<p>I definitely don’t consider myself a helicopter parent. My oldest are 26 year old twins, and, yes, they do call me sometimes 4 times a day. One is married and often stops by after work to say hi; she also calls a lot. My son is working full time and comes here for dinner once per week (about 45 minutes away) and calls at least 2 times a day just to say hi. I typically don’t call them- they call me. The 20 year old is across country at school and doesn’t call as much. I usually let her call me as I know she is busy- I usually hear from her every other day or so. That’s OK - I like all the calls! I have too many friends whose children never call them!</p>
<p>What do you guys even talk about when you call that often? Since leaving home almost a decade ago I usually keep the call volume to about twice a week. We usually talk for half an hour to an hour or so, but any more frequently than that and I feel like there’s not much to say.</p>
<p>Wow. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that, but it’s not happening here for sure. I think my son called me about four times last semester. And once this semester, so far… when my cell phone was out of range. :(</p>
<p>My one child probably calls everyday. Sometimes multiple times of the day. Child 2 rarely calls. My H says he has not talked to my son once since he went back to school almost one month ago. I will occasionally text my son “are you alive?” child 3 still lives at home. I have been informed that once she moves out I should not expect a daily call. 3 different kids with different needs all with the same 2 parents.</p>
<p>D2 had some adjustment issues. I let her call me or text. I kept every contact brief, but positive. She needed us for some kind of courage to move forward. It’s been 14 days since school stared and her calls/txts are down to 2-3/week, only when there’s super news or absolutely nothing going on. D1 never had this problem- quite the reverse. Helicopter parenting exampe: the mom who took a job across the street from the coll and came for lunch 2x/week.</p>
<p>when I went away to school, I called my mom fairly often, but then I got busy and didn’t call her for over two weeks. The nest time I called, she aksed me why I hadn’t called in so long. i told her i was really busy. I will never forget that she told me, “you are never too busy to cal your mother.” I did really well, calling her just about everyday for the next thirty-plus year until she died this year. I don’t regret any of those calls, but I do regret the two and a half weeks I didn’t call her in 1978.</p>
<p>glido - that was beautiful! I am sure your mom forgave you for the 2.5 weeks! I am sorry for your loss - my mom died almost 2 years ago and I will always miss her terribly.</p>
<p>I call my mom every day. We chat about my day, the kids, the husband, what she is doing, what my dad is doing, what they have planned for the week. I’m glad that I do call her – she and Dad are married 53 years and they are in good health. But they won’t be here forever. My oldest son is in college, and he tries to call me every day, usually at my lunch time or right after my school day ends. There is nothing wrong with calling home.</p>
<p>Personally, I don’t see anything wrong with frequent or daily contact with your kids as long as:</p>
<p>a) It’s mutual,</p>
<p>b) The child isn’t using the parent to fix all their problems and/or the parent isn’t rushing in to fix the problems- asking for advice is one thing, asking the parent to fix the problem is totally different,</p>
<p>c) It’s not interfering with the child’s ability to develop an independent life outside the family and it doesn’t take the place of the child’s social circle.</p>
<p>I know lots of people who remain incredibly close their parents their entire lives and they seem to benefit from having that close relationship. There are numerous studies that suggest that people who have close family ties ( and other social networks) are healthier, happier and live a lot longer.</p>
<p>I know this sounds sexist, and there are plenty of exceptions, but calling 4x a day is a girl thing. Girl like to talk about a topic, while guys want to know the action. There are plenty of books that confirm this.</p>
<p>When I was in college in 1982 I called home (after 11pm of course when the rates changed) maybe once a week? I also sent and recieved letters from home.</p>
<p>Fast forward to now–my D calls from college almost daily. Just to say hi—and always while riding her bike to class or waiting outside the building for the class to start! I am allotted those time slots! And I love it! Just for a couple of minutes we chat–then she is back to her life.
Her ring on my cell phone is a dog barking…I love it when I am in the middle of my life…and that dog barks!</p>
<p>Me: “How was the wine tour?”
D1: “Oh Mommy, you are not going to believe what happened! I was just helping out this girl because she was off campus. I emailed everyone on what they were suppose to do. I planned everything down to having bagels on the bus(not good to do wine tasting with empty stomach), called every winery to let them know when we suppose to be there. The girl that was suppose to book the bus forgot to do it. All 50 of us were waiting by the house for 30 min before the girl realized that she was suppose to reserve a bus.”</p>
<p>We went on for a while about the whole fiasco. 10 mins later she started on another story…</p>
<p>D1:“Mommy, can you believe what my roommate asked me to do for her?”
Me:“What?”
D1:“I was on my way out to do my laundry, she asked me if I minded to do a load for her while I was there. She even gave me $2.50 for the washer and dryer. Do you think I should say something?”</p>
<p>She then went on about that for a while. We went on to talk about her new math problem set pal - an Asian math wiz whom D1 just discovered as a senior(D1 is half Asian, so she is only a half wiz). This could also lead to a discussion about a new dress she is going need for a formal, and how her boyfriend has been away for a week.</p>
<p>This conversation all happened while my parents and I were on a road trip. My mom said, “She sure had a lot to say. You guys probably don’t get to talk that much any more(since we are not in the same country now).” I said, “No, this happens almost everyday. Your granddaughter leads a very interesting life.”</p>
<p>I think it’s a girl thing. I usually do the listening and she does most of the talking.</p>
<p>We used to live 3.5 hours drive away from D1’s school, so it was expected she would come home for school breaks. We now live thousands of miles away, but she still comes “home” for all of her breaks - midterm, Thanksgiving, Winter…</p>
<p>oldfort…I have to smile at your post because one of my daughters is in another country now too (she is in France; we’re in US) and today she had a long Skype call/video with me and I heard all about her weekend in Asti, Italy at a wine testing festival and so your post caught my eye on that topic! And she shared about other topics too. And tonight my other D called to fill us in and also started a new job today and starts another new job tomorrow and promised to call tomorrow again to tell us about that one (cause that one is sort of a big deal). She also emailed (or I should say forwarded an email to us) today about something she got that was big. And come to think of it also emailed last night about a decision of whether or not to go to India in a few weeks. And come to think of it, she called me on Saturday too to get advice on a dilemma she had and it was of the nature she would not have told it to a friend. </p>
<p>I do think this is a bit of a gender thing and also every kid is different. My girls tend to call at least every two to three days generally speaking. But there are exceptions if there is something that came up to tell or ask advice about or whatever, where they may call in consecutive days or even a couple times in the same day. But typically we don’t talk more than once in a day on a regular basis and often it is more like every couple of days.</p>
<p>I expect that I will talk to my daughter nearly every day when she goes to college next year. She has gone away every summer since she was nine years old and we have talked pretty much daily. My son, on the other hand, calls when he needs something or has something important to say. When he first went away to college, we asked him to call us every Sunday. If we hadn’t had a plan for him to call, who knows when we would have heard from him! He is only an hour away now and spends the weekends with us because of his job, so he rarely calls during the week.</p>
<p>I talked to my mom nearly every day, sometimes several times a day. She died almost 14 years ago and I still miss those phone calls.</p>
And she shared about other topics too. And tonight my other D called to fill us in and also started a new job today and starts another new job tomorrow and promised to call tomorrow again to tell us about that one (cause that one is sort of a big deal). She also emailed (or I should say forwarded an email to us) today about something she got that was big. And come to think of it also emailed last night about a decision of whether or not to go to India in a few weeks. And come to think of it, she called me on Saturday too to get advice on a dilemma she had and it was of the nature she would not have told it to a friend. </p>