This reminds me of two suitemates DS told us about at one time. Let’s call them suitemates J and G. I was not told how J behaved when he was with females. But he was considered by most male suitemates as being selfish and a borderline jerk. An example was that he was not willing to clean the suite when it was his turn to do so. He even had the guts to tell his suitemates that because he took more courses, he did not have time to do that - as if he should be allowed to be exempt from this chore and others should do it for him just because he is better than others in academics. (He was the one who messed up the toilet the most because he kept forgetting flush the toilet after use!) He appears to be more aggressive and ambitious in everything by his nature. At one time, he almost got into a fight with another suitemate (not G) for the same girl and stopped talking to that suitemate for the rest of that year. He requested to transfer to another residential college (likely nobody wants to room with him?) But he soon claimed that he could not get along with anybody in his new residential college, so he had no choice but kept crash his girlfriend’s dorm room in his old residential college, causing a lot of inconvenience to the suitemates of his girlfriend. (His girlfriend let him do this unless they had a fight with each other - actually they had a fight with each other quite often.) The gentleman will be the last word you would use to describe him.</p>
<p>I mentioned G because, when that girlfriend had a fight with J, she would be a “temp or short-term girlfriend” of G. She refused to go out with G (like a date) as a couple, likely having a concern that they might be seen by J or somebody else who knows J and would tell J about it. G was interested in having the official dates with her in addition to just “hook up”. Actually, she also accused G that he was only interested in sex with her, even though he genuinely wanted to be her official BF. Whenever J came back to her, she would immediately abandon G and went back to J. Most suitemates were sympathetic to the situation G was put in and advised him to get out that almost non-existent relation. It may be telling that J became a lawyer and G a teacher now. (Most male friends would consider G as a “nice guy” and very intellectual (he has some “hard” but “useless” major from laymen’s point of view…) I guess being a “nice guy” but not having enough ambition in term of pursuing a “acceptable” future career is not attractive in the eyes of some female. – One of my old (male) colleagues told me that this is the case for most females in BYU. No female at that religious college would be associated with a guy who does not have an ambition of pursuing an acceptable career.</p>
<p>He indeed still does not have any income. His school does not allow him (and every student in that program) to work. So, yes, the money does come from us and from his “future income.” What can parents do when their child takes such a long time to just break into a career? (I would guess it could take almost a decade post-college.) Actually, I think his accumulated student loans have just reached 6 figures! (And he is lucky to be at a school that would help shoulder more than a third of the total cost. - definitely not as generous as than college’s The total cost would be 320K. This may be the reason why he has a concern whenever he spends money which is a little more than usual and he thinks he had to tell us - so that he would not feel so “guilty” about it. But we as parents really want him to have some dating experience - and with some luck, he may find “the one”.)</p>
<p>Not all women are high-maintenance. I was fortunate enough to date many who were very reasonable and acted in a manner which made me remember such dates as positive memories even if they didn’t lead to a LTR. </p>
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<p>If the guy was doing the asking and initiated the idea of eating at a high-end restaurant, I’d agree the onus is on him. </p>
<p>However, I am not inclined to agree the onus is on him if the guy/BF has made his financial position clear to the date/GF beforehand and she still insists on eating out several times/week or worse, dining at high-end establishments. </p>
<p>Regarding paying for dates, I am of the mind if I do the inviting, I should pay for everything…and not begrudge or even think about the expense at that moment*. </p>
<p>If finances are a concern,…I’d rather make up any perceived shortfalls by budgeting/cutting back on spending on myself. </p>
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<li>I’d rather plan that into my monthly/yearly budget beforehand or if it comes up, have ways of cutting corners on other areas of discretionary spending so there’s no perceived shortfall.<br></li>
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<p>When I think of CTTC’s question again, I actually wonder that, when a student still does not have any income, to what extent would parents help pay for their child’s date?</p>
<p>Even at the college level, when the child has been “up to his neck” in order to maintain that super high GPA and the long list of ECs required for getting into the program, will you still ask your child to “pull him/herself up” by earning enough disposable income first before considering the date? The initial phase of dating will cost money, in my guess (but I do not have much direct experience with the cost aspect of it because DS actually had zero experiences on it in college.)</p>
<p>This is my take on going on dating and spending money. I believe, as my boyfriend’s girlfriend, I am not entitled to have him spend money on me. I don’t demand he takes me out to dinners. We are college students and the same would apply to a relationship after college. Save your money on necessary things. If he wants to spend money on me, I’ll let him. The same goes for me with him. If we want to spend time with each other, whoever suggested the idea general pays or it’s a give-and-take. I drive and he pays for dinner or he pays for this trip and I’ll get the next one. </p>
<p>I’m sure some women will disagree and say their boyfriends need to do this, this, and this each month or else, but to me a relationship is an enjoyable thing that one or both partners shouldn’t be pressured into uncomfortable circumstances. </p>
<p>Not all women are high maintenance-however. The same problem looms for girls as does guys-some nice girls are a little awkward, shy and self conscious as are guys. Some guys also exhibit one of the five qualities which makes them unattractable to some girls</p>
<p>Don’t necessarily buy the gentleman thing to be a" virus". Most guys can at least date a little bit even if they are “nice” and they are looked upon pretty favorably. What some girls like though is a guy who can put his foot down and be aggressive when need be-and a sweetheart at times too. No one likes a doormat.</p>
<p>No romantic cheap date ideas? I don’t remember any big spender dates from college or high school, but I do remember the boy who wrote me a song and the boy who located and rented a super obscure movie for us to watch. I married the one who moved heaven and earth to make it to the airport in time to kiss me good bye at the end of the summer. </p>
<p>This reveals my own romanticism for sure. I can remember the exhilaration of first love and want my kids to experience the same strong emotion. The irony is that there is a thread running parallel to this one about a long term marriage breaking up. I find that to be terribly sad, but even sadder not to have gone through that relationship.</p>
<p>Back to my late marrying relation: The woman he picked was not what any of the family would have chosen for him. But they have been together for ten years now and his life is much richer for being with her. Their relationship isn’t perfect; I can tell he gets annoyed with her and he may miss his bachelor days. I have seen him become the master of the small gesture, too, though. He has become very good at finding just the right tiny gifts for her—not expensive, to go back to the start of this post, but very fitting. </p>
<p>Those traits with the possible exception of #5 tend to drive off anyone who is well-adjusted, regardless of the gender of either party. If someone has those issues, he/she needs to work them out with WILLING friends and/or a therapist on their own before going on the dating scene. </p>
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<p>I can think of plenty of genuinely nice ones…a walk in a park/beach on a nice spring/summer day with some stops for drinks/light snacks and/or dinner at a hole-in-the-wall restaurant being one good example.</p>
<p>“Even at the college level, when the child has been “up to his neck” in order to maintain that super high GPA and the long list of ECs required for getting into the program, will you still ask your child to “pull him/herself up” by earning enough disposable income first before considering the date? The initial phase of dating will cost money, in my guess (but I do not have much direct experience with the cost aspect of it because DS actually had zero experiences on it in college.)”</p>
<p>No. DS is 19. He met his GF this year at college. When kids have SO’s in college they don’t have to spend a lot of money. While he does pay for her sometimes others times she pays. He has some spending money per week and how he decides to spend it is his business. He can use it to go out with his friends, buy a book ,fast food or spend it on her. </p>
<p>Cobrat, nice ideas. A museum on a free day, a picnic; on one of our first dates in grad school, DH took me to a U concert, jazz piano, I think, at student rates. At the time, that was probably $6 each. I’m not fond of jazz but I was plenty fond of him. Even when you’re a little older, you can make use of what the local U offers.</p>
<p>Just don’t be too cheap, because it could be your last date. I remember somebody took me to go hiking and I had to use portable toilet. I still don’t like portable toilets, it was disgusting.</p>
<p>It’s not the guy’s fault that you had to use a portable toilet. Poor choice of place for someone who isn’t willing to use the available “places”, though. </p>
<p>Plus, the local Us…especially well-off private ones tend to have functions with plenty of free food. :)</p>
<p>While visiting a college friend at one such institution, they had so much leftover fruit, cheese, sliced sausage/ham slices, and bread/crackers we ended up having an impromptu free community meal out of it. </p>
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<p>Or as I suggested to one friend who was complaining of the constant demands of his high-maintenance GF, “You can have a joke date by having them both dress up for the Staten Island landfill” when it still existed. :D</p>