On the same note as what @jonri explained so eloquently:
I mentioned upthread that my son used to resent the fact that our family didn’t take elaborate vacations, but he changed his mind when he realized that the money we had saved by not doing this enabled him to graduate from college with no debt, while most of his friends had to take out loans.
I wonder whether the kids who had to take out loans because their families had prioritized travel over college savings resented later that their families had made this choice.
Let’s not generalize either. My daughter’s roommate had to take out loans to pay for UC CoA. I don’t believe they are extravaganza in anything. I’ve met them. Caucasian couple, household income about $100k with a home, so some home equity.
My family had no educational debt and we’ve been taking lots of vacation. The last kid only applied to 2 OOS private schools. Had she got into them we would have paid $250k or whatever it cost. But they may not be the right school for her either.
I wonder how many middle-class/upper middle-class parents with no college savings for their kids, simply did not realize college would be so expensive? So they didn’t save much for it, or at all.
I know a couple who only saved 10k for their kid’s college, all the while encouraging him to go to the state flagship where he’d have to live on campus. They take an expensive vacation every year, and have done so for more than a decade. They buy a new car every few years. They bought a new, bigger house in a better neighborhood a few years ago. I know that their income is close to 125k a year. They live in an area where this allows them a comfortable lifestyle. I was confounded to hear, then, that they only had 10k for the kid’s college - for all 4 years - and they told him he’d have to come up with the rest.
I believe that both parents had no idea how much college costs had risen since they attended. They both kept saying that he would just have to “work summers”. Yeah, well, that will make a small dent. The rest will be paid with loans taken out by the kid, and possibly the parents.
HOWEVER - he did get a full tuition scholarship to a local college where he could have commuted.
He also only applied to three colleges, and only one ended up being affordable without loans.
Imo, their kid is exhibiting “entitled” behavior. I feel for him that his parents didn’t save enough, or help him research enough schools, but he also absolutely refused to look at other schools back in April, when the writing on the financial wall said he, and possibly his parents would be taking out loans to afford his “dream school”, the flagship. A few of us suggested he go to the full-tuition school for two years and then transfer to flagship, to save costs, and he’d still have a degree from the flagship. No, he wouldn’t budge.
If it were my kid, I would’ve said, Do what you want, but WE, your parents, will not be co-sgning any loans for you, when there are more affordable options.
Otoh, it’s his parents’ fault, in the first place, I feel, because they encouraged him his entire school career to head for the state flagship - and then failed to do the research and saving that would let him attend debt-free.
Parents need to know that college costs have risen astronomically in just the past 20 years.
Ok, mom & dad, here is my $2500 toward $30K+. Glad junior could help with books and student activity fees.
It is not the kid is entitled. It is the parents who are entitled in thinking it is someone else’s responsibility to make sure their kid could go to college. But, but, I thought college is supposed to be affordable to everyone.(with whining voice)
I don’t think the kid is “entitled.” I think the kid is trying to do what he always expected to do and doesn’t fully realize how much impact all that debt is going to have on his post-graduation life. Like his parents, he’s underinformed. But underinformed isn’t the same thing as entitled.
The kid may also be feeling betrayed. And that would be understandable.
@BeeDAre, my daughter’s best friend was in similar situation. I’ve heard $8k saved for all 4 years. But they are cosigning for their daughter to attend state flagship. Not sure how much more they can save. They are not extravaganza. The kid is very grateful. She is a great kid. Honestly I’m not sure where are all these kids who are complaining come from. They seem to go on CC to vent because they can.
@jonri - i never heard of a Quinceanera, but then I live in New England, which isn’t exactly a bastion of ethnic diversity. To tie it back to “entitlement”–are these coming of age parties expected even in families who haven’t immigrated recently? Do more established families,i.e., second or third generation continue, the tradition?
My daughter's roommate had to take out loans to pay for UC CoA. I don't believe they are extravaganza in anything. I've met them. Caucasian couple, household income about $100k with a home, so some home equity.
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Those sound like normal staffords. I don’t think that is what the other post meant. I think they meant the ones where the student had to take on a lot of debt.
the roomie’s family probably had to pay about $20k+ per year for her UC, so it’s not like they were being cheap.
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wonder whether the kids who had to take out loans because their families had prioritized travel over college savings resented later that their families had made this choice.wonder whether the kids who had to take out loans because their families had prioritized travel over college savings resented later that their families had made this choice.
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Do you mean any loans at all? even small Staffords? or do you mean add’l student loans?
I wouldn’t single out travel. I know of a family that used to spend a ridiculous amount on clothes and purses (for mom and DD’s). It was truly shocking. When it came time for college, they co-signed loans for their oldest DD. I’m sure that now that she’s working, she probably realizes that “less stuff” would have meant “less debt”.
those are big back home in California. Huge, wedding-like, EXPENSIVE. My niece is in her 3rd Quinceanera court this month.
When we moved to Alabama, there was a significant Cuban community, rather affluent/successful. They, too, hosted expensive Quinceaneras. Horse-drawn carriages, full open bar, mariachi bands at the church, full bands at the dinner receptions.
Makes me wonder how they’re going to “top” these with weddings.
I’ve no idea, to be truthful. A few second generation families seem to have morphed the Quinceanera into an over the top “Sweet 16.” Whether or not that’s common I don’t know.
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s, I didn’t think students could take out loans on their own except for a smaller amount.
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Right, but there are a number of “debt-burdened” kids who are responsible for co-signed loans and even Plus Loans. While there is no “legal obligation” for a child to payback a Plus Loan, there are strangely many parents who’ll take them out because their 18 year old child promised to pay them back for them.
Marian - do you think your lack of empowerment was your parents’ fault, your own makeup (we all have our issues and weak spots), or a combo of the two?
Maybe I am entitled. I always ask for things even when I think the answer would be no. More often than not, I get what I want. I told people the trick is to ask with a straight face and be very matter of fact.
Good question, @pizzagirl. I think the answer is both. My parents created the atmosphere, but my personality worsened it. My sister, who is more assertive and outgoing, asked for things a little bit more than I did.
And sometimes she did things without asking, which I would never have done. As teenagers, we both worked in a certain store where some of the male permanent employees hit on the young girls (like by following us into the stockroom and groping us). I simply lived with it although I found it extremely offensive. She quit her job over our parents’ objections. Good for her.
@DrGoogle. No. My mother was the one in charge of the household both before and after their divorce. My father was a quieter person who didn’t seem interested in playing that role. So the change didn’t matter.