Kids With No Interest In Anything

Parent Cafe
1

<p>What do you do with a kid who lacks passion? My younger son’s best friend moved to another country a couple of years ago. Since then he just spends most of his time alone or playing computer/xbox. He is a B student. He has some friends to hang out with occasionally, but only becase they call him and do all the planning. </p>

<p>He’s very scatter-brained which we have always laughed about, but now that he’s a HS sophomore it’s less funny. He can never follow directions unless they are very simple or written down. He wants to drive, but not motivated to finish his online driver’s ed. He’s always hard to shop for since he never wants anything. I had to threaten to buy him a Kindle at Christmas to get him to make any sort of wishlist :-).</p>

<p>I’m wondering if I should have him evaluated for a learning disability. He’s very witty, so I don’t think he’s just unintelligent. He’s just lazy and lacks interest in life in general.</p>

<p>He does play a sport. He’s mediocre there too, but at least he gets some exercise. </p>

<p>Suggestions?</p>

2

<p>I was reading your description and thinking: learning disability. Then you say “lazy and lacks interest” which is, for a teacher, a red flag for a learning disability. The vast majority of kids want desperately to succeed but kids with learning disabilities don’t know HOW to succeed–so they don’t do much, and end up being called “lazy.”</p>

<p>Sophomore year is also, for many students, a very difficult year. It’s when curriculum transitions from concrete concepts into more abstract ideas; think, for example, about multi-variable algebra and the chemistry concept of the mole. These are tough concepts; students that have been coasting often run into difficulties at this point.</p>

3

<p>If he’s a B student, I would personally be more concerned about it being depression than a learning disability. Some kids are obviously more self-starters than others, but his “lacking interest in life in general” would be concerning to me. If you could have someone that he looks up to (an uncle, his coach, ??? talk to him about what’s going on, or trying to help him find something to be excited about, or get involved with a different set of people where he could meet some new people, he might open up more with them than he would with you? Just an idea.</p>

<p>I wouldn’t be overly concerned about the drivers license thing. For whatever reason, I know of more and more kids who are not terribly motivated to finish what they need to to get their drivers license. My older D was that way, as was 2 nephews and now a friend’s very high-achieving h.s. junior isn’t interested either. It might go along with his lack of interest in “life”…once there are outside motivators that make it a hassle (or sorry–embarrassing) for then to not have their license, it usually gets them moving.</p>

4

<p>I have been treated for depression for years, then ADD but EFD is more where the root cause lies.
[url=&lt;a href=“http://www.additudemag.com/adhd/article/7051.html]What”&gt;http://www.additudemag.com/adhd/article/7051.html]What</a> Is Executive Function Disorder (EFD)? What Is the Difference Between EFD, ADHD, and LD? <a href=“my%20oldest%20didn’t%20get%20her%20drivers%20license%20till%20she%20was%20about%2024,%20my%20youngest%20doesn’t%20have%20one%20at%2020-%20I%20didn’t%20get%20mine%20until%20I%20was%2021-”>/url</a></p>

5

<p>The first thing I thought of was depression as well, particularly given that he “lacks interest in life.” Unfortunately, I have personal experience with depression. I have no medical training, just my experience, but here are some questions I’d ask myself if I were you:</p>

<ol>
<li> Is the time he spends gaming a reasonable amount of time (or does he spend an excessive amount of time gaming because of an overwhelming desire to escape daily life)?</li>
<li> Is he unwilling to complete the drivers’ ed training because he won’t have a car to drive or doesn’t see the need (or does he feel that it is pointless because he might not be around all that long anyway)?</li>
<li> Does he not want you to spend money on him because he truly feels that he has all he needs or wants (or does he feel worthless and therefore guilty if you spend money on him)?</li>
<li> Is he lazy as a character trait (or does he spend an excessive amount of time sleeping and moping around because he has a chemical imbalance causing depression)?</li>
</ol>

<p>I’m not asking for you to tell us the answers to these questions, but rather to consider them for yourself. It might be a good idea to consider these things so you can find medical treatment for your son if he needs it.</p>

<p>At the same time, my sophomore son has some similarities to yours, and I don’t think he is depressed. My son doesn’t go out much with friends and he never, ever has friends over. He doesn’t seem to want to get his driver’s license (and that is fine with me, as we don’t have another car for him to drive, and insurance will cost us $1800 more a year once he gets his license, doubling our current cost). He doesn’t want us to spend money on him, but we are very frugal as a family. Like your son, he is also very funny! One difference I see is that he is always striving to do better at his sport (tennis), at which he is pretty good but not great. My son also has a regular lunch table at school and tells me occasionally about the other guys, so I think he gets some of his social needs met at school, and some through tennis.</p>

<p>I wish you the best. I can tell you love your son and want the best for him!</p>

6

<p>My S has some similarities. He also didn’t drive at 16 … it took being the only senior on the bus for him to get motivated enough to want to get his license. He had kids he hung with at school, but none were in his classes. He did challenge himself academically but could have done better gradewise. He shocked the heck out of himself when he scored a 33 on his ACT. He didn’t do anything in terms of EC’s … although he did play, write, and record music & play in a couple bands with his buddies. He had a big afro (white kid) and wore black “band” t shirts every day to school. Getting him to look at/apply for colleges was a trip in itself.</p>

<p>He is almost through with his freshman year in college. He looks & dresses like Joe Prep. He doesn’t like his school, has changed his mind about his path academically, and will transfer next year. He applied to one school, and it is a tough school to transfer into. I guess he will go to the local commuter U if he doesn’t get accepted. He has friends at school that he eats with every day, and he does some things with them. He just hasn’t found anyone with his interests … no one plays guitar, snowboards, etc. And he doesn’t drink.</p>

<p>We just figure he needs a little time to find his way. He is moving forward.</p>

<p>I would say your S sounds fine given my S, but your comments about his inability to follow directions do send up a red flag. He may be fine, but I would definitely pursue that to make sure all is well. ADD is a thought, as well as executive function disorder. Definitely worth discussing with professionals (I would start with his pediatrician).</p>

7

<p>Actually, I told him that I would buy him a car for junior year (we did that for his brother) so he can drive himself to/from school. It’s difficult for me to leave work to pick him up after practice, so it’s as much for me as it is for him. He has a June birthday so he can’t get his license until then. He does an occasional “segment”, but shows no real enthusiasm about much of anything. </p>

<p>He definitely has struggled in math. He seems to “understand” stuff and then can’t remember it later. That makes me wonder about some kind of dyslexia/confusion. Oddly, his best grade is Chemistry. He enjoys that class. He comes home telling me about setting stuff on fire :slight_smile: and other exciting experiments. </p>

<p>So now…if I explore the learning disability possibility…should I contact his guidance counselor and ask how they recommend me have him tested? Or keep it quiet and have him tested privately?</p>

8

<p>If your gut feeling is that something is WRONG - go with that and work from there.</p>

<p>But I got to tell you, he sounds normal in most ways. S’s friends spent a lot of time playing video games in 10th grade. S never did anything socially unless someone else planned it. Many of S’s friends were happy making B’s - and did so with little effort. S did not get his Driver’s License until he was 17 - just not that interested. All very normal kids. B students are average - nothing wrong with that.</p>

<p>Is he happy? And I say this with all respect, or do you just want him to be “better”. </p>

<p>Many 15-16 yr old boys are pretty lazy and are perfectly content without passion. They mostly turn out just great.</p>

<p>Trust your gut!</p>

9

<p>My son went through something similar around sophomore year. He later told me he was feeling a little depressed. Gaming is very attractive to very bright but somewhat introverted kids. For years, son never initiated activities with friends but would usually go out if invited. He rarely had friends to the house - he kind of considers his home his refuge from all the social activity, so wasn’t inclined to have people over. Sophomore year is also the time when kids often begin to dabble in alcohol (and even drugs) and some kids (like my son) choose to avoid those scenes by staying home more. </p>

<p>My son stopped wanting a lot of stuff around that age (other than video games). He wasn’t that interested in grooming, clothes, etc until he got interested in a girl in 11th grade. By 12th grade, he was rarely home and always out with friends. And his list of ‘wants’ has exploded since he went off to college. :slight_smile: Sometimes these things are phases but it’s worth checking it out.You might try asking if he feels depressed. You might need to explain all the different ways depression can manifest itself (the inability to concentrate is one of them). Ask his teachers if he seems withdrawn - my son was never withdrawn at school, only at home. Ask them if he has a group of friends he regularly hangs out with at school. I was always struck by the fact that my son was generally smiling and laughing when I saw him with friends at school. That is why I didn’t worry too much about it.</p>

10

<p>Many 15-16 yr old boys are pretty lazy and are perfectly content without passion. They mostly turn out just great.</p>

<p>I agree with this- but I suggest you talk to him about it.
I remember trying to tell my parents that I was different than the other kids ( this was before IDEA and before learning differences were discussed at the same time as intelligence), but they didn’t know what I was talking about.
I bet he has a vague idea of whether or not he is depressed- but I wouldn’t get him tested through the district.
An educational psychologist should be able to do an assessment which would also ( ?) hopefully show what his learning style is.</p>

<p>Oftentimes very bright kids don’t present as having learning differences until high school or even college, because they are able use just part of their abilities for classwork.</p>

<p>However, that also means they have developed bad habits, like waiting until the last minute & stressing themselves & everyone else in the meantime.
this has lots of resources
[LD</a> OnLine](<a href=“http://www.ldonline.org/]LD”>http://www.ldonline.org/)</p>

11

<p>For the driving bit–both of my kids took an in-class driver’s ed course that was offered at the local public HS but didn’t get their licenses until they were 20 or 21 in college and needed it for their IDs. They still rarely drive UNLESS they HAVE to as it takes more energy than they are willing to expend.</p>

<p>My S also played A LOT of videogames and other electronic games, as did and do many of his friends (he’s now 23 & an EE). There is a U in New Mexico that has a degree in “blowing things up” & I believe also fires that your S may be intrigued enough to try to do well enough to get in to. Off hand, I can’t remember the name of the school but am sure it could be found by a web search.</p>

<p>Would be concerned about the issues regarding remembering simple instructions w/o writing it down. That is an issue at times with our kiddos, but they have figured out to write things down so they get the essential parts done. Would see if it is a lack of interest or genuine inability to keep several steps in mind and whether that happens in school or just when errands or tasks around the home are an issue.</p>

<p>Insurers often cover evaluations if there is some support form the school/teachers that there is a problem that needs further investigation. You can double-check what is and is no-covered and whether any pre-authorization is needed before incurring substantial debt. Also, in our state, there is ONE private school that treats gifted dyslexics and others; I believe if you sign up for summer school, an evaluation is included that can help pinpoint the issues the student may be having. Not sure whether there is a cost for that eval, but it might be worth checking out if your area has a similar option.</p>

<p>Good luck!</p>

12

<p>Sure have him tested but consider this. He does well enough in school with B average. He might not be great in all subjects, he doesn’t have to be perfect. Unless you are certain that something is terribly wrong, I’d hold off on medicating him unless you really have a gut feeling that something is terribly wrong, in which case I’d take him to his family phys first and then go from there.</p>

<p>Kids don’t always fit into these perfect models. If you need him to drive then you need him to drive and you might have to make drivers ed more of a mandatory thing, as in no more video games till you do. And along the lines of video games, don’t let him play too many for too long. It’s just not healthy. Maybe set a limit, like weekends and then only a little. </p>

<p>Require him to join something. Anything, as long as it makes him be a part of some group and gets him out of the house and doing something.</p>

<p>If he does not exercise make it mandatory, again it’s just what he has to do. He doesn’t have to do a sport at school, although they take the work off of you because they do the coaching set the schedule etc. But if not he could take a boxing class, or karate, or tennis lessons, or whatever, use your imagination. Why? Because every young boy needs to exercise his body. And beside becoming healthier, he might meet some people. I know a few kids who were crappy athletes but were on the track team and had a ball riding that bus and hanging out at meets.</p>

<p>Also, have you thought about him getting a part time job? I had all my teens work at least one night or day a weekend. It provided them with a little spending money and at least it was one weekend night I didn’t have to wonder what they were up to.</p>

<p>Look at your social circle of family or friends, take the person who knows your son best and is the most level headed and ask that person if they think your son seems okay. And then give yourself a few months after employing some of these suggestions and see if he’s better.</p>

<p>And finally, why not sit down with your son and have a real heart to heart (that’s if you haven’t already) and see if you can get a sense of how he feels about himself. Ask him leading questions about his life…ex:is he happy, does he ever feel sad, and if so when and why, is he ever lonely, what’s the funniest thing that he’s experienced lately, is there anything he wished he could change about himself, who does he admire among his peers and why, is there anything he wishes he were good at but never had the chance to try (more video gaming is not an option, lol). Have more than one conversation, often…</p>

<p>Good luck…let us know how it goes…</p>

13

<p>whoops, sorry just reread your post and saw that he does a sport. Can I just say that after reading your post he sounds pretty okay to me. </p>

<p>I’d have him do chores at home, might help with the laziness</p>

14

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<p>If this were my kid, I’d find someone to do a private educational evaluation. You could ask your physician for a recommendation or referral, and I 'd be honest with my kid about why. As a sophomore, not being able to follow simple directions isn’t typical, and I’d want to know what’s going on. Some kids just learn differently, and it would be important for his future to know his learning style and how to help him compensate for his inability to remember things. Even within a diagnosis, such as Executive Function Disorder, there are differences. An educational psychologist would also have an idea if he suffers from depression, as they talk to and work with many young people.</p>

<p>Good luck. I’ve always felt that going with my gut is usually the right thing to do. It sounds like your gut is telling you that there’s a problem.</p>

15

<p>Teens need a lot of sleep, and many don’t get enough. Could it be that he’s tired?</p>

16

<p>I don’t understand where in" B student" and “lack of motivation” people are seeing LD. If he’s REALLY scatter brained something like ADHD is a possibility, but if he’s not motivated and getting Bs I am not sure how worried I would be. </p>

<p>If you’re concerned and have the means to get him tested I certainly wouldn’t discourage you, but personally I don’t get it.</p>

17

<p>“He can never follow directions unless they are simple and written down.”</p>

<p>If this is true, and not just an exaggeration from occasional parental exasperation, then I’d want to know why. I’ve taught first grade, and all of the kids, with the exception of those with some kind of learning difficulty, could follow fairly complex directions. Of course our teenagers tune us out, so maybe some of the “not following directions” is voluntary, but if the OP is truly concerned, then yes, a follow-up with a professional would certainly be helpful. It would help you know if your expectations are reasonable, if nothing else.</p>

18

<p>Chemistry, hm? Maybe he’s an INTP.</p>

<p>[Portrait</a> of an INTP](<a href=“http://www.personalitypage.com/INTP.html]Portrait”>http://www.personalitypage.com/INTP.html)</p>

<p>The person described in your posts doesn’t sound to me like someone who has no interests, just someone who may be an introvert.</p>

19

<p>moonchild, </p>

<p>I truly think he just doesn’t pay attention, but it’s still worriesome. If I go out to start the car and say “get your stuff, feed the dog and lock the back door”. He will climb in the car and have only done 2 out of the 3. </p>

<p>Of course, since I posted this he’s had a rough week of tests but is doing really well. I still plan to have him tested.</p>

20

<p>This is <em>not</em> directed at AllThisIsNewToMe; it’s more a statement in general. I find it really disturbing that people are so quick to want to label kids as having one form or another of learning disability these days. Seems like schools became interested in doing this some years back to get funding, and parents bought into it hook, line, and sinker. What about the possibility that a kid just isn’t interested in much of what he’s doing in school? Maybe he’s more of a hands on guy and has to sit at a desk all day? Simple, obvious explanations like that? I could go on, but you get the point.</p>