<p>Since the coach has included parents in the e-mail, I think that the parent should contact the GC. Sometimes it has more validity, allows for stronger discussion, and perhaps even ask the GC or vice-principal casually if you should be seeking legal advice.</p>
<p>Just cut and paste the e-mail binx composed. It is the perfect tone. </p>
<p>Regardless of your whether your son deserved to be kicked out, you just want to control how the GC presents him to colleges. If your GC assures you it’s not a big deal, great.</p>
<p>
My thoughts EXACTLY. This is how I handled one unnecessary and gratuitously ugly event during my son’s senior year, and lo and behold, it was settled within the hour! :rolleyes:</p>
<p>I like Binx’s recommendation and wording. I would cut and paste the text from that post exactly as written, it’s perfect. </p>
<p>BTW, the coach sounds like a good person to be well rid of.</p>
<p>Dear Debate Coach,</p>
<p>High school is filled with many lessons about responsibility, acheivement and expectations. Sometimes situations occur which we did not expect and wish hadn’t happened, but every lesson, every mistake is an opportunity for learning. </p>
<p>I regret that I will not be able to participate in debate for in this, my final year at Whatever High School, but hope to learn from this experience as well. </p>
<p>I wish the debate team well.</p>
<p>Yours Truly, </p>
<p>Student Taking the High Road and CC’ing the GC and Principal</p>
<p>But the question/problem that I see is, should the student notify colleges of the change in his EC? ie, no longer on the debate team. The risk is that the vindictive coach somehow passes this info along to colleges and the student appears dishonest by not mentioning it, or including debate team as an ec when he is in fact no longer on the team. (per last paragraph of OP, that is dufusmom’s concern also. I do not think you are being paranoid; Your concern is justified)</p>
<p>anitaw, I’d have to hear more about the situation, actually read the coach’s e-mail, and know if other kids who came unprepared only twice in 3 1/2 years were booted off the team before having my kid send this letter. He might very well have deserved the boot, but I wouldn’t recommend admitting to irresponsibility and failure to meet expectations in writing unless that was clearly the case. This could just be a case of clashing personalities, for all we know.</p>
<p>I think binx’ e-mail takes the high road by stating the family is letting it go, not pushing for anything at all. Just an assurance that the kid’s college chances aren’t jeopardized.</p>
<p>anitaw - I think it is an excellent idea for the student to make some sort of independent communication with the teacher and school. That, in and of itself, will nullify any accusations of irresponsibility that the teacher might be tempted to make.</p>
<p>As a parent, I would also follow up with the GC and make VERY CLEAR my expectations regarding the information that will appear on my child’s midterm report. I would also be very diplomatic and make sure the GC is aware of all facts. Chances are the GC recommendation is already written and wouldn’t be tainted; but the school should be on notice that any nonsense out of this teacher or attempts to sabatoge the college application process will not be tolerated by you.</p>
<p>The other thing about Binx’s email is that in the most elegant, classy way possible, it sends to the coach the message that he’s completely irrelevant, a non-issue, to the young man’s future success. Not worth fighting over. LOL.</p>
<p>Of course, the coach will be far too dense to “get it”, but, it’s still fun…</p>
<p>No-one has ever been removed from the team before, that I am aware of. However, there have been some pretty irresponsible behaviors from other team-members, that have gone unpunished. I actually learned of a very interesting situation this morning where a pair of students, who happen to be his “pets” did something pretty serious, and got yelled at, that’s all. Unfortunately my kid is the last one to suck up to anyone, which is what works with this coach.</p>
<p>I do like the tone of binx’s email. Also adding for the record the number of trophies that my kid has won. And the fact that the coach has never contacted us before with a complaint, nor documented a warning to my kid before.</p>
<p>Can I point out a different aspect of the situation? That is - the coach will continue on after your son has graduated. Others may be affected the same way as your son - and that would be wrong. Feedback and review of a person’s performance of their job is not inappropriate, and if the things you have stated are true, I would think that you would be doing the school and future students a service by advising the school’s administrators of those facts. Unchecked misbehavior (I’m talking about the coach here) will continue unchecked, and may even increase. I’m not suggesting mounting a campaign to get the coach fired or anything, merely a factual and accurate report of his conduct as your son has experienced it. Understatement is best.</p>
<p>By the way, all applications, rec. letters, etc. were completed in November, and 3 acceptances are already in. The G.C. could very well decide that it was unimportant to mention this in the midterm report; or on the other hand feel an obligation to mention it.
As I see it, only the most egregious behaviors should get reported, things that involve suspensions, indictments etc.</p>
<p>A high road letter does not imply that the student has been the one making the mistake. Many of life’s best lessons are learned from the mistakes of others.</p>
<p>^^Well said, anitaw!</p>
<p>I also agree with binx’s wording and second advice to avoid coach bashing. Your simple task as a parent in contacting the GC or vice principal is to ask for assurance that the dismissal from debate will not escalate into something so negative it jeopardizes his college choices. </p>
<p>I also do agree with Kluge that you can take some subtle steps to maybe prevent this from happening to another kid. No need to attack the coach personally, but contact the administration and simply ask about school policy regarding dismissal from activities. Is there one? Should there be? Since this came up at our school, I think the administration did draw something up and distributed it to all the directors of EC activities so they would have some guidelines. There ought to be a policy that makes it fair for all students, whether they are athletes, band members, debate team or some other club to know where they stand regarding fulfilling responsibilities and what the consequences are in advance. Teachers have tenure; why shouldn’t students have some sort of due process for these important ECs? What I’m saying is don’t be afraid to “fight the good fight” against such arbitrary dismissal because it might help another kid down the road. Good luck.</p>
<p>"Coach hates kid because kid is talented and wins without working hard. Coach has always singled out kid with snide remarks . Coach has had a few talks with kid regarding showing team spirit (?) and handing in paperwork on time. Mind you, this is unimportant paperwork, irrelevant to tournaments. Kid has never missed tournaments or meetings ever. "</p>
<p>Let me take this a different direction. Are you sure the coach hates your child or maybe just realizes that your child is headed for a disaster in adulthood. There are alot of lazy smart people out in the world today, in deadend situations because they didn’t learn to apply themselves. Maybe you can’t see it because the child is yours, but you sure are hinting that you are aware (“kid regarding showing team spirit (?) and handing in paperwork on time.” ) something’s missing.</p>
<p>My kid, “gifted” or whatever the hot term is, was able to skate for a while because he tested so high. Several elementary teachers fawned over him, “he’s so bright” yada yada. Personally, I felt alot of his work was sloppy, but compared to his peers still very good. This continued till 6th grade where he met a certain teacher who never for the first half of the year got off his ass. She made sure he did work up to his ability, even if it left him in tears. By the end of the year, he was and continued to do work to his best ability. He thanked her at commencement and so did we.</p>
<p>Maybe you should rethink the situation and either walk away and don’t look back or have your son talk to this teacher. I think there is another side to this story. I also think you need to understand everyone who’s mean to your kid, doesn’t necessarily dislike him or qualify immediately as the ememy. Maybe that person sees a standard your son should be at, rather than what you’re settling for. </p>
<p>I am truly sorry for sounding harsh, but I have seen alot of “gifted” kids never really learn to work a bit harder. Sure they may be the smartest person in the room at that time, but it’s a big world.</p>
<p>Opie, you may be right, but it’s hard to say without seeing everything that led up to this incident, or knowing the history of this coach and kid independent of one another. Dufusmom said her son was not entirely enthused because of “involvement in other activities.” Don’t know how clear either the coach or the kid communicated the need for commitment or the need/availability for flexibility if conflicts occurred.</p>
<p>Debate is one of those ECs that parents sometimes push their kids into because it looks good for college. Could that have happened here? </p>
<p>Your points are good to consider for the kid’s future, but I think the issue at hand is to protect his college options. If he really is a slacker, parents can remind him often how his attitude almost sabotaged all the good he had accomplished. I’d still send the brinx e-mail</p>
<p>
Don’t know where that’s coming from. I did not say the coach was ‘mean’; that is infantile language I did not use. Plus to say that the coach sees my kid is headed for a disaster in adulthood. Wow! Nevermind. I’m sure you meant well. It’s just odd to say stuff like that. </p>
<p>As far as commitment goes, like I said, the kid never missed a tournament, and brought home many trophies. There are plenty of kids on the team showing ‘team spirit’ aka fawning on the coach, who miss meetings, and have not won a single trophy in 3 years. So if the kid who came unprepared but still won first place is thrown out, what about the kids who “appear” to be prepared, with sheafs of internet printed material, that obviously did not do any good at tournaments.</p>
<p>My kid is not some incredibly gifted person, no genius, just an average happy kid, who participates in athletics, scouting, etc. If he was a slacker, this would have happened a long time ago. There is something with the timing of this. Like, I’m going to teach the entire team a lesson by using this student who has 3 months left on the team.</p>
<p>I am a tough parent. Never coddled any of my kids. My kids actually compliment me on my tough act, and compare me with their friends parents who pander to them . just saying.</p>
<p>dufusmom, you’re new here. Nobody is attacking you or your kid. Opie was playing nice.</p>
<p>Oh, I know it was not an attack =) All I said is that some of the stuff was kind of odd. I totally appreciate ALL the input. It’s always food for thought.</p>