<p>Sorry, I’m one adult that does not think it’s okay for my kids to have sex until they are adults. There is more to intercourse then the act and I don’t think there are alot of kids under 18 that can handle the emotional aspects of it. If you are not old enough to deal with the consequences, then you shouldn’t do the action. There is no birth control that is 100% effective except for abstinance. I realize that teens will always have sex, but to treat it so lightly and just think of the birth control seems immoral to me - a 48 year old adult. </p>
<p>If they’re 18 they’re probably there as a counselor and yes, what they do is up to them but I do think a committed long term relationship is what’s right.</p>
<p>And, hey, I’m also against under age drinking. You drink under the age of 21, there will be consequences in this house. call me dr phil.</p>
<p>We all have our perfect scenarios for our children, but there is what will happen beyond what we hope will happen</p>
<p>To some young adults/older teens their relationships can be very intense and it can feel like :this is the one: this is the love of my life: this is the one I want to be with, and one month can seem like a long term relationship</p>
<p>To some, they just want to do it, and to some, if it isn’t intercourse its not sex</p>
<p>No one wants their kids hurt- physically or emotionally- </p>
<p>And we are not treating it lightly, talking is actually being very serious about it</p>
<p>If you read my post earlier, I am also not happy with underage drinking…and my Ds know there will be consequences, but we have to have open discussions and a plan IN CASE they slip and make a big mistake, I would rather they call me and say Mom i messed up than be too afraid to call at all</p>
<p>kathie
I didnt say I was “for” underage drinking- sexual behavior or what have you I don’t think there is any post that I have written that could give that impression in context.</p>
<p>what I did say was that for parents to have it as a topic of discussion was not going to put the idea into a teenagers head- it is already there
I feel that my teens by the time they are almost out of adult hood have learned how to make decisions for themselves
They are in control of their bodies and minds ( to the extent anyone is) and I trust them to make the right decisions for them- whether it be choosing what to have for dinner or whether to get in the car with someone who shouldn’t be driving.
I help them stay out of situations that I feel they are not ready for-
my oldest daughter did not drink at all until shortly before graduation.
She told me about it afterwards and we had a long talk.( she was out of town we talked when she came back)
I have not had admittedly such frank conversations about her sex life.
She is gay- and although I didn’t know this for sure until she was a junior in high school, like many girls she had overnights, and with some girls who I beleive were also bisexual or lesbian, so who knows?
I have had conversations with her about physical and emotional relationships while she was growing up, but I couldnt’ seperate out which ones were with “more” than friends.
I agree that often sex is about a lot more than the physical relationship- however- to be shocked and surprised that an older teen has had a sexual experience even at camp is to be naive.
I think it is fine to insist that your kids don’t do any of those things ( drinking, sex etc) until they are no longer under your roof & or adults.
However, I am wondering that unless you are going to have them on a leash 24/7 you aren’t going to be able to control their actions, are you going to be sure that they have accurate information about how to take care of their bodies or are you just going to hope that they don’t do anything you don’t want them to?
Personally I want to be sure that my kids have the same information I have when I make my decisions, if I am going to tell them not to drink- I am going to discuss with them why research shows that it affects developing brains more than adults as well as how it impairs decision making etc
I am not just going to pass on an edict about they shouldn’t because I said so
If I am going to tell them not to have sex- I will talk to them about how it can make you feel more than what is there, about the risks of pregnancy and disease as well as the risk of having the other person want a lot more than you are ready to give them. However I will also discuss with them if they decide to go ahead anyway, that they know safe ways to do it.
Same with drinking- they have cell phones and if they are at a place that isn’t safe they can call at any time, whether or not they have been drinking.
They aren’t afraid that they are going to be grounded for life, and so may take chances that might endanger their life
So far I haven’t had to get either one, but we try and treat each other with respect- my oldest is 23 and definitely an adult and my youngest is 15 and coming into her own. So far our way has worked pretty well.
You are welcome to raise your kids however you see fit, but I dare anyone to find anything wrong with either of my daughters</p>
<p>how many 10 year olds do you know that are menstruating vtboy?
I started my period at 14 the same age that both of my daughters began.
Usually you both have to be menstruating and having intercourse to become pregnant
How many 10 year olds does that apply to? Thats what? In elementary school?Boys are generally still at the cootie stage for a long time after you turn 10</p>
<p>I personally don’t think things have changed much since I was in high school, except that it seems that my daughter had access to better information than I did. Her high school distributes condoms along with providing instructions on how to use them. In her early teens, she started watching the program “Talk Sex with Sue Johanson” which is broadcast on a regular cable station where we live; I have to say that watching with her provided me with a lot of “teachable moments” and helped open up discussion of topics that otherwise would have been very uncomfortable. </p>
<p>So it’s fine to have your own views and to try to instill them in your kid - but it is sticking your head in the sand if you don’t recognize that even if your own child isn’t having sex as a teen – half of her friends probably are. I think that virtually all of my daughter’s peers are sexually active by the time they are high school seniors – if they aren’t, it’s often more a result of lack of opportunity than moral objections. If my daughter wasn’t comfortable discussing sex with me, then she’d get the information she wanted from her peers. </p>
<p>I happen to think that I can do better in the guidance department than a fellow high-schooler. For one thing, it’s not the “sex” part that my daughter really needed parental help with - it’s the “relationship” part. There are a lot of things that happen between kissing and intercourse, and I don’t think that kids really get much guidance about what sort of preliminary sex play is or is not appropriate under what circumstances. All a parent can do is give their opinions and hope that the kids agree. </p>
<p>So of course you are entitled to your opinions about sex before adulthood - but the laws in your state set the age of consent at 16, so that’s one area (unlike drinking) where you will have to differentiate your own views from those imposed by law when talking to your kids.</p>
<p>emerald I know of a few girls who started menstrating at around 10-12 years of age. I also remember seeing on one of the those talk shows about little girls around 12-13 trying to have sex with every guy because they wanted to get prego.</p>
<p>Calmom, reading your post reminds me of the ridiculous anti-fornication laws in 12 states. Yes, in 21st century America, and applicable to adults, and even married people.
The Virginia slogan “Virginia is for lovers” is the biggest joke, as it is illegal for any unmarried couples to have sex, and illegal for married couples to have oral sex.</p>
<p>I wonder now, how they handle sleep-away camps in Virginia?
.</p>
<p>VTboy, not quite sure why you jumped in but, my 12 year old son is in no danger of becoming pregnant.</p>
<p>Calmom, If 45 - 48% of the kids ages 16- 17 have had sex, that means that the MAJORITY have not. I’m not against sex ed. I’ll never forget the graphic information my son brought home when he was in eighth grade. He learned much more about the female body and how it worked then I ever knew. In fact PA has over the top health and sex ed, starting in 5th grade and continuing off and on until 11th grade. All PA HS juniors can probably tell you what contraceptives work best and describe every disease you could possibly get from unprotected sex.</p>
<p>I certainly can’t stop my kids from doing what we’ve taught them to be morally wrong and WHY we believe that way. I do think they have internalized those values for themselves. My daughter chose to go to a Christian College and chose to sign a moral clause where she can be expelled for having pre-marital sex, drinking alcohol or using drugs. She chose to be around other students that felt the same way she did. This was not my choice. </p>
<p>If you are a 16 year old girl and you have protected consenting sex but the condom breaks, and you become pregnant, your whole life has changed. That’s the kicker and that’s why every time you have sex you should think would I want to have a child with this person? Not, boy does this feel good! </p>
<p>I’m done with my soapbox. I don’t think I’ve changed anyone’s mind and I do apologize if I implied that anyone cared less about their child then I do about mine because you think differently. I know we’re all raising our kids by the seat of our pants and with our own experiences and beliefs and I respect that.</p>
<p>I think that the laws regarding sex between consenting adults, married or not, would be found unconstitutional in the wake of Lawrence vs. Texas. This case, which was seen by the Supreme Court last summer, involved two homosexual men who were caught in the act, and were arrested under Tx’s anti-sodomy laws. THe court found that the law was unconstitutional because what adults did in the privacy of their homes is no one’s business but their own.</p>
<p>age of consent in most states is 15 or 16
However if age of consent is 16 and one party is 15 with the other 16 then their sexual activity would be illegal.
Of course if one is an adult say 18-19 and the other underage that is a whole nother ball of wax.
I wonder if this is ever discussed in health class- I know that for instance the high school where I attended had basically meaningless sex ed when I was there, and from what I have read in the papers it hasn’t changed-discussing age of consent and what that means I think would be relevant- especially since I bet it doesn’t usually occur to kids to think about it. A senior in high school could be anywhere from 16 to 19 years old and no one would think twice, but it would make a great deal of difference where the law is concerned- not just for “sex”</p>
<p>I dont mean to say I think teens should be having sex- but I think it needs to be discussed and even though many areas still do have sex ed in schools,when abstinence only education is at the forefront of what is being taught-where are students going to get accurate information?
Teen girls in Texas and across the country are getting sexually transmitted diseases because they don’t think it is "sex?!
( Didn’t they learn anything from the episode of Monicas blue dress?)
<a href=“http://www.texasobserver.org/showArticle.asp?ArticleID=1972[/url]”>http://www.texasobserver.org/showArticle.asp?ArticleID=1972</a></p>
<p>I’m with EmeraldKity - people who have sex often think they SHOULD marry that person and they often expect that the other person feels the same way. Matrimony doesn’t happen, and then there is more pain.</p>
<p>well not so much zante
I actually think the age of consent thing is very relevant to summer camp
I have noticed that while my kids attend this summer camp because of the horses others attend to spend time and meet other kids.
They have various camps going on at the same time and one camp for high schoolers has lots of things available to do but it isn’t as tightly structured as the theme camps.
I imagine ( I know) that especially some of the girls portray themselves as being one or two years older than they actually are, and it wouldn’t be unusual for a precocious 14 year old to be passing herself off as 16 to another 16 year old.
Even if nothing happened @ camp, if they got together later that summer they might end up in situations that would not happen if the older one knew how young his girlfriend really was.
I see some girls putting info online- not their address, but basically everything else, and for the girls who can get away with it- they may bump their age up 2 or 3 years.
I read an article I think in the NYT about high school girls who go to fancy bars and pick up men in their 30s.Apparently they have risen the bar so high for their expectations that only an older man will do.
They already have charge cards and designer clothes whats a stockbroker or two? :rolleyes:</p>
<p>Now we need to remember, what is sex? You know what I mean, its not just intercourse…so if a student signs a pledge to not have premarital sex, what are they promising not to do?
And its not that we think differently, its that we are aware of what teens can and will do, no matter what we have taught them</p>
<p>Read some sites about kids who make pledges to not have “sex”- a lot do pretty much everything, but…and this is from kids taught abstinence</p>