<p>I guess I don’t agree that schools became interested in testing for learning disabilities in order to get funding. I think they did it because they saw kids were struggling, and wanted to find ways of helping them. But then, as a former school teacher, I have a bias.<br>
I do think that a lot of kids are bored in school, but that’s why testing is helpful. They can help us sort out who needs some kind of alternative learning situation and who is just not that into it.
But I do believe many kids are over-medicated. I’d rather use medication as the last resort, and modify the child’s environment to help solve the problem.<br>
What I do find helpful in testing kids is examining their strengths and weaknesses in how they learn and exploring how their mind works. If a child is a visual rather than an auditory learner, they may not do well in a lecture class, which is good information to have. Some kids just don’t process auditory information well, which may mean that directions may not even have “gotten in” in the first place. When that’s the case, it certainly can help a parent or teacher feel more empathetic with a kid and find ways to make sure that they “get it,” whatever it is.</p>
<p>To the OP, don’t worry. He’s fine. He’s an average teenage boy. </p>
<p>I know, reading CC, with all the superstar kids on here, we begin to think our “average” or even “above average” kids are losers. I am often guilty of this, reading other parents’ posts on my son’s college forum.</p>
<p>I would strongly advise against labeling him as having a disorder, getting him medicated, et cetera. </p>
<p>Why not let them progress at their own pace? Not all kids are supergeniuses, and not all kids want to be or need to be BMOC.</p>
<p>My S was like that at that age. Some days he wouldn’t leave his room and even though he had friends at school, he didn’t hang out with them off campus until his HS senior year. Driving was a low priority and he didnt get his license til his senior year. He would only hear the first or last thing I said so I started writing to-do lists. He was more thorough with a list. (I do the same for my DH, lol) Joking aside, s is now a college freshman and very independent now.</p>
<p>This is definitely a phase where it helps to read Zits. Regularly, perhaps multiple times a day. Not just the comics. Buy one of the anthologies. It kept me sane.</p>
<p>Even the most charming, happy boys can go into a phase in high school that defies the imagination. One needs to consider various diagnoses and vices but REALLY it is sometimes just a dreadful phase you have to endure until they emerge. </p>
<p>A saving grace for me was that occasionally another parent would see me and say “Oh, I had the nicest conversation with your son in the store the other day. He is such a nice kid!” WHO had they been talking to? But yes, it was my son and he could in fact emerge when surprised by the random adult…but just not with us and NEVER when I was trying to induce an interest, suggest an activity, etc. Hard to trust the process but it does evolve. Hang in there.</p>
<p>^^^Yes, yes, yes! Been there, done that. </p>
<p>And then you have the opposite. The kid who was in every club, every sport, went out all the time in high school. Now, in college, without the pressure of mom telling them to get involved, they don’t even leave their dorm room on the weekend. Content to no longer be the Super Kid and get to relax finally for a change.</p>
<p>Yes, it is a pleasant surprise when we hear from others how charming and conversational others have found our kids. My SIL & I joke about it, as our kids are friendly and personable with OTHER adults, just choose not to waste their charm on their own immediate family. :)</p>
<p>Yes, so true. I used to comfort myself with the fact that the alternative (pleasant and compliant at home but awful in public) has way worse long term consequences and prognosis. If they are going to test limits somewhere or just BE when they are in a temper/mood, then the fact is they feel safe enough to do that at home and our job is just to set reasonable limits, choose our battles, and live through the rest of it until they emege from the chrysalis.</p>
<p>I can attest that seemly indifferent, disinterested, unmotivated young men can hatch into passionate, creative, (even employed!) adults who make the most of college and beyond. And sadly, it is also true that some of the ones who were on-fire, organized, ambitious, top of the class high schoolers burn out, panic, feel completely lost or become addicted when they actually launch into the broader world of college. Of course we worry…but we also need to learn to wait and watch and trust them.</p>
<p>One of the best descriptions I read of how medication helps someone with ADHD-I (inattentive) is that it slows their brains from 150mph and down to 55mph, which allows them to see and process the world. My 13yo S started meds 18 months ago and it has made a huge difference in his schoolwork and his swimming. </p>
<p>While we still need to remind him to start his work and turn things in on time, he can complete writing assignments without getting distracted by the squirrels in the yard. His swim coach has also noted he has been more focused in practice and his time drops have been huge this year. </p>
<p>Up to 2 years ago, you could have counted me as a sceptic on medication, but it’s like night and day in our house since he started. On the rare days he forgets to take his meds, it’s obvious and the rest of the family want to lock ourselves in a separate room.</p>
<p>I think it’s a dramatic leap to go from
teen boy
who likes chemistry,
gets Bs in class,
does okay in a sport
but hasn’t figured out his “life’s work” yet
to
<em>contemplating putting him on drugs</em>.</p>
<p>I’m the mom of two boys, one now 22 and one now 16. Everyone above has expressed reasonable responses. I won’t add a thing to the driving discussion. I’ll just add a few things.</p>
<p>It’s common in one strand of boy teen culture to seem, and adapt, the persona of a bored, listless, passionless person (I have one of those). BUT, if analyzed, there are many things he cares about, such as his video games, anime, and his peers. He doesn’t want me involved, and they are not things adults usually value, so his interest in them is not given any value, but it is not as if he cares about NOTHING. Depression usually shows as coming home and lying down, not even caring if the video games get unplugged or if you don’t go out to your sport even if you are not a super star. (Of course, if you have any concerns, pursue them!)</p>
<p>Also consider, school these days may not create opportunities for passion. Teachers may be stressed, worried about lay-offs, assessments, exams… classes may not be inspiring. The intrigues of who is hot and who is not may be more important than intellectual pursuits, and if you mention this to him, he will die, and the whole powerful experience of just getting through an average co-ed day may cause knock out listlessness in some teenage boys once they arrive at home!</p>
<p>I think this is a weird time in our world/culture. So much of our emotional, intellectual and social life can be lived at the keyboard (where are YOU right now?) that it sometimes feels bizarre to be anywhere else. Does that feel like a lack of passion for other pursuits? Fess up… do we all have the same passion for the live arts, for bundling up in our coats, in our suits and dress shoes, or our hiking boots and gortex, to strike out into the world of passionate experience? Or are we happy in our pj’s (I am right now at 3pm) opening just one more browser window? This is our kids’ natural habitat… we may be sending some of them to college to taste passion for the first time!</p>
<p>And it could be a little of this, a little of that. A bright boy with a touch of a reading processing complication that makes high school more of a slog, who has a stack of teachers not having their best years, with syrupy hormones backwashing into his brain, not motivated enough to forge ahead, down in the dumps because he wishes he would.</p>
<p>Or any combination thereof. Now come on over here and figure out my bright, thick, teenage boy!</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>Yes, you should have a whole neuro/psych evaluation. It is expensive, but so worth it. Check out There is No Such Thing as a Lazy Child by Mel Levine. He is the guru of all things related to what is “under the hood” regarding the brain and kids’ development.</p>
<p>^^ Great recommendation. I love Mel Levine. Heard him speak years ago at my kids’ high school.</p>
<p>Or you could read John Taylor Gatto, an awarding winning teacher who paints a not so pretty picture of the school system. No matter, it’s a whole lot easier on all adults involved to just convince children something’s wrong with them instead…</p>
<p>I do believe there are children with learning disabilities. I also believe that teenage-hood isn’t necessarily meant to be easy on teens or the adults that interact with them most often. It’s a period of growth, transition. Growth involves <em>growing pains</em>.</p>
<p>I don’t know the OP or her son, but I place no more value on what indoctrinated teachers or school employees who haven’t met him have to say on this topic than experienced BTDT parents.</p>
<p>Re Mel Levine
<a href=“Melvin D. Levine, Doctor Facing Sexual Abuse Suit, Dies - The New York Times”>Melvin D. Levine, Doctor Facing Sexual Abuse Suit, Dies - The New York Times;
<p>I loved his work.</p>
<p>^^^Oh.My.Gosh.</p>
<p>That is the first I heard of any of it. How devastating. I am just shocked…</p>
<p>I really hope this mom just lets her son be and gives him a little more time to come into the person he will be. I’ve seen so many teens change over the years and if I had a nickel for every mom who fretted about her teen only to see a big difference 5 years later. There’s way too many kids on medication for no reason and it just makes me sad. </p>
<p>BTW, I took go out the door with 2 out of the 3 things I need. I end up going back or just dealing. Not that big a deal.</p>
<p>I am just so sick of people medicating their kids unless it’s absolutely necessary. Sure we could all use a little performance enhancing medications but that doesn’t make it right.</p>
<p>It sounds like depression. He is depressed because of his best friend disappearing. When someone is depressed they lose all interest in daily life and in activities they usually enjoy. I suggest you take him to counseling or therapy. Proper counseling and therapy can help him manage depression and shorten the depressive symptoms. These are types of treatment to improve mental well-being and quality of life. See [this</a> article](<a href=“http://www.mytroubledteen.com/articles/disorders/does-your-teen-have-a-lack-of-interest-in-life-there-could-be-a-deeper-problem.html]this”>http://www.mytroubledteen.com/articles/disorders/does-your-teen-have-a-lack-of-interest-in-life-there-could-be-a-deeper-problem.html), it will give you more ideas on how you can help your teen cope with depression.</p>
<p>Lovely post #30 by silverseas - well worth the read!</p>
<p>I know this is an old thread, but op, your son sounds like both my boyfriend and my teenage self. Neither of us have or had LDs.</p>
<p>There is nothing in the OP that screamed any kind of major issue. Sounds like an extremely, almost cookie cutter, American teen boy. Only on CC are people quick to jump to LDs because of a lazy, but above average, boy. He obviously has passions, just not ones that are obvious to you. /mini rant</p>
<p>^^ I sort of disagree romani – the part about not being able to follow directions and being a scatterbrain, along with a kind of passivity, can be a significant red flag. </p>
<p>OP, if you’re still reading this, please, please have your son evaluated. My son sounds a lot like yours, and for him, high school went from mediocre to bad to terrible. All the experts told us he wasn’t ADD, or had an LD. Well, his freshman year in college was an emotional and academic disaster. We made him get tested, and were pretty devastated. Son turned out to be a nearly classic AD/HD inattentive type, which is ADD without hyperactivity. Condition is also known as executive function disorder. It’s a neurological rather than a behavioral condition. Here’s the description from an excellent book I highly recommend, “Teenagers with ADD/ADHD, A guide for parents and professionals,” by Chris Zeigler Dendy:</p>
<p>“Teens [with this condition] are more laid back and are not aggressive… they cause few, if any behavior problems in the early school years. As teenagers they have low energy levels rather than hyperactivity… their condition is often overlooked until they reach middle or high school when they seem to fall apart academically due to their deficits in executive skills.” </p>
<p>Here’s more, from the author’s website:[Executive</a> Function](<a href=“http://www.chrisdendy.com/executive.htm]Executive”>http://www.chrisdendy.com/executive.htm)</p>
<p>"In 2007, researchers made a startling discovery: the brains of students with ADHD mature three years more slowly than their peers. This helps explain why their executive skills are delayed. Two years later, scientists found that the part of the brain that enables students to work on “boring tasks" such as school work has a reduced number of dopamine receptors and transporters. More simply stated the reduced levels of brain chemistry in this key area explains why students can play video games for hours but struggle to complete their homework in a timely manner.”</p>
<p>This condition is also believed to be somewhat related to depression, and can manifest itself as depression. This is why anti-depressants sometimes are used to treat this disorder, sometimes so successfully that other ADD medication isn’t even necessary.</p>