<p>emeraldkity, I was talking about the things that were said in the an old thread about sex that was shut down. I don’t want to get into those things. </p>
<p>Of course there will be people who lie about their ages. We all know that kids want to be older…and with the internet, it’s so easy to make things up. I know someone who had her first sexual experience with a man more than twice her age. (She was 18, he was in his 40s) That really disturbs me more than teens having sex at camp.</p>
<p>Did anyone catch the show on I dont remember what channel but it was on kids in Lubbok Tx(right in the heart of the bible belt, this was the tagline of the show it seemed )who were only taught abstinence and they were all taking these virginity pleges and than going and going down on there bf later that night. There was even a boy who said he was a "born again"virgin, meaning he had been having sex but decided he didn’t want to anymore. Texas also has the highest rate of teen pregencies and STDS.</p>
<p>You guys need to keep in mind that stats like “the average age of first sexual intercourse is 17 for girls and 16 for boys; about 45% of high school girls and 48% of high school boys have had sex…” have little to do what is right or what is wrong or what is to be expected from kids.</p>
<p>Those stats are more indicative of the fact about half the population is below average in intelligence, and that teen-agers exaggerate their sexual experience, than any measure of what one should expect from a particular kid.</p>
<p>There are a huge number of kids out there like the ones in this thread:
<a href=“http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/showthread.php?t=78741[/url]”>http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/showthread.php?t=78741</a></p>
<p>I don’t think giving them condoms when they go to camp would do anything good, and might send a messeage about what you expect.</p>
<p>Yup. It would send a clear message that if they were to have sex in violation of the camp’s rule, I would very, very much prefer them to be safe about it, and am willing to sacrifice my preferences for them, which are very clear and unambiguous, in favor of their health and safety.</p>
<p>My point about the statistics and the legal age of consent is that that not everyone shares the same notions of “what is right and what is wrong”. For example, I don’t have any problem with the idea of premarital sex - I think it’s pretty normal. I have a much bigger problem with the idea of marriage to the wrong person for the wrong reason at an age before the person is ready – that is, to me, teenage sex is preferable to teenage marriage. So to me it is the nature of the relationship that is important - concepts like trust & mutual respect as well as love – not whether the couple is married or not. So I have really emphasized to my daughter my feelings about the importance of being in a committed, trusting relationship. I also happen to believe that oral sex is sex – and I made that clear to my d. when I got wind of what was going on with her peers at age 14. </p>
<p>So I ultimately agree with Kathiep’s statement " I know we’re all raising our kids by the seat of our pants and with our own experiences and beliefs and I respect that." – its just that Kathiep and I have different religions and very different points of view as to what is appropriate and right at various ages. I used to worry a lot about my daughter when she was going out with boys at age 14 - but I felt that at age 16 she was old enough to make her own decisions - so in a sense I think my view of morality must be more in accord with all of those state legislators who make 16 the age of consent. Not that I am in favor of “sex” – just that I feel 16 is old enough to make the choice. </p>
<p>However, I have to add this to Kathiep, regarding your statement about a condom breaking. Condoms are essential these days to protect against STD’s, but they are not the most reliable form of birth control. Most knowledgeable young women who are sexually active use additional, more reliable methods.</p>
<p>
I don’t know about that. I work in a setting where I routinely ask patients about contraception. I always tell the girls who use condoms alone about the failure rate. Even the girls who seem pretty intelligent generally seem surprised. (of course, this is Texas so they may not have gotten a lot of accurate information before.). </p>
<p>I’m always surprised at the flap over Plan B as if it is some new, never before available concept. 30 years ago, every girl in my dorm probably knew that you just took extra BCPs for a few days if the condom broke. (most of us had a dog-eared copy of Our Bodies Ourselves with a section on that.) Girls not on the pill would just ask around on the floor if they needed some. Now, I’m not sure that most college girls know about doing that, even though you can find instructions on the internet for how many to take of what brand.</p>
<p>Well, if they don’t know about the failure rate of condoms, then they aren’t “knowledgeable”. And yes, I am quite sure that my daughter gets more complete information at her SF high school than would be typical in most parts of the country. My point was really a response to Kathiep’s implication that young women having sex ought to be constantly worried about pregnancy (Post #89: " that’s why every time you have sex you should think would I want to have a child with this person?")</p>
<p>Off CalMom’s post - unfortunately, most teen sex ed is based solely around things like preventing pregnancy and STDs. That leaves out the emotional aspect, with the result that so many people (esp. men) tend to think that there are no problems with sex so long as there is no chance of becoming pregnant. I’ve lost count of the number of times I’ve had men say something to the effect of, “We would use birth control, so why is having sex a problem?” I dunno… maybe my psyche?</p>
<p>I haven’t followed this whole thread, but thought I woudl jump in with a few comments…
I can’t imagine that most people on a practical level wouldn’t prefer that kids in high school/under 18 not have sex. Practical or moral,seems like if you had a choice most would choose no sex for their own/any kids they care about.</p>
<p>I personally believe that morally pre-marital/extra marital sex is ‘bad’. I can accept that not all agree with this, but I believe I am allowed to suggest that -without suggesting that you have to agree with me. </p>
<p>However, if you are going to have sex you should – Use a condom, use another form of birth control, realize that STDs can be trasmitted among if you are sexually active. My wife was not sexually active before we married - I was in college, my wife contracted the HPV -which is viewed as a precursor to Cervical cancer, and my wife had her cervix removed, because I had sexual relations 20 years before. I am all for knowldge, just get all the facts…</p>
<p>yes HPV is a virus that can cause abnormal PAP test and some kinds can lead to cancer.
<a href=“http://www.cdc.gov/std/HPV/STDFact-HPV.htm[/url]”>http://www.cdc.gov/std/HPV/STDFact-HPV.htm</a></p>
<p>using a condom is a good idea- especially if you don’t know how many other partners that your partner has.Condoms are about the only type of birthcontrol ( other than abstnence) that can interfere with passing on disease</p>
<p>I have been following this thread for a couple of days and have finally decided to jump in though I wish there was a way for me to select “Anonymousforthisone” as my screen name. My 18 year old daughter, who did not become sexually active until just recently, received an abnormal pap smear reading. A follow-up biopsy showed CIN II. After discussing her situation with the doctor, she decided to forego treatment for the time being in favor of a very watchful repeated testing approach. This means biopsies every 3-4 months. The treatment, something called a loop, can result in miscarriages down the road and about 80% of CIN II in young woman under 21 returns to normal after two years. But it will be a long two years of worry and waiting for the other shoe to drop.</p>
<p>She was on the pill and her partner used condoms; a condom while excellent protection against HIV is much less effective protection against HPV because transmission is not via fluids. In addition, the types of HPV that are most often associated with cervical cancer do not result in visible warts on either partner. And yes for the purpose of HPV transmission, sex is more that intercourse.</p>
<p>My point in sharing all of this is that it is imperative as parents that we discuss all aspects of sexuality with our children in an open non-judgmental manner. If we don’t they will rely on their peers for information and guidance and I don’t plan to give up that role to another 18 year-old.</p>
<p>even if all kids followed adults’ advice not to have sex until (fill-in-the-blank), eventually virtually all human beings will be sexually active. The time for factual information about STDs, pregnancy, as well as the emotional aspects of sexual relationships is before that happens. If you wait until you think the kid is actually close to initiating sexual activity it may already be too late. Even if it is not, they are less likely to listen to you than they would have been at a somewhat earlier, less hormone-driven point.</p>
<p>Jumping into the fray again - many people (esp. boys) do not realize that a girl can get pregnant even without sex - i.e. through heavy petting. Personally, I’m sick of trying to beat it through their heads that they need to be careful (sorry if this is TMI) and that abstinence is NOT 100% effective when heavy petting is involved. Some men really “get it” - they are careful to make sure that we’re not the one-in-a-million (or whatever) that has an “accident” without intercourse - but other men don’t get it. They really think that lack of technical sex means that there are no ramifications. Ugh! (We can also call this “Top 10 Reasons Why Aries is Single.”)</p>
<p>
Right on.</p>
<p>Aries, that is why I am more focused on relationship issues, than “sex”. Pregnancy and STD’s are just one aspect of what can go “wrong”. To look at sex as an either/or proposition ignores reality - it also ignores all the in-between stuff and the context in which many young people have their first sexual experiences. That is, sex is usually the result of one thing leading to another than concious planning. So I think that the more kids have an opportunity to think about things in advance the more prepared they will be to make appropriate decisions - and by that I mean a lot more than thinking about the mechanics of contraception.</p>
<p>From my teenage experience and that of my friends’, parents, a lot of teens try to “hook” up with the opposite sex at debate camps, math camps, etc. There are no parents around and the camp counselors are usually stoned so there is usually no adult supervision whatsoever. So, a lot of guys sneak up into the girls’ dormitories without any fear of getting caught. At the engineering camp I went to, I would be suprised if there was a single teen, of either gender, that had not at least kissed someone if not slept with someone during the course of 4 weeks.</p>
<p>Agree mof. My college friends told me that they lost their virginity at coed sleepaway outdoor/travelling camps–some as young as 14. Their advice was to avoid coed camps unless child was ready to lose virginity. </p>
<p>Where did my boys go to camp? An all-boys camp on a granite island in the middle of one of the Great Lakes–so rustic–plumbing wasn’t added until 2001.</p>
<p>“Jumping into the fray again - many people (esp. boys) do not realize that a girl can get pregnant even without sex”</p>
<p>Happened to Mary…(;))</p>
<p>Good point - and these men are mostly Christians. Also have a pile of Catholics who don’t understand that issue. Grrrr!</p>
<p>I was a “good” girl until college, and that experience was a one time deal, it was almost as if I had to get it over with, I was celibate during my college years, after that first time, with a guy I really thought was great, who turned out to be a jerk, well, I was disillusioned and took a loonnggggg break…</p>
<p>my daughters did(do) attend a co-ed camp- however my daughter only attends the horse interest section which is usually all girls.
Next year she is planning on being an intern- which means she will be at camp inbetween sessions-
This year she will be taking health either at her school or online through BYU. DOn’t know which one will be better- if she takes it online she can free up a class period for course work she will need in college- but wondering how much contraceptive information BYU will share as it is a religious school .</p>