<p>emeraldkity4: I think what you’re advocating (maybe not vocally but through your beliefs and actions) is called f—ing. sex is something that should be shared with someone you love. F—ing is what you do when you’re horny and need a good f—. I think it’s a bit irresponsible to advocate this.</p>
<p>What??
Sex doesn’t mean you have to love the person. That’s your own definition perhaps, but sexual intercourse, which is what sex is short for does not imply love. “Making love” perhaps, but sex is just the generic term for the activity.</p>
<p>I am going to defend Emeraldkity4- advocating? i don’t her advocating sex…I see her being a realist and advocating responsibility, knowledge, and having information. And teen agers are frisky, its the nature of the beast, and some teens, omgosh, will have sex, no matter what their parents have encouraged, what their church has taught, what their friends even tell them, so it is better for them to have information.</p>
<p>We are honest parents who talk about tough issues…if we told our kids, yeah, no one has sex before marriage, they would just laugh…its like reefer madness (the movie), that was pretty effective</p>
<p>Sex happens with teens…we as parents of course want it to be under the most ideal circumstance when they are older, mature, and can handle it (whether that be marriage or college), but we are not blind to what humans do</p>
<p>For instance, we know kids are going to drink- I told my D, i of course would prefer she waited until she was older to partake of the wine, but I have also told her that I understand that if she does drink, which by 18 I am pretty sure she will have had a beer or two, that she is careful, doens’t get loaded, is with GOOD friends, doesn’t get in a car with someone who was drinking, to call me if she is in a situation she needs to get out of, and if she is drunk, I will be really mad, but I will get her right away, wherever, whenever. Of course, I don’t want her drinking, and drinking to the degree of getting drunk, but being a parent, my job is to discuss this openly. Does that me an advocate for drinking for teenagers.? No. It makes me a realist who knows that stuff happens in life and sometimes peoples good intentions, good upbringing, good parenting can get thrown out a window in a moment.</p>
<p>yes that’s what it’s short for but that doesn’t take away from the fact that it’s something that should be shared between a married couple - at least morally. People are free to make their own decisions and I’m not judging anyone who does stuff that I don’t believe in or I find to be immoral. I just think it’s a bit irresponsible to promote sexual promescuity…I wouldn’t want my kids (that is when I have some) to learn that it’s ok to go around f—ing anything that moves and that if they get pregnant, because they were just experimenting/expanding their horizons/etc, that it’s ok to not face your problems and just go take the easy way out and get an abortion. I think that’s completely irresponsible.</p>
<p>It’s fine to be a realist and it’s a good idea to inform your kids and teach them to be responsible. I think, however, that it’s not ok to advocate promescuity, which in essence is what some people do through their beliefs and/or actions.</p>
<p>I don’t really care if my kids ever have sex as long as they’re smart about it. I don’t want dumbass kids.</p>
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Morals are subjective, personal beliefs, in my opinion. In one culture, people may believe that sex is only for marriage, in another, experimentation may be encouraged. I don’t think it is a moral fact that sex should be meant for two people in marriage; that is your belief and that’s perfectly fine, but I just don’t think it’s a fact. </p>
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That is what the parents here are trying to prevent. They want their kids to be safe above all. </p>
<p>I don’t know where you are getting this “promoting promiscuity” stuff from. I don’t think any of the parents here said that they wanted their kids to “f-ck anything that moves.” That is not only belittling the parents but it is also underestimating teens. Teenagers aren’t horny animals that just go around f-cking everything; at least, I’m not and the majority of teens aren’t. I don’t see what’s wrong with a teen who is responsible about having sex and takes care to do it safely.</p>
<p>bern700 - this is a parents’ forum. Kids are welcome, but it is primarily for parents to discuss issues with each other. Kids who contribute need to recognize that they are visitors and proceed respectfully, just as parents should do if they post on the kids’ forums. </p>
<p>This thread has nothing to do with whether sex is “good” or “bad” under XYZ circumstances. It has everything to do with dealing with the realities we have faced as adults, and which our kids are going to face as they navigate into adulthood. If you are not personally experienced in those realities, then you are only speaking of your own values and opinions, which are not the topic here.</p>
<p>zantedeschia: point taken, morals are subjective and as I said I’m not judging anyone who doesn’t believe in what I do. </p>
<p>Regarding the promiscuity issue I brought up: </p>
<p>“I don’t think sex needs to be confined to a long term committed relationship…I have had sexual relationships ( as an adult ) with men that I would never marry, indeed some that I had little in common with save a very powerful mutual attraction.”</p>
<p>Do you think that a kid knowing that his/her mom believes this is going to think of sex as anything more than just a raw act that you do when you’re just mutually attracted to someone…thus, I believe this promotes promiscuity. Just my opinion…</p>
<p>texas137: First of all, no where does it say that this is just a parent’s forum with kids being visitors. Secondly, if you don’t like what I’m saying then skip my posts…</p>
<p>No where an I directly attacking anyone nor am I being disrespectful. I’m just stating my interpretation of something I read ( I may be straight forward and blunt)…if you found it disrespectful that is your opinion, I don’t mean to offend anyone I’m just being direct and straight forward - I read something that I thought was irresponsible and I thought I’d give the opposite opinion, no bs.</p>
<p>There can be not much more than a fine line between the people you marry and the people you can have a very deep, meaningful relationship. Marriage requires similar goals, similar ideas on who raises the kids, if there are kids, how to handle finances - honestly, there is a reason why arranged marriages work. Love? Deep passion for another person who challenges you and makes you better? Very different - or could be almost the same except he wants kids and you don’t - but there is a reason why thousands of years of marriage had little to do with love.</p>
<p>Bern - you are what, 17 years old? It is great that you think sex should never occur outside serious relationships. If you decide to save yourself for marriage, bully for you. But come back when you are 25 and tell us what you have actually observed about the sexual behavior of young people.</p>
<p>If you think that your initial post was respectful and appropriately worded, then let me ask you this - if your mother were on this forum, would she be happy to know you wrote that?</p>
<p>If she weren’t dead, she would be extremely proud that I responded in that way because if she saw the post I was referring to she would be sick to her stomach. </p>
<p>I know that young people have sex (probably the majority), i’m not blind nor am I naive, and I respect people’s decisions. Some people have different beliefs than I do and I have no problem with that, my best friend goes around and hooks up with a different girl every weekend, I don’t look down on him nor do I attack him because he doesnt believe what I do. I was just voicing my opinion and I stated that I thought something was irresponsible. I’m so sorry. </p>
<p>If you want to be condescending regarding my age I have no problem with that…I am only 20 years old.</p>
<p>alright I’m done posting here texas…this is pointless. If you can’t respect my opinion then fine. Oh well I have to go prepare an analysis for my presentation with the board of directors and the corporate staff of one of the largest semiconductor company in the world…I wonder if they are going to be condescending when I tell them that as a company we need to bump 3 of our category 1 customers down and bring up 3 other customers?</p>
<p>I have had sexual relationships ( as an adult ) with men that I would never marry, indeed some that I had little in common with save a very powerful mutual attraction. even though those relationships were relatively short lived- I learned much about myself in them- and they were as special to me, in their way as relationships that were much more spiritual and emotional.</p>
<p>THis is what I said and what I assume Bern is commenting on
While the relationships I was referring to were short and intense- I didn’t describe them as “shagging” nor did I think about them in that way.However they were physical relationships that I did not intend for them to be permanent and did not approach them as such. I wasn’t just pulling up my skirts behind the barn as you seem to be implying- I also wouldn’t advocate that for anyone but horses. </p>
<p>When I said “relatively short lived” I realize that I as a 47 year old may have a different idea than a 17 year old of what short lived means.</p>
<p>To me short lived means a few months-or in the case of one of my best friends who I loved very much but wasn’t sure I was physically attracted to him- the physical part lasted a week ( the physical part didn’t work out)</p>
<p>In one case for example I was attracted to a man who was very different than I was - he had a great sense of humor- was very attractive and a great dancer- however he was also very conservative in his views on women and in politics- we “dated” for a few months, but ultimately our physical attraction didn’t outweigh our differences- still we remained friends long enough that he came to my wedding.
Neither of us was involved with anyone else, we were both adults and respected each other- and I learned that Republicians are people too! ;)</p>
<p>Im not advocating anyone do anything they are uncomfortable with- but I also wouldn’t be appalled if my older daughter had sex at college- if it was with someone she cared about- even if she didn’t intend to spend the rest of her life with that person.
Personally- and I think it is more personality than gender, but I couldnt imagine being close with someone I didn’t care a great deal about no matter how high my hormones were raging- there are other ways to deal with that after all.</p>
<p>I also want to add- that accepting that not all relationships are headed for marriage is much prefered to expecting more than what it is or marrying off teenagers
When couples dont want to admit to wanting a sexual relationship- they don’t plan for it or behave responsibly- that way they can say that " they were overcome". Some girls who are raised to beleive that you only have sex with the man you marry, may then feel that they have to marry the man they had sex with.
Women don’t have to rely on a man for financial protection or status anymore- at least in this country- I don’t want any girl to feel like she “has” to marry a boy just because they have been physically intimate.
It often doesn’t end up happily.</p>
<p><a href=“http://www.aecf.org/kidscount/teen/overview/overview.htm[/url]”>http://www.aecf.org/kidscount/teen/overview/overview.htm</a></p>
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<p>All births started out as a pregnancy, or something like that.</p>
<p>emeraldkity - I think casual sex, like smoking marijuana, is one of those things that baby boomers did in the 70’s that none of us would recommend wholesale to our own kids, but which we do not particularly regret either.</p>
<p>Thanks for the link to the Annie Casey organization. That is one that I was not previously familiar with which is making important points.</p>
<p>Well for instance my own inlaws got married when they got pregnant- they are still married but not suited for each other- and it was because that my mother in law was pregnant ( in the 1950s) that my FIL had to work instead of attending college.
I expect that if they had used contraception their lives would have been very different- but in those days you didn’t carry condoms because that would be expecting your girlfriend to have sex with you and “nice” girls didn’t</p>
<p>At least I had contraception and I used it ;)</p>
<p>I said this before, but isn’t it amazing how many kids in the 50s were “premature” but at full weight…arriving at 7 or 8 months after the wedding</p>
<p>Emeraldkty4, thank you for being so honest…</p>