<p>I guess I’m having a hard time understanding what all the worry is with ‘late-bloomers’? Is it the dating scene? Or just being able to have a full, active social life that parents are worried about? If we’re talking about kids who are sitting at home, with no friends, or are not engaging in any kind of social activities, then I might see the concern. But why are parents trying to define what our kids need or who they are once they are out of college, and getting so worried about it?</p>
<p>D1 has more fun than anyone I know, but has never had a serious boyfriend. She’s always on the go, having a blast, i.e., a couple of weeks ago they had adult night at the Boston Children’s Museum, and she was there with a group of friends, some who are in long-term relationships, and some who are not. Or she’s at the beach, or lake, or concerts. She’s in a bowling league with others from her alma mater. She’s having a great time in life… sometimes I’m truly jealous of all the opportunities she has. D2, on the other hand, in a serious relationship and very happy, doesn’t seem to do all these kinds of things as much, partly because of her SO’s work schedule - mostly nights. So there are aspects of each of their lives I envy, but I wouldn’t say one is necessarily happier than the other. They’re just different people.</p>
<p>I agree.
Our kids that are adults, they have the right to choose what direction their life takes.
Expecting them to have a sig other, because it will make us feel more comfortable, is wrong.
Some things we need to let go of, because they are not our responsibility & they will happen in their own time.</p>
<p>Many of us grew up with the expectation that to be an adult, you get married and have a family.
I don’t think our kids have the same expectations. For instance, while my oldesr is married, I dont believe they are interested in ever having kids. They have nephews and a niece, and friends with kids, and that is plenty.</p>
<p>I think many of us would be better off, if we had listened closer to what * we wanted*, than to what our peers & relatives expected.
I know I wish I would have, but I took the long road to find out who I was.</p>
<p>I’m just sharing my kids situation but really not worry about it. My philosophy has always been that I’d rather they are happy and single than unhappy and not single.</p>
<p>According to my daughter, all those kids who dated in high school and college they all went to match.com or something equivalent to find post-college boyfriend/girl friend. Only one of my daughter’s ex-roommate found his girlfriend through synagogue?</p>
<p>I find it odd so many parents feel one NEEDS to have dating/relationship experience in HS. </p>
<p>I don’t agree, especially considering most parents in my old neighborhood who wanted better for their kids than teen parenthood or dropping out and working 3 minimum wage jobs to make ends meet strongly discouraged dating in HS to avoid those issues. </p>
<p>Also, most members of my extended family didn’t marry until late 30s and up…including the women and all are in happy stable marriages on a solid financial footing. </p>
<p>A couple were second marriages after failed first marriages which in my impression were made partially due to parental pressures to marry before their kids were ready for it. Worst case was a male who wasn’t ready in his mid-20s, divorced after a few years, got blamed by his parents/older relatives for the “failure”, and after a few decades…was finally ready and is much happier with a daughter. </p>
<p>One great thing about observing the older cousins in this respect…many good lessons on when to IGNORE or even BLOW OFF older relatives who insistently badger single younger relatives about dating and marriage. </p>
<p>Especially considering the ones who must live in the marriage is the individuals within the relationship…not the parents and parent-in-laws and other relatives. </p>
<p>I see young people from all areas with varied educations and careers almost all waiting to date and get married-if they do. Of the 9 cousins 17-30 in my own family, only 1 did/is dating seriously in HS. Only 2 have live-in partners, none are married, none have kids. The two with partners did not meet them in HS or college. At my youngest’s HS only a few “date”. They go out in groups. I’m rather glad there’s not as much of a rush to get married settle down and have kids these days, nor that many of our generation feel completed in some way until we have grandchildren. I saw upthread mention of someone being considered at late bloomer at 20. REALLY?? At that age they still can’t decide what to wear that day. And there’s a concern because they’re not settling down yet. Yeesh.</p>
<p>Perhaps it varies by area. I don’t know a single person in my grad program who hasn’t been in a relationship- the majority are in long-term relationships. I only knew one person in undergrad (my roommate) who didn’t date- but she identifies as asexual and isn’t attracted to anyone. </p>
<p>When I was in HS (I graduated in 09) almost all of my friends had relationships and we certainly all dated. I think we’re all pretty successful.</p>
<p>Agreed. I’ve noticed people are expected to be in relationships and married at much younger ages in rural areas of the US and in the Midwest/South for cultural and/or religious reasons. </p>
<p>In contrast, in the urban NE, getting married before one’s late 20’s IME tends to be regarded as unusually young. </p>
<p>In areas like my old neighborhood, it was regarded as a sign a given couple were teen parents, they were highly religious and socially conservative, and/or the families didn’t prioritize education very highly. </p>
<p>Somewhat understandable considering most who married early…especially early 20s and before in my old neighborhood tended to fall into one or more groups. This included kids who were older counselors at an after school program I was in or teacher’s assistants at my Catholic elementary school. </p>
<p>You know what happens, right, when they develop these “serious” relationships in hs? Of course, happens when it isn;t serious, too. But give them time to get their heads screwed on. </p>
<p>Of my kids and 15 nieces and nephews (ages 9-30+), one is married, one has been dating the same girl now for about 6 years (since HS), two are dating boys they met via internet (sisters of the married niece), one nephew has a casual GF from SR year of HS. All the rest are (as far as we know), unattached. No one has announced any engagement either. We parents, aunts, uncles and grandparents are all fine with the state of things. None of the kids dated much in HS or even in college, to the best of our knowledge.</p>
<p>No… I don’t. I had a serious relationship in HS (freshman year of HS to sophomore year of college). What happens? </p>
<p>My fiance’s brother met a wonderful woman through a Catholic dating site. He’s in his mid-late 20s and they seem very happy. Newish relationship and certainly no wedding bells, but online dating is definitely a great way to meet especially if you are post-college and work in certain fields that don’t allow much time with out people your age (he’s a hs teacher) </p>
<p>Oh, yes, lookingforward. I do know what happens when they develop serious relationships in high school. </p>
<p>It’s funny looking back. Who knows where I’d be right now if things didn’t end how they did. Probably engaged, or worse, married. <em>wipes brow</em> Dodged a bullet. </p>
<p>I suspect most here are not particularly concerned about whether or not our kids are dating - we are just sharing stories. I was never concerned about my kids not dating. I have two brothers and a best friend who never married, and they are happy. My kids can do whatever they want with their lives - all I want is for them to be happy, and I am sure we all want our kids to be happy. I am guessing that is why you are panicked, Mainelonghorn. (Hugs to you.)</p>
<p>I think my son was 24 when he met his s/o. My concern was he hadn’t dated enough before getting committed. She is terrific person, so I wish them the best. They’ve weathered many stresses, including long-distances between them.</p>
<p>We worry because we want them to be happy and we don’t want them to wind up alone. </p>
<p>Some of you all have touched on the fact that the world has changed since we were young. People marry later, more people never marry, more people never have children. We want to see our kids “settled”—that’s what my parents would call it—before we die. We’d like to have grandchildren to enjoy before we get too old. </p>
<p>Sex and relationships are a natural part of life, especially the lives of young people, who are busily sorting all this out. These are the peak sorting years. We worry that a child won’t have enough good choices, or won’t have the experience and judgment to make a good choice. </p>
<p>I have a relative who is precisely the kind of boy we worry about. No high school girlfriend. One college relationship, short lived. He went into a very male profession and found a good job in a small, family-oriented town where he was unlikely to meet anyone. (Thank God for the internet! This isn’t such a limiter.) Lots of worry about him by his folks. There is a happy ending: he went to a college reunion at age forty and reunited with an old friend. They were married within the year. She has kids from a previous marriage, but there will be no new kids. </p>
If the high school and the college in this statement is swapped, this describes my child.</p>
<p>He is trying to get out of the situation after college (still in school.) He seems to believe that it is usually better to find his SO while he is still at school. But there is some challenge if he “settles down” before graduation also: They may not end up at a different city when they find their job. What should they do then if this happens? (This is a real possibility for the girl he is dating now. But he decides not to think too much about it at this stage of development.) Because of his previous not-so-pleasant LDR experience, he somehow believes that only the super Christians (he’s not) can survive LDR over an extended time period.</p>
<p>When he was in high school, I believe most of his high school friends did not have girlfriend/boyfriends. Actually, I think a half of them had never dated by the time they graduated from high school. I guess the people who are alike in this aspect tend to cluster together.</p>