<p>I would like other parents, opinions on this touchy subject in our house. My step- son, 23, BU graduate in Econ/ environmental policy has turned down numerous job opportunities (fidelity, siemens, a shot at working at the fed, etc) because he does not want a " cube" job. So, this year he quit his job at Siemens, drove to Austin to " find a job" lived for 2 months without working a single day, and is now back home living with us and working 3 days at siemens and 2 days at an ad agency.( so much for not wanting a cube job") He is not a worker bee like my husband and myself and he seems to be lazily drifting, just waiting for lightening to strike. He has now been out of college for 16 months. We have forced him to pay for his own cell phone , etc, but now my husband feels that my step-S should pay us 500 a month for " rent". ( we haven’t told him this but we will put the $ in an acct and give him the lump sum when( if ever) he moves out. Well, my step-s had a fit. Basically told his dad that " you are punishing me" , but the truth is we feel he is acting like a trustafarian and we are tired of it. While he will always have a roof over his head , my husband feels that after this amount of time we should not have to subsidize his lack of zeal in joining the working millions and while we are extremely well off, our money is not his money. Any other parents run into this?</p>
<p>I have not run into it personally, our oldest is a rising college junior, so she is still sort of in the nest.</p>
<p>I do know that H’s sister had her son (our nephew) come back home to live after he graduated college. She actually sort of pushed for that to happen. He had a full time job and paid his parents rent of some sort from day one. While I do think that the rent was mostly financial, I would not be surprised if they made it lower in exchange for him mowing the yard or doing some other bigger or more physical type chores. My SIL and BIL, while still physically active, have had some health issues and having nephew around was probably a big help to them. Nephew has since moved out to his own spot but still in town in order to help out his parents.</p>
<p>I think that all adults, especially one with the capabilities and intelligence that a college grad has, should be held responsible for his/her own life to the fullest extent possible. If he indicates that he needs help, then explore the whys and hows with him and figure out how much you are willing to help. Then hold your ground.</p>
<p>I know several who have charged their college grads “rent” aNd also surprised them with lump sum when they moved out. It’s hand as forced savings they can apply toward security deposit, down pymt or furnishings. We may consider that once D gets a job, if she moves back to HI.</p>
<p>Our kids knew from day 1 that they would need a job right after college and we would prefer if they didn’t live at home, but if they should decide to live at home because they needed to save up money for an apartment (security, first month, broker’s fee) then they had to pay rent to us. I am not one to believe it is a good idea for a college graduate to live at home unless they are in between jobs or grad school. </p>
<p>D1 is living on her own at an apartment only few miles from us. I still buy clothes for her or pay for her major medical costs, but we do not think it is a good situation for her to live with us. I wish we could get to see D1 more, but I think it would be selfish of us to demand too much of her time.</p>
<p>A friend of mine lived at home for 6 months when he first graduated from school because he didn’t have enough money to move out. His dad came into his room on the first of every month to demand rent from him. He was kind of ****ed off at his dad for being such a pain in the neck. His dad was trying to make a point that just because his landlord was his dad, it didn’t mean he could pay whenever he wanted. His dad gave all of his rent back when he moved out.</p>
<p>My D pays all of her own expenses but lives rent free as she saves to buy a home. She is a saver- with her own money. Mine she spends gleefully.
When I lived at home after college I paid the electric bill as well as all my own expenses.</p>
<p>Thank you so much for all your responses. It’s not that we are stingy parents. We bought him a Jetta for graduation, we paid for all expenses and all college costs , but my husband is a self made man, Dad abandoned family, grew up on gov food etc, mom worked 50 hrs a week in a factory and my husband started working at 12 to help his mom out. We just don’t understand our son’s attitude. He is smart, funny, witty - great at a dinner party. Work, not so much. It’s like he wants to start out in middle management ! Now, he is ****ed off at my husband for the idea of paying rent. I’m not sure what other leverage we can use to get his a…s…s if gear. We have suggested getting an MBA or looking at other jobs ., and we get a yeah, sure and nothing happens. Very frustrated.</p>
<p>Was he aware of expectations while he was in college?
It sounds like if he had extras like a car given to him, had his expenses covered, he may not have pursued networking and internships as ardently as if he knew that he wouldnt have much of a cushion when he finished college.
Does he not even have any student loans?</p>
<p>Im not saying your expectations are unreasonable, however it sounds like hes perhaps been a little spoiled and perhaps feels like he would be diminished if he had to actually work for a living.</p>
<p>How did he pay his bills when he was in Austin?</p>
<p>And , if he was saving for a house or graduate school we would not charge him rent. It’s this attitude of not liking his job(s) , yet not zealously looking for something else…like he has all the time in the world and don’t worry, some cool sexy career will just drop into my lap.</p>
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<p>Ha – I love this! I absolutely think you are doing the right thing, don’t let him talk you out of it. Of course he wants to live with you rent free! He will feel entitled until he is informed otherwise (which it sounds like your husband has done). I suppose you could ask him to perform $500/month in chores around the house instead if he prefers – I am pretty sure I could come up with housekeeping, maintenance, and lawn care tasks that would add up to that total for one of my kids. Although I wouldn’t pay someone normally to do them – but at least I get something for putting a roof over their head (and feeding them, I assume you are doing that a lot of the time). And maybe they get some incentive to get a better job/move out on their own.</p>
<p>I’m with intparent. It’s okay to ask for rent, and I know others who have done the same, set it aside for a down payment for him. It’s your house, your rules. He is a grown man, he can move out. Some people do need a nudge out of the nest. It can be a great thing.</p>
<p>I agree with your husband about paying rent (and giving him the 4 as a lovely parting gift). The bigger lesson is that your son will learn no matter where he is, that he must pay his own way. It does not matter if he is paying rent, a utility bill or buying the toilet paper every month. He has to put on his big boy pants and know that he is an adult and must now take on adult responsibilities. In reality, can he live on his own in your neck of the woods for $500 a month (He could not rent a room in NYC for $500/month)</p>
<p>What is the worse that could happen? He will get mad, threaten to leave and live with friends (let him). What he will find out that couch surfing will get real old real fast is he is not contributing and paying his way.</p>
<p>Our first is a real go- getter, he couldn’t wait to move out. He took the lemon- like first job out of college and made it into extremely lucrative lemonade. We never discussed paying rent because it never crossed our minds that anyone would be living at home 16 months after they graduated with no clear ideas in mind of what their next step was. Our expectations were always made clear that they would have to work. And it was his grandmother who first mentioned he should pay rent. She feels he is an adult and should pull his weight. My husband is annoyed that son has even argued against him having to pay rent now. Feels it is a sign that he is not embracing adulthood. I just told youngest that if his still home 2 years out of college he will be paying rent too!</p>
<p>Our oldest has been home about 20 months and working p/t all that time. We looked up the Mortgage guidelines for percent of income for housing (about 20% of takehome pay, think) and charged him that as rent. Due the first of the month, except for Christmas and his birthday month. It gave him self-respect to not be a moocher and also kept me from snapping and complaining about his long showers or leaving lights on. He is moving out soon and we are using the accumulated rent for the security deposit and apartment stuff . Everyone has been very happy with the arrangement, honestly. He also pays his gas, insurance, and phone bills.</p>
<p>If I were him, I would prefer to pay rent, otherwise I would be accountable to my parents every time I want to spend money.</p>
<p>My S works in the construction industry and after the crash in 2008 went back to school for a certificate and lived back home for awhile. The minute he got a job he asked of his own accord to pay rent and came up with the amount, which was very generous. He also, because of his skills, offered to fix/build/check on a variety of issues such as the time a windstorm blew off half our shingles. I did not clean up after him, he did not expect me to.</p>
<p>A kid with a degree from a top school in an in-demand field should a) have no trouble working and b)should be paying rent and/or expenses. That would include EVEN if he was “saving for a house”.</p>
<p>For you it would include even if they were saving for a house for me not so much. I say let her save as fast as she can. But I realize what works for my family may not work for others, To each their own.</p>
<p>Let me also add he is making in the low 40’s. When you add up his bills are 80 for phone, 100 car payment and now 500 for rent. Still plenty of money left.</p>
<p>Charging adult children rent is fine. Living at your house is still a bargain,</p>
<p>In that case, absolutely no excuse to not pay rent. That’s more than some entire families make and he has almost no expenses.</p>