<p>So my DS was fired for the first time today. First out of college job. He had been there a month. It came as a surprise to him. He just called me and now has a drive home. Any wisdom out there on what to say?</p>
<p>Was he laid off or let go for cause?</p>
<p>"Any wisdom out there on what to say? "</p>
<p>How about “love you!” if it seems appropriate?</p>
<p>Don’t say much…listen. Be supportive of what he wants to do next. He’ll need your love and support.</p>
<p>NBC Nightly News tonight mentioned that the 20-24 demographic has 15% unemployment which is 150% more than any other segment of the population. I’m sorry for your son.</p>
<p>thumper, thanks. That is the approach I am taking so far…I would say for cause, the words used were “this isn’t a good fit.” Hired full time to replace a part timer with the thought that they were going to let another part timer go but then that did not happen…</p>
<p>If he was “laid off” don’t use the term “fired” with him because of the different connotations. If he was laid off you can discuss with him how this isn’t unusual, is an unfortunate business decision companies must sometimes make, and doesn’t reflect on his capabilities or performance. You can also discuss how he can now assess his next steps with his recent work experience to help guide him - he might want to focus in a different area or a slightly different job function. A lot of people I know ended up doing better after being laid off because it forced them to seek new opportunities.</p>
<p>Reinforce that the layoff was impersonal.</p>
<p>Be as upbeat as you can.</p>
<p>Get him some ice cream.</p>
<p>I wish him good luck.</p>
<p>Tomorrow, the day after, or sometime next week, or whenever seems appropriate you can offer constructive insights regarding what went wrong - if he takes the lead and seems to be seeking advice. For now he needs a hug, his favorite dinner and some TLC. He can analyze and strategize later.</p>
<p>S1 was let go after less than 6 months on his first full time permanent job. Manager who hired him left and the replacement had a different idea in mind for the job that did not match S1’s skills at all. Bad fit. It was hard and all we could do was provide room and board and support while he looked for replacement. It was a tough time.</p>
<p>Sorry, I wasn’t prying, it’s just that laid off implies business issues that are mostly beyond your S’s control, and ‘for cause’ could be a myriad of issues.</p>
<p>Initially, I would just welcome him home and offer him a chance to vent. At some point, offer to go over with him the situation and what the issues may have been. This could be anything from differing skill set expectations to personality issues. Encourage him to work though it so he can learn from it.</p>
<p>We recently had a somewhat similar situation where S wasn’t rehired for a job he pretty thought (and was led to believe) was his. The circumstances and the degree to which he identified with the place made it heartbreaking. Part of the hardest thing for me was just having no idea what to say to him or what to suggest, and having no idea how he could make it into something that wasn’t so negative. </p>
<p>In sum, I never found any answer, or any lesson, or anything that would make that experience better. But after the initial shock, he just moved on, as he had to. Turns out after a bunch of jobless suffering he found a couple of things that turned out to be really fine opportunities, and he could actually say he was happy about how everything worked out. </p>
<p>So I guess what I learned is that when you can’t make anything good of a situation, you just have to try not to dwell (after the initial ice cream and/or vodka tearfest) and move away and move on.</p>
<p>This is the second kid I heard about losing their first out of college job this week. It is so upsetting when they worked so hard to secure a job and they get this news. After you give him hugs, and assurance that everyone goes through these times, just let him talk. The job must have been a poor fit and he was probably not feeling all that good going to work everyday. It must be pretty crappy knowing that you have a job that just isn’t really working out. I hope things are looking better in a few days and he is ready to start the job hunt again. hugs to you and son too.</p>
<p>After the initial smarting is over, this looks like a good book to check out:</p>
<p>*We Got Fired!: . . . And It’s the Best Thing That Ever Happened to Us *</p>
<p><a href=“http://www.amazon.com/We-Got-Fired-Thing-Happened/dp/0345471865[/url]”>http://www.amazon.com/We-Got-Fired-Thing-Happened/dp/0345471865</a>
</p>
<p>This happened to my son, with first job. Offered support, understanding, then, after appropriate time, discussed what he would really want to do. It took a few months, but worked out. What is so hard for a young person is they have no comparison and no history of what it is like to work in a place they enjoy and where they are appreciated.</p>
<p>Make sure he has made some arrangement for health insurance.</p>
<p>Marian, yes…looking into that. I think we can put him back on our plan under the Obama stuff…thanks to everyone who posted. I’m just concerned about the future and my own career future is in a bit of a changeup right now. Change is always hard but usually good…</p>
<p>Show him this from steve jobs.
on YouTube.</p>
<p>One of the three stories is about he being fired by Apple, the company he founded, and his return.</p>
<p>Your DS is so lucky to have your shoulder to hang on, I got fired several times and my parents were half a globe away. I was alone.</p>
<p>Be sure to avoid the “fired” word, even among friends. The “not a good fit” words are useful to him. He should find out how he and the place were not a fit- specifics. This can be used for his future job searches and/or making changes to get and keep a future job. He may also be able to get a good reference from the boss that details his positive points that could be more useful to someone else. Perhaps what made him a poor fit could be an asset somewhere else. Sitting down with his former boss and having a frank discussion would likely help him to know his strengths as well as weaknesses- they did hire him after all.</p>
<p>Disclaimer- no expert on the subject but maybe these thoughts will help. Good luck to him.</p>
<p>It may be too late now, but a heart to heart talk with his manager in which his deficiencies or lack of fit would be fully discussed–what can I do better in my next job, etc.-- could be of great benefit to your kid. I suspect the boss is feeling pretty bad about the situation and wouldn’t be averse to offering some advice. It’s an unfortunate communications failure when an employee who thinks everything is great is suddenly let go. Your son needs and deserves to know exactly where things went wrong.</p>
<p>Tell your kid that lots of people have been let go from jobs prior to becoming very successful in their careers. Encourage him to learn everything he can from this experience and then to apply what he learns to his job search and next job.</p>
<p>And tell him you love him and are proud to have him as your son always.</p>