner, and discuss how to appropriately resolve the issue. If anyoneid confrontational or abrasive, things can go south. Be calm, rational, and ask that the matter be dropped.</p>
<p>It is hard to ask that the matter be “dropped” when this is your child’s teacher who had a bit of road rage, took that into the school and threatened my D with punishment, using the school as her weapon</p>
<p>Of course I will be calm, and yes you are hearing one side, but underwhat circumstances does a teacher threaten detention for a non-event at an intersection?</p>
<p>I am not going to make a stink or anything, all I am going to do at this point is let the GC know what happened, so that if somethings also happens, we have given them some notification of a the problem</p>
<p>THese kinds of actions, the abuse of school power, are seldom one time events, and very likely the teacher has crossed the line before, so it is important to at least report, so if the teacher doess cross that line or has, the school has some awareness.</p>
<p>I did not contact the school yet as I wanted to hear my Ds explanation of what happened after she had calmed down, and I wanted to see what the teacher did and said.</p>
<p>I am not charging into the school all wild eyed, I am putting pen to paper with a clear and consice description of what happend, and sending to the GC.</p>
<p>And then we shall see how it goes in class with D…if teacher in any way “punishes” D in class, then I will move forward.</p>
<p>I will, however, after the year is over, go up the chain with my concerns, because I do not want this to happen to anyone else</p>
<p>And I know its not the most horrid of things, but this teacher grades her papers, etc., and if you can’t trust them to be rational…well, we just to be proactive to a certain degree</p>
<p>You don’t talk to the teacher-- you talk to the administratrion and let the administration decide how to best handle it. the teacher has to answer to them. Les chance of “retaliation” if they know someoneis keeping an eye on them.</p>
<p>
Maybe yes, maybe no. Don’t make assumptions and/or jump to conclusions. And again, GC has no authority. Administration does. Deal with authority first, then GC for support if necessary. JMO</p>
<p>Can only add two thoughts to what’s already said above:</p>
<p>1.When you write or discuss this matter, try to pin down exactly what D meant by “the teacher yelled at me.” I’ve witnessed as a teacher that kids invoke the word “yell” at the drop of a hat, including to indicate everything from a frown, a calmly stated reprimand, necessary voice volume in a crowd, and on up to banshee-wild yelling/anger/roadrage. It’s a catchall phrase.</p>
<p>So try to get your D to pin it down a bit; did the teacher raise her voice, shake a finger, repeat herself louder and louder, what?</p>
<ol>
<li> In our previous community, I witnessed poorly trained school adults in settings outside their schools abuse their power on kids they know. We had a particular problem with a hall monitor (teachers’ aide, not teacher) who’d attend synagogue services and, seeing the same kids running down that stairwell, bellow at them just as she did at their middle school. Boundary problems. After bellowing, she leered, proudly, and told the astonished adults “I know these kids!” I pulled her aside to say, “So do I, but here you’re not allowed to yell like that. This isn’t the middle school.”</li>
</ol>
<p>Good luck helping your D handle this one, and backing her up appropriately.</p>
<p>Flowers was a really nice touch, I thought, on such a bad day.</p>
<p>Very good points p3t.
Funny, I was thinking the same thing late last night-- how the description of the event might be presented by each side. I have to wonder how the teacher thinks he/she came across. It could be a learning opportunity for all.</p>
<p>When my brother was younger, he complained vociferously to my mother about his terrible,awful mean French techer. He described her as a scary hag. My mom went in to one of those "meet the teacher"things, and the french teacher turned out to be thous gorgeous , statuesque blonde. My mom was expecting a witch with a broomstick and a wart on her nose!!! Ahhh yes… perception has a lot to do with it.</p>
<p>Hang in there. I love how you handled it. You and your daughter both thought the teacher was behaving improperly, and when you got the facts you were right and already had the game plan Good for your daughter for handling it so maturely, and not buckling under to the teacher’s idle threat. The point is not whether or not your daughter did anything wrong while driving; that would be a police matter. The teacher can caution a student if they are concerned (like the previous poster example), but she is wrong that it is a school matter and she can do anything to your daughter at school. That is boundary problem that is very concerning. I agree with documenting this and letting the teacher’s superiors know that she crossed the line so they are alerted to this.</p>
<p>I would suggest that your D go to the dean; after all, if the teacher could “take her to the dean”, she can do the same thing. Have your d explain exactly what happened - she was there and she knows. You would simply be repeating what you were told, and could not answer further questions that your d could. </p>
<p>I would also avoid the “yelling” characterization. Stick to the facts: teacher followed d too closely following stop sign (if true); teacher followed daughter into parking lot; teacher told d to come during break; teacher seemed angry/upset to your d; relay contents of meeting, including threat to take it to the dean. Then everything is on the record, and any precipitous drop in your d’s grades (even a minor drop) would be cause for further investigation.</p>
<p>Agree with Chedva…definitely document in writing but in a very factual way what happened at each step of the way (including the threat of detention) and your concerns about how it was handled (not a school matter; consequences at school for something unrelated to school; abuse of power by teacher which could not have been done had it been any other driver, etc.). I would then go in with your daughter with the letter and mention it to an administrator such as the dean the teacher wanted to report your D to. You would try to come across that you just want to make them aware of the facts for the record, as well as your concerns, in case any repercussions down the line. The GC doesn’t have authority over the teacher, although it is good that he/she knows what’s up and is a support person your D can go to and will have the background.</p>
<p>I agree with soozievt on this, although I would add that you ask the dean to keep this confidential at this point, until your D is finished with her class.
I don’t believe , as one poster said, that people necessarily behave better if they know they are being “watched”. It can make some people angry, and behave worse, although less overt. It won’t be good for your daughter if the teacher feels she has been exposed. This teacher acted irrationally- don’t expect her to all of a sudden act reasonably.
Good luck with this, and I definitely agree that your support and involvement is warranted in this situation.</p>
<p>I do agree that staying calm is important, but I do want to reiterate that this should be reported to the dean. A guidance counselor is a peer to a teacher; the authority over a teacher will be with the dean/principal. Maybe the GC will forward the matter on to the dean, maybe not. It is up to the dean to investigate the teacher’s inappropriate behavior, while the counsilor would deal with your daughter’s response to the behavior.</p>
<p>I will report it,. but in a calm and concise manner.</p>
<p>Good! I agree that you should address this with the dean and ask him to keep it confidential until after this year is over. Who knows how this teacher will react?</p>
<p>I think you need to go now, because if the teacher does try to take vengeance on your daughter and then you deal with it, it could appear to be just sour grapes for a deserved grade, trying to dredge something up from the past., instead of a fair explanation.</p>