Legal Issues Re: Child Living with Family

Parent Cafe
1

<p>My S gf is going through some serious family issues. Her father is involved in some illegal activities that make me fear for her safety and well-being. She is not being abused, but her family has given her an ultimatum to help with the (illegal) family business or move out. I am not interested in turning her family into law enforcement, but I am willing to offer my home to her while in high school. </p>

<p>Her family is willing to give us some money to help support her, but has no intention of signing over parental rights. She is only 15, so I doubt she would be granted emancipation. My DH is happy to put her on his health plan and we will be able to afford another teenager. What we want to do is be able to have some rights legally regarding health care, enrolling her in high school, being a legal emergency contact, etc. I am sure that I am not the first person to be in this situation. What should I be aiming for legally? Do I want to be named her guardian? Does Child Protective Services or the Social Services have to be involved? I am worried that her parents will not allow her to come live with us if we bring in the authorities, and they would not agree to having law enforcement digging into their lives. </p>

<p>I intend to discuss things with a lawyer in my own state, but hate to go in blind. CC parents have so much wisdom, so I thought i would start here.</p>

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<p>Possibly she can apply to have you appointed as a legal guardian?</p>

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<p>[Colorado</a> Legal Guardianship | Child Legal Guardian Colorado | Harris Family Law](<a href=“Request Rejected”>Guardianship | Child Custody Lawyer in Colorado)</p>

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<p>It seems that there can be all kinds of complications from you inviting your S’s 15 y/o GF to live in your home and even more if you’re the legal guardian. Besides the obvious (pregnant GF due to a tremendous amount of opportunity), there’s also the issue of what if your S and the GF want to break up and one or the other or both want to see other people? It’ll cause all kinds of drama in your home and IMO isn’t fair to your S or the GF to force them into a situation like this. You’ll also likely have lots of issues with discipline with her since you’re not her parents so she won’t want to listen to you, and related issues.</p>

<p>If this is really an issue for the GF, and keep in mind you may only be getting one side of the story and a potentially inaccurate one, it seems she’d be better off moving in with an actual relative - grandparent, aunt, uncle.</p>

<p>This has ‘disaster’ printed all over it IMO despite the fact that you’re trying to do a very nice thing.</p>

4

<p>I agree about the red flags, but I really can’t stand back and watch her get into trouble with her family. </p>

<p>The intention is to have her move in to a spare bedroom in the house (so hopefully no pregnancies). DS is going to college next year and I don’t doubt that they will break up, though it will be amicable. </p>

<p>I am not opposed to going through social services, but wonder what I should be expecting. She can’t move in with family as most live in Columbia or Mexico. She is a US citizen and I want her to continue to have opportunities. We are also looking at applying to the boearind school for gifted students in Indiana, but that is only for juniors and seniors.</p>

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<p>She is not being physically abused and will not be taken away form CPS unless she walks into a police station and turns her parents in. That is not going to happen. Her father would be deported and her mother would have no way of picking up the pieces on her own. </p>

<p>Think about it this way, if someone kicked their child out of the house for something (being gay, pregnant, atheist) what should the family do that takes in that child? I can’t walk away morally, and I am not willing to force a child to send her parent back to prison. She needs a place to live, but I want to make it as legal as possible.</p>

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<p>Let’s think about this - what kind of parent would hand their child over to someone else in this scenario? Not someone who values the well being of their child.</p>

<p>I get why you are offering a safe haven. </p>

<p>I don’t think you can put her on your insurance if she isn’t legally yours. If they don’t want to give up legal rights, I don’t know if you can get something like what we sign when we send our kids to camps or things - that give them legal right to obtain medical help.</p>

<p>But what about things like signing notes for field trips, choosing class schedule, absences from school, etc. Are you comfortable asking the parents about doing something for you in those instances? </p>

<p>I think I would call a lawyer who specializes in family law and without divulging names, get an appointment asking about what you can do to protect yourselves and have some rights that you’d need.</p>

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<p>Wow they will pay you to take her but if she stays she has to do illegal actinides. That doesn’t even make sense. And she’s 15 and your son is 17 or 18? Are they sexually active? Not sure what age difference in your state is, but I would check.</p>

<p>If they have money to pay you why does she have to participate in the illegal activities? Are there other children in the home?</p>

<p>If not and depending on the crimes, i might feel the need to report, legal immigrants or not, if they are willing to toss a 15 year old out on the street. </p>

<p>Something about the story just isn’t making sense</p>

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<p>seahorse, no they are not sexually active. </p>

<p>She is the youngest, and they have no other minors. They say they will pay for the “bare minimum” which means food/board but I truthfully don’t expect a dime. I just don’t want her to be considered my dependent when college comes around. She is very bright but DS will be a junior and we really can 't afford two college students. My own DS is Pell-eligible if that explains the money situation .</p>

<p>They have some money but are using these illegal activities to encourage this girl to “join the family business”. I am still determined that it will not happen. </p>

<p>Seahorsesrock, her family is not poor, just criminal…So can’t believe I just wrote that…</p>

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<p>I have no clue, but it seems to me the kind of authority you want is similar to a family hosting a foreign exchange student. You might pursue it from that angle, (not claiming she is a fx student, just finding out how it is dealt with)</p>

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<p>I guess I’m a bad person because I wouldn’t allow my son’s high school sweetheart to move into my house. It would pose too many problems. While I would love to help the girl, my priorities are focused on my immediate family.</p>

<p>Things to think about:</p>

<p>—surprise pregnancy thus locking my son into a lifetime situation
—the strange new dynamic of having an unrelated teenage girl living in my house
—subliminal pressure put on son to stay in the relationship because of the bond you’re forming with the girl
—if son breaks up with the girl, he’s going to come home from college during the year and will have to deal with the weirdness of his ex girlfriend living in his home and strongly bonded to his Mom and Dad
—bringing in the drama of her family’s illegal activity into your home
—and so many other things</p>

<p>She’s not being abused or neglected by her family. It may be best to act as her mentor. If she confides in you about needing help getting out of the situation, contact the authorities. With your guidance, you can help her contact the right agencies. Honestly, I wouldn’t shed a drop of tears if the father and other family members involved in criminal activities were deported. She and her mother will find a way to survive without them.</p>

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<p>great idea! NJres. I am going to actively pursue her acceptance into the gifted program in IN at Ball State, so it may only be a year.</p>

<p>I will continue to seek advice, Battlo, even though I may be out of my league, I have to try. I can’t let her learn the hard way</p>

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<p>My ex moved in with us at 16 because of various issues with his family (I was 15). He lived on and off with us until he was 20. We didn’t do anything regarding legal guardianship but we did all have a conference with the school (him, my family, and his sperm donor). They declared him homeless (he had been in contact with a school social worker about what was going on in his home life well before this happened) and the school made a lot of accommodations based on that. When he started cc, he was declared independent for FAFSA purposes because of his homeless status.</p>

<p>Honestly, I would let her move in. If her family is ok with it and you guys are ok with it, then let it happen. However, you need to make sure that you’re ok with her staying if they break up because you can’t take her in and kick her out- she’d probably be worse off. </p>

<p>You can also contact a lawyer that deals with guardianship issues to ask them what the best course of action would be. </p>

<p>I hope it all works out. <em>hugs</em> to you and your big heart :).</p>

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<p>If she is just living with you, she will not be considered your dependent. You mention possible emancipation for her. This is NOT an easy process and she would have to show a reason for this. I’m not a lawyer but if the parents do not give up their rights, I don’t see how you could put her on your insurance. In addition, when college time comes, she will still be considered a dependent of theirs and will have to report their financial info on the financial application forms…unless she is declared homeless. However if she is not really homeless I’m not sure how this could really happen.</p>

<p>Certainly if you feel comfortable doing so, offer her a safe haven. But if it were me, I would make it a temporary one until other arrangements can be made.</p>

14

<p>MizzBee, good for you for putting the needs of this girl first. You clearly are a kind person and I hope it works out for all of you. We did something similar with a BF of one of my Ds several years ago but he was older so we didn’t face the same kinds of issues that you will face with a 15 year old. Our situation also didn’t involve illegal activities but rather severe mental illness in his home. It was a very difficult situation but even though they eventually broke up, I know it was the right thing to do at the time for the well-being of that young man. I think that worries that some expressed about the possibility of pregnancy aren’t a reason not to do this. If kids are going to have sex, they’re going to do it whether or not they’re living under the same roof. It’s naive to think otherwise.</p>

<p>Does the school she attends have a social worker? If so, that might be a resource for you. Or if you happen to know a lawyer, see if you can get a referral to one who handles family law in your state to see if there are any particular issues you should be aware of, once she’s living with you.</p>

<p>Best of luck to you.</p>

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<p>What about ability to register for school? Authority to sign permission slips?</p>

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<p>I’m hearing all kinds of alarm bells. An unrelated adult simply cannot make medical or educational decisions for someone else’s child. Similarly, you can’t just add someone to your health insurance. The CHILd needs a lawyer, not the OP? The OP is assuming she has the best plan for the child and that may not be the case. As others have pointed out, a young teen living with her BFs parents presents some complications. </p>

<p>IMO, the OP needs to direct the child to whatever social service resources exist in her state to help the child. I wouldn’t want to entangle myself with a family thats already involved in criminal activity - they’re making it very clear that normal behavior, rules, expectations, etc. don’t apply to them. And just think about what you’re proposing: to circumvent the system. Some would consider that to be criminal behavior. That you have altruistic intent really doesn’t matter.</p>

<p>I’m exposed, through my job, to these situations all the time and one thing I’ve learned is that people often lie. Even if the girl is telling you what she believes to be true, her family might not be forthcoming to her. In my state, there are attorneys who represent children and if they must leave their families they do have a say, at 15, as to where they will live. Look into what’s available,in your state and be very cautious about entangling yourself with this family without having gone through social services/legal system. If the other family doesn’t like it - that’s tough. You can’t abandon your child under your own terms. Children do have rights.</p>

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<p>My D has a friend who was more or less kicked out of her house for being gay. They had her admitted to a psychiatric unit earlier in the fall to help her “get over it” and while they pay for her counseling, it’s with a therapist that specializes in converting patients who think they are gay. It’s the most backwoods thing I’ve ever heard! </p>

<p>I used to really tike these people and I am sure they are still very nice, but apparently they are having none of this “gay thing” in their home. Even her brothers are shunning her. I think she is now 18, but living with another family of mutual choice in no way demands that you are financially/legally responsible for this child. However…</p>

<p>How is it that she has the choice to move or OR participate in this illegal activity. I mean ,they know you know. Honestly, I applaud your efforts here as I would be sending a very direct, but anonymous letter to the cops.</p>

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<p>Do the GF’s parents know that you know about the illegal activity and it’s due to the illegal activity that you’re willing to take in their D who they offered you some financial assistance for? Have you discussed all of this with the parents? If not, are you getting the entire story from her or through your S? I’d be pretty wary about getting just one side of this story and certainly wouldn’t take an extreme action like taking her in without fearing the full story from both sides.</p>

<p>If you’re getting it all from her I’d seriously question it and regardless, you shouldn’t ‘take her in’ without a serious face to face discussion with the parents. If you just take her in without the written permission by the parents it seems that you could be liable for all kinds of legal issues. </p>

<p>If you had a discussion with her parents did you mention the illegal activity to them and if so what’d they say? If you didn’t mention it, why not?</p>

<p>The whole story doesn’t sound right. Make sure you’re not succumbing to some kind of 15 y/o girl drama that might not be what’s being portrayed.</p>

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<p>Mizzbee - You are kind to take this girl into your home. I understand that you may want some legal guardianship over the girl, but given the circumstances that you describe, I don’t think it will be possible. The family is unlikely to officially sign anything and apparently they live close by. Does she live in the current school district? Will she be changing schools? If so, you will need legal documentation, but again, are unlikely to get it. However, as others have suggested, I would see a lawyer or at least the high school guidance councelor. </p>

<p>I am also unsure why your DH would need to put the girl on his health care insurance, as her own family’s coverage can be used, she just needs her own card that can be ordered from the insurance company. If something serious were needed, her family would want to be involved anyway. Have her parents take her for her annual physical after June 1st and she should be good for the remaining part of the year. If the issue is that she doesn’t have health insurance, well that is a different issue. You would need to become her legal gaurdian, and you already know that is not going to happen. Maybe you could have her family give you $1000 up front for medical needs that you will keep in a separate account to cover non serious expenses. Otherwise, I think it is better for you not to have guardianship, as they would then be responsible for medical expenses. Your DH just can’t add someone who is not his legal guardian to his policy. </p>

<p>I think the parents can sign a piece of paper that simply states that you can sign permission slips for them and what not. That should not be hard to arrange with the school guidance councelor. However, more than that is not going to really happen. Taking her in does put you at risk to a certain degree. I don’t think that her family is going to help you alleviate that risk. Go see a lawyer and understand what your risks would be and then make your choices. Good luck. Personally, I’d take her in and let the chips fall where they may. There is only so much CYA you can do in this world and it is really never enough!</p>

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<p>As others have mentioned, there are 2 sides of the story and you may nto be getting the full story. While your heart may be in the right place, I would not take the young girl in as it may present too many problems, implications for your family.</p>

<p>You seem to want to have it both ways; you want the child out of her situation but you don’t want the people whose job it is to assist her to work with her.</p>

<p>You state that the child’s family is involved with illegal activities, yet you want to take her in. Why would you want to risk or expose your family to possible conspiracy charges/acting in concert or some other possible danger if something goes wrong or her family comes under investigation.</p>

<p>If the parents are not willing to give you legal guardianship over the child, and the child stays in your house, anytime that they ask her to come home and she does not, the parents can call the cops to your home. Do you really want that hanging constantly over your head?</p>

<p>While you say right now that they are not sexually active, you cannot assure that they won’t be especially living under your roof? Remember a 15 year old can not give consent, putting your son in a position to be charged with statutory rape.</p>

<p>She would be better served going to an agency that helps homeless youth, who will be able to help her with the emancipation process if she chooses to be emancipated from her family or can document the fact that she is an unaccompanied minor, should she need this documentation for professional judgement or to be declared independent when she does file for financial aid.</p>

<p>If you do not have court ordered legal guardianship of the child, you will not be able to add her to your insurance plan.</p>

<p>I would really think long and hard about this before doing this.</p>

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<p>Remember that GC’s and other school personnel are mandated reporters. If you come to the GC stating that the parent is signing the child over to you because of issues happening in the family, the GC is required to contact child protective services.</p>