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<p>That just sounds incredibly naive. You can’t be home [nor awake] every moment; they will be supplied with both ample opportunity and temptation. They are, after all, human, and presumably are attracted to each other. Personally, I’d want her on birth control before I agreed to this.</p>
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<p>That’s what we always hope. Unfortunately, it often happens in direct conflict with our desires.</p>
<p>Seriously, if they want to have sex, they’re going to do it. It’s really not difficult.Living together isn’t going to make it easier. That is the least worrisome part of this whole thing.</p>
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<p>While I agree that where there is a will, there is a way, I disagree completely that living together is not going to make it easier. It will be much easier. I think the prudent thing to do would be to make sure she is on birth control. JMHO.</p>
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I disagree. Opportunity is definitely a factor - like having chocolate available in the house for those late night cravings. I’m not saying they wouldn’t partake if they really wanted to but when they’re living together it’s more likely to happen in the first place and much more likely to happen frequently. This attitude that “oh well, it’s going to happen anyway so don’t even consider it and there’s no difference if they’re living together” makes no sense and is, IMO, very naive. With that attitude she may as well just move into his room and share the bed - after all, if anything was going to happen it’d happen anyway - right?</p>
<p>The OP has not only a duty to her S but also to the GF if she’s living under her roof to protect her including in this context.</p>
<p>OK, sorry I was away for so long. I will try to address all the excellent points made, but forgive me if I miss a few. Regarding sex in the house or at all. My 17yo S is well aware that the cost of her moving is no sex. the GF is not emotionally ready for that change in the relationship either. I am her advocate as well, and she and I have had several talks about relationships, etc. If that changes, I would take her to the dr and get her bc. </p>
<p>I have actually had several conversations with the parents. They have instructed her to tell us and others that they are letting her leave because she is not following their rules by dating outside their religion. They are unaware that I know about the illegal activities. By taking the gf out of the house it is our hope that she would no longer be liable if the activites were to be discovered. GF will not turn her family in for illegal activities, and going through the social worker would mean mandatory reporting to law enforcement and possibly immigration. I have tried to scare the family into letting her stay with the argument that if we take her in we would need to go through the courts. So far that hasn’t scared them into letting her stay with no strings attached. She is already spending a few nights over here when she doesn’t feel safe at the house, being dropped off by her mother. She is then called to come home when the “coast is clear”. </p>
<p>If this guardianship has to go through social services, etc. I am willing to take it there.
RE: husbands health insurance. She currently has no health insurance, and if we could put her on our plan we would like to try. </p>
<p>She does live nearby, but has also been going to school in our district even though she should be going to a different school. By moving her in, she would actually be legal finally. We will be contacting a family lawyer, and gf says that their lawyer will be happy to draw up some sort of paperwork. They would prefer it all be handled through a contract and just throwing some food money our way to make it happen. They don’t want her getting so upset that she would turn them in. Going through social services and having her removed from the home is not an option. She would be on the first plane to Mexico without her consent. </p>
<p>If we don’t get guardianship, we will still probably take her in, but I will have to wait until DS leaves for college. There are no other immediate family members in the area. The last time that they kicked her our of the house when she was 13, she lived with a friend that no longer has room. Her family “forgave” her a few weeks later and she was able to move back in. </p>
<p>sybbie, you mentioned that they could call the cops to get her at a whim. That is why I want to get some sort of legal agreement. I don’t expect them to use law enforcement for anything though. They have a lot to lose if the cops even realize that they exist.</p>
<p>Actually, where I am, having her simply living with you with no legal documentation that she is you dependent would NOT entitle her to attend the public school in your region. </p>
<p>This is just another red flag, as this kid is attending a school currently without paying tuition. </p>
<p>I’m sorry, but this sounds like a situation where I would offer to direct this young lady to the proper folks who can help her, but I would not have her move into my home.</p>
<p>Your heart is good, but please cover all your bases. If you knew this was a squeaky clean prospect, in doubt you would have posted here.</p>
<p>You are aware of illegal activity and rather than report it to the police, you feel it’s right to let it continue. You seem to be rather emotionally attached to your son’s girlfriend. While it’s admirable to want to change her living situation, she is not your daughter. </p>
<p>There is something about the story presented on CC that seems to possess many holes.
Her family, teenage love, emotional attachment you have, wanting to make her your dependent, criminal activity and failure to report it, illegally remaining in the country, wrongfully attending one school district while living in another, etc. </p>
<p>Remain her mentor yet keep a bit of distance emotionally. Guide her as she makes her way through high school. If the problem gets worse, she can tell someone at school and child protective services will investigate. If they feel the situation warrants removing her from the home, then step in by offering to take her in. </p>
<p>To be blunt, focus more on your son and his transition to college. Girlfriends come and go and while we Mom’s may like some more than others, it’s important to remember they are not our daughters and it’s not our responsibility to raise them the way we see fit. </p>
<p>I’m really not as cold a person as this post may imply. I’m trying to have the OP see the situation for what it minus her emotions.</p>
<p>I really posted here because I have seen excellent legal advice and I want to go to the lawyer armed with the right questions to ask and know what options may be there up front. </p>
<p>Understand that I can in no way compel this person to go to the authorities, and would not want her thrown into the foster system unless we can be a viable option. We live in a county that has questionable foster parents. If we need to become foster parents, that is fine with me. I am happy to help her get a child advocate.</p>
<p>If I did report the illegal activity, I feel that would put my family in danger. I am not supposed to know about the illegal activity or the status of a family member. I am not going to go around calling ICE if I think someone is illegal. The family also owns a few legitimate businesses and employ 20+ people in the community. I would no more turn them into immigration than turn in my former roommate who has been here illegally from Wales for 20 years. I would rather this not turn into an immigration debate, but I know threads grow away from topic regularly. </p>
<p>What I have taken from this is that my main choices are to either take this through social services, or to try first through a family lawyer. GF should contact a family law or advocate on her own.</p>
<p>As for being emotionally attached to the g, she is a sweet girl and I have grown to love her. Obviously I am willing to have her live with our family long after she and S have broken up. My preference would be that she continue to live in her house and her parents stop their extra money-making activities, or at least leave her out of any part of it. If that can’t happen, I am not willing to let her go into the foster or juvenile justice system without help from my family.</p>
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<p>Social services does not give guardianship. to be appointed legal guardianship to be done through the family court. GF would have a guardian ad litem, who would represent her. </p>
<p>She would not be placed in legal guardianship with out the courts investigating the home and her parents, because the courts first and foremost want to keep natural families in tact. For you to become her foster parents there would have to be some action through social services and the courts where the child would have to be legally removed from the home.</p>
<p>Considering the fact that employee health benefits will make you jump through hoops to keep your own child on your health insurance, your chances of getting a child on your health insurance who is not your child and has not been placed into legal guardian ship with you is nil ( you cannot even add foster children to your plan).</p>
<p>Thanks for the medical insurance information, sybbie. I guess she could apply for state medical insurance if she were a foster child. </p>
<p>Kids get kicked out of homes all across this country on a regular basis. My family took in a gay cousin when I was a child. I am assuming now that most people just don’t take the extra steps to get any legal rights. After talking to a family lawyer we will see where to go from there.</p>
<p>^^^^I would be interested to know what the lawyer tells you. Would you be willing to share that info. in a follow up?</p>
<p>Absolutely. I am hopeful that simply calling the family into a lawyer will be enough to get them to straighten up. I have tried to get them to send her away to boarding school as well, so I am going to continue to that route.</p>
<p>Given the choice mzbee I’d encourage the boarding school option. There are so many potential downsides, and I guess in all of this I’d think your main concern should be your son. Chances are when he goes off to college he’ll be starting a whole new life. This gf is significantly younger than he is and he may still want his time with you when he calls or comes home. And he may not realize that enough yet. </p>
<p>Given their dicey background I’d be wary of getting involved with them. If they’re illegal, is she illegal also?</p>
<p>Why doesn’t she have health insurance now? </p>
<p>That is something that she needs to find out about. Many states have programs that guarantee minimum health insurance for minors. She can google CHIPS STATENAME to find a link.</p>
<p>I agree that she needs to be out of that environment. I wish you much success in helping her find a good exit.</p>
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<p>Earlier post mentioned that she is a US citizen.</p>
<p>Her health insurance issues stem from her parents not having it for themselves or their employees (at this time). Her family makes too much money to qualify for low income care, and they simply pay out of pocket for now.</p>
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You sound like a good hearted soul but you are getting yourself into a lose-lose situation. If she’s is in danger, she brings the danger to you if she comes to your house, whether directly ir indirectly. Obviously the parents must know you have some knowledge of wat’s up and why she is leavoing their home. And if you have knowledge of the illegal activity but do not report it, you are complicit and could find yourself in legal hot water down the road. Talk to an attorney IMMEDIATELY, before doing anything. Especially when bringing a minor girlfriend into the house.</p>
<p>I have never directly witnessed the illegal activity, so I feel comfortable in believing that I am safe from any prosecution should they be caught. It is one thing to be told something in cofidence by a minor child and another to witness the illegal activity directly.</p>
<p>These are questions for an attorney. I don’t think you have to witness the activity directly to have knowledge that it is ocurring. But now you are saying its hearsay from a minor. So why exactly would this family let their 15 year old come to live with you? I don’t mean that in a confrontational way, I really want to understand why this would all come about in the first place, if you aren’t supposed to know anything about the illegal behavior? Are they pretending that she “has” to get into the business or leave in order to really get her to go elsewhere so that she is safe and protected?</p>