<p>Good luck to you and your family in the coming weeks. You’ll be surprised that amidst the sea of emotions that will be swirling around, there will be tremendous inner strength and family connectedness that will get you through. It seems that both my son and my husband, who have never really been that supportive or sensitive to me have really tried to be…and that has made my burden easier. And, since I’m in better control of me, I find that I am better able to accommodate them. Hence, we all get stronger in the process and can carry on.</p>
<p>Thank you so much for your good advice. I’ve always found it difficult to gently discount life’s difficulties, though I’ve gotten better with age. I appreciate your reminding me that I need to continually work on those skills to help DS complete a successful launch. Sage</p>
<p>I think that while we know our feelings, we’re not quite prepared when our dear children react with tears at departure time, especially when they’ve been a trifle (to put it mildly) difficult of late. When we brought DS to college, his words were similar to those of your son…he was somewhat excited to be going to college, but would much rather have stayed home with us. As you know, it’s pretty tough to say good-bye (if even for just a time) and initiate the separation/individuation process when we’d much rather have them at home and little forever (ah the sweet memories). But we do what we do because it’s destiny for all of us. Thanks for your kind and thoughtful words. Sage</p>
<p>Thanks for your support. I know how difficult it was for you and your family to separate from your child. The pain is exquisite.</p>
<p>Our son never transitioned well either. He always liked the status quo. And, despite all the recent rebellion, he always loves being home in the nest.</p>
<p>I’m glad your child has done so well; it must be a tremendous relief for you.</p>
<p>Best wishes to you. You all have given me so much good advice and courage.</p>
<p>Thanks again, Sage. Your post brought tears to my eyes. I find myself close to tears so often lately. Tonight I layed down new rules for my son…get up before noon or I’m not cooking for you…there’s food in the house and he can get his own meals for the entire day if he’s not up by noon. He immediately set two alarms! He does not want to miss out on mom’s cooking. Then I sat down and told him how much I’m going to miss him & had a good cry. He came and put his arm around my shoulder & told me he’ll miss me too. He also told me that the reason he’s been staying up so late is to talk with a girl he met on-line. I asked where she was that he’d need to be up until 5 a.m. (he’s been learning Japanese this summer, much to my surprise so I thought maybe she was in Japan), but apparently the girl is in Washington. I tried not to over react. He says she’s his age and has a boyfriend so its nothing really. They just like to talk. I think I really needed to talk to someone abou this - I should have started a different thread perhaps.<br>
You’re so lucky your DS stays in touch! My son was away for two summers & I had to beg and plead for him to call me. Though he promises me that he’ll call me from college.
This process is so amazing. Letting go of our children. I don’t think I ever realized how moving this period of my life would be. How often, I find myself in tears. How often I find myself smiling at the thought of my son, being an adult and wondering how he will change the world.</p>
<p>Thanks for your forward-thinking advice. I have tried to be very upbeat about his new life. However, I think I will find moving away into mine a bit more challenging and slow. I’m frankly quite tired out from the years of raising this child that has always needed more. So, I think that I will slowly regroup, reorganize, and take some time out just to be. I have an elderly parent, who will increasingly become the focus of a good share of my time and energies. I want to be peaceful for a time and listen to my soul’s longing. I’ve been very driven and goal-oriented my entire life, I am leaving myself open to hearing other voices to direct me.</p>
<p>Thanks very much for your insight. It is very much appreciated. Sage</p>
<p>There you’ve gone and done it – :O) – my eyes are filled with tears over your beautiful post.</p>
<p>For sure, homecooking will have no effect on my son. While I once loved to cook, in recent years I’ve just been too wrapped around the axle. We often kid about it.</p>
<p>I encourage you to start your thread…there are so many of us wounded parents around this time of year that it would be cathartic. One thread never does it all, because what we’re feeling is really quite diverse and amazing.</p>
<p>I’m sorry that your DS hasn’t been easy to communicate with…kids come in all varieties. I think that I was more like your son when I was growing up…I guess I was a big dumb happy puppy, bumbling my way along life’s path not thinking too much about how my absence would affect mom and dad. It didn’t take too many years to realize how much it hurt my parents, and since that epiphany we shared a very emotionally close relationship until my dad died in 1992. My mom’s still around and even though we aren’t as good a personality match as my dad and I were, we are still very close and committed to each other. Sometimes the bonding is longer in coming, but it probably is all the more sweet, because it has been so desired for such a long time. Believe me, it will come…and will have been worth the wait.</p>
<p>Yes, this time in our lives is very special indeed…quite amazing. Earlier this year, when we were going through what seemed like hell on earth with our son and our family was awash with doubts about his future and ours, I came across some words that comforted me greatly. And, although I cannot remember them exactly, they expressed the most wonderful notion that we as parents only get to see the early spring and maybe summer of our children’s lives. We do not live to see them reach the pinnacle of their existence. So, the author exhorted parents not to despair over their children because they are in their early years incomplete works. The author encouraged parents to be hopeful for their children’s later years…and reminded parents that what we see now is not what our children can and will become. We, after all, have laid a tremendous groundwork for them (the water and the fertilizer) that will help them develop over many years into sound and wonderful adults, who as you say, will change the world.</p>