<p>Two friends are having a joint grad BBQ & pool party for their youngest children tonight. S2 is very close friends with both of their older sons and will be rooming with them in the fall. We have known them for years. I was aware they were planning the event as one of them mentioned to me that they were continuing the ‘tradition’ (we had a 3-way party when the older kids graduated). This was fine and I had no expectation of being invited since we are not close with the younger kids. </p>
<p>But then TODAY, I ran into one of them leaving a grocery store and she mentioned the party and invited me to attend. This happened approx 6 hours before the party was to start. S2 was with me and he is attending (invited by the older siblings).</p>
<p>I smiled and said thanks for the invitation, but even though I would love to see them all again I felt very embarrassed at being invited at the last second and didn’t feel that I should attend.</p>
<p>Would you have attended? I did send cards/checks with S2.</p>
<p>Probably if I didn’t have plans already. Sounds like she was being nice and trying to be inclusive, may have thought other people would be happy to see you. We attended a graduation party last weekend and there were friends of the parents there who didn’t have kids the same age as the graduate(as well as some kids).</p>
<p>I would have attended if I didn’t have anything else to do and was up for a party. I wouldn’t feel obligated to go, though, or feel bad if I decided not to go.</p>
<p>Why were you embarrassed? Maybe seeing you reminded her of the oversight. Maybe she could only manage a certain number of guests and realized she now had room for more. Why not assume her best intent. It’s a party. </p>
<p>Agree with the above posters, Main thing is not to DWELL You made your choice and the party is over, so move forward and don’t give it much more thought and concern than it deserves.</p>
<p>Is it at all possible that she thought that you would’ve understood that the invitation to your S was really an invitation to the whole family and she was simply further extending that invitation to you today to make sure that you understood that you, and not just your S, were invited? </p>
<p>She might have thought (ahead of time) that you wouldn’t have wanted to go, but seeing you made her spontaneously realize how much she’d like you there. I don’t see a slight here.</p>
<p>No, I would not have attended. I think it gives the host way too much power to casually throw out an invitation a few hours before the party starts. It also signals that you have nothing going on socially on a Saturday evening. I guess I have learned that you do indeed “teach people how to treat you” and I would hope to be treated with a little more respect by my friends and casual acquaintances. The only caveat I would add is that this can be a regional thing. We are currently living out West and people are way more causal with this sort of thing. But still, 6 hours before the party is pushing it in my book no matter where you live.</p>
Wow, I don’t need to spend a lot of time teaching people how to treat me, unless I’ve been burned multiple times by them before. I always assume the best of people and people upthread have given any number of scenarios for possible reasons. The best party I ever had was on a Sunday when I ended up with a large number of leftovers from a Saturday party for dh’s lab. I called all my friends and asked if they’d like to come over. </p>
<p>Our extended family has had MANY, many last minute events with no more than a few hours notice and nearly always there is an excellent turnout. Of course, it’s nice if more notice can be given, but if we want to be together, I tend not to take offense even if I am added or invited at the last minute. If I didn’t want to attend, I’d have no qualms turning down the invitation, but if I wanted to attend, I’d certainly go and enjoy. I guess that’s the type of person I am and unlikely to change any time soon. :)</p>
<p>My folks, family, and friends are free to call me at any time (even just before we start a meal) and check to see what we have planned. When and where we can get together, we do and all enjoy it. My social life tends not to be overly crowded–I prefer it that way.</p>
<p>“Signals you have nothing going on socially on a Saturday evening”??? So? Is this some kind of shameworthy state? I rarely have something going on any evening. I sure wouldn’t feel embarrassed to have someone know that.</p>
<p>Some of the best things we have done have been last minute/spur of the moment things. I don’t see a slight here at all. If I had no other loans, I would have gone for a short while anyway.</p>
<p>If you want to attend attend, all these social protocols can be too overwhelming at times. Think of the fun seeing your son and his friends celebrating.</p>
<p>Life is too short to worry about a friends motivation.
Go & have a great time.
And if you didnt go, maybe you can get together on parents weekend at your sons school!</p>
<p>I can understand the last minute invitation for parties that are put together at the last minute or even family parties where it is just understood that everyone is welcome. Neither of these is the case here. I think sometimes a last minute invitation is just what it appears to be - it can imply you were a last minute consideration. But for many years I lived in a community where invitations were sent out for even causal BBQ’s. So it would have been pretty clear what was going on if I had been invited hours before. </p>
<p>Around here, graduation parties are open houses which are pretty casual. While family and some more distant friends get formal invites, most are invited through a Facebook event. I definitely ran into people within the last week before the party and encouraged them to drop by. I also made sure (kind of at the last minute) that whole families realized we wanted them there even if we only extended the Facebook invite to their kids (because my son did that part or they aren’t on Facebook personally!) </p>