My sister and brother-in-law had the “financial talk” with my nephew a couple of weeks ago. They have a complicated situation because my brother-in-law lost his job, and they used all of their savings to stay in their home and school district (always thinking the next job would be “around the corner”). He finally got a new job, so his income for this year is good, but they are in a fair amount of debt and have no savings left. Thus, their financial aid will be non-existent, yet they can’t afford some of the colleges to which they were hoping to send their kids. My niece is currently at community college (which she is okay with, as she wants to be a nurse and they have some sort of pre-program there) and my nephew is in 11th grade.
My nephew is a very strong student who originally had hopes of attending a specific school that is just not going to be in their price range. So, they had this discussion with him.
After that, he suddenly stopped doing the level of work he has always done. For instance, he didn’t take advantage of extra credit assignments that were handed out (really unlike him) and is talking about dropping some of his APs next year. He told them that he doesn’t need to try as hard if he is just going to end up at Rutgers.
My nephew is a very bright, wonderful kid and my sister doesn’t know what to do. Does she just let him slack a bit? Does she try to motivate him in some way? (She has explained to him that perhaps the higher the grades, the more scholarship money, but I don’t know how much that matters at a public school. He does not want to go to an LAC, by the way. His dream school was on the large side, just very expensive.) What would you do?
Thanks.
Give him the summer to come around. If he’s a Junior, this would be a great summer for a part time job.
Let him get a look at life without a degree, under the guise of “How great, now you can start earning some real money for yourself.”
He’s allowed a short pity party, as he sees that something he always thought was possible is no longer going to happen.
Come fall, when his classmates start talking about the schools he’ll go to, perhaps he’ll come around.
Oh, and if I were his parents, I would spend a little time this summer coming up with a list of affordable options that look like a good fit for the “old” nephew. He doesn’t have to know anything about it. Perhaps even request some info from them.
Those glossy booklets have quite a bit of appeal when they start arriving.
They should tell him that the better he does in school, the more college choices he will have through merit scholarships.
Can they afford Rutgers without scholarships? If not, then he needs to aim for the scholarships - up to full ride for NJ residents, or full out of state tuition.
Your sister should point out the schools he can go to, and point out that if he continues to slack off those won’t be available either. It is tough to grow up at 16 or 17, but a lot of us had to do it. He must live in a state with some kind of flagship and probably several smaller state schools too. Pick one.
If he’s a good student he might want to look at schools that offer extensive merit scholarships. See pinned thread on FA forum. Perhaps one of those will appeal to him
Well my own college options were limited by family finances as were my siblings and several of my friends. On one hand I sympathize , because it is hard when you are a strong student and some of your friends get to do the dream school thing that you can not. OTOH, this is this child’s reality and he needs to make the best of his situation. If that means going to the state school or “gasp” a cc ( as I did) then he needs to make the best of it. That is life.
The OP mentions Rutgers, so the likely scenario is a NJ resident who wants to go anywhere but Rutgers or other NJ public.
"My nephew is a very strong student "
Did he take the PSAT and score at or above NJ’s NMSF cut off level, which will probably around 225? And has he taken the SAT yet?
What is his GPA so far?
A strong student who will probably qualify for National Merit status, can get free tuition scholarships at many U’s outside of NJ.
here is a partial list
http://nmfscholarships.yolasite.com/
'end up at Rutgers"
lol…since when does going to Rutgers mean some kind of pathetic situation???
BTW…even Rutgers may not be affordable. HOW much will the parents pay? If they can’t pay for HYPS after super aid, then likely they can’t pay for Rutgers either.
He should still apply to HYPS…it gives super aid.
NJ has the highest NMSF cut-off, I believe. 224 maybe?
What are his stats?
I would suggest that his parents figure out how much they CAN pay next year…and then strategize as to which schools will give him enough merit.
Then, once they figure out 4-6 schools that will FOR SURE give him HUGE MERIT, then they should visit.
What was his dream school? What is his major / career goal?
I am in the same situation, except that my child just graduated - she had high SAT/ACT scores and a “high honors” GPA (3.75 at a school that doesn’t award GPA’s over 4.0) at a very rigorous academically-oriented high school.She took multiple college courses (including 2 A’s in college-level chemistry) and calculus. Only one of the colleges she was interested in bothered to even give her as much as a glance even though her school has a long track record of graduates going to service academies, ivy league schools, etc. That school wanted 35% of our pre-tax income just for tuition, let alone room and board, which is financially impossible. They really only cared about the money.
She is now back at home looking for an entry-level job and feeling very discouraged. Quite frankly, I’m discouraged as well. She has worked very hard, for what I thought were good results, to no benefit at all as far as college admissions officers are concerned.
What a horrible system we have that so casually throws away decent students and hard workers. I am really at a loss for what, if anything, I can do for her.I’m discouraged, too when I see how little return there was for all of her hard work in high school. It is going to be very difficult to convince her to make future efforts in academic work at this point. Who can blame her. I don’t know what to say.
Assuming that he is a realistic candidate for the schools that truly meet need, have the parents run NPCs at some targets for him? I hope they are not just operating under the assumption that they would not get FA from those schools, without doing the research. With wiped out savings and significant debt, they may get some significant money even if their current income is $100K or more.
I understand that he is interested in a larger school, but he should seriously consider looking at some of the elite LACs also, because they have excellent FA.
I don’t know what they said to him, but sitting down and running the NPCs at a variety of places WITH him, and looking at scholarship/merit opportunities WITH him–making it a partnership–may be much more effective that simply telling him “expensive school A is out” and “we have to look for some place cheap.”
@Lostparent is your D a just-graduated senior? I’m just trying to figure out your letter a bit more…so she applied to colleges, got into them, but then found that the financial aid wasn’t strong enough. Is this correct? When you say she’s “back at home” does that mean that she attended a boarding high school?
Most people can’t afford to send their kids to any college they choose. Some good ideas above-I’ve personally pointed three kids to the list of schools with good merit aid with good results. And I agree that Rutgers is hardly a bad school (though I understand that a lot of in-state kids don’t want a High School 2.0 experience).
But honestly, I have little patience for kids who can’t/won’t see that the ability to go o ANY college isn’t a given, and that some kids DO cobble together community college AND work AND caring for family members and hope that they can turn that 2-year degree into a 4-year one. I know of two young ladies doing that right now. They’re not worrying about going to “only” a state school when they get that AA. Sheesh.
@lostparent did your DD just graduate from high school? what were her test scores? Where did she apply?
Does she still want to go to college? I wonder if there are still schools that would award her merit for a late application? What is her career goal?
McGill has many majors (really, it seems like most outside of engineering and business) that would only cost as much as in-state (as of now).
Also, doing well on the PSAT and SAT will open up full-tuition scholarship opportunities.
There are plenty of targets to aim for.
Not to mention that the most selective programs at RU don’t just take anyone. Some of them are actually pretty tough to get in to.
Thanks for the feedback. He missed the cutoff for NMS. His dream school was Duke. May or may not have gotten in, but the point is that most schools of that ilk wouldn’t give him merit money and they won’t qualify for need-based.
Not trying to start any arguments about the quality of Rutgers - it just wasn’t where he wanted to be.
They have run NPCs, and even at a school I suggested (American), it looked like he would get about $8000 in merit money, and no financial aid.
Duke actually does offer full ride merit scholarships to try for – but these would be super-super-reach for everyone.
I too think he needs a little time and will likely get back to normal.
There are other large universities that might interest him and would also be affordable once he realizes that the top 10-20 are not going to give him merit aid, so are off the table. State universities outside of New Jersey might be a possibility, such as University of Massachusetts at Lowell, or the University of South Florida. Their out-of-state fees are not much more than Rutgers in-state fees. I’d suggest that his mom start investigating other affordable options. It’s not just Rutgers or community college. There are choices if one is willing to explore with an open mind, given the economic limitations. Does he love the out-of-doors? How about the University of Wyoming? Out of state fees are just over $14,000. I don’t know what he can earn over the summers, but U of Texas in San Antonio lists its oos tuition and fees as 20,000.
Rutgers may be a “better” institution in rankings than many of them, but just showing him there are options might knock him out of his funk. He may look at all of them and decide on Rutgers in the end, or he may decide to go of to another state for the experience.
Suggest that the mom find a good guide book that lists college prices for in and out of state and start making lists.
There are schools below Duke’s tier who do offer full-tuition scholarships that are reachable. Why not try for the full-tuition scholarships at Emory/Wake/Richmond/UMiami/Tulane?
He needs to understand that RU isn’t the only option but he’ll still need good grades/score/etc. to have a chance at those.