<p>This is more of a b*itch session as I need to vent, but I would like to hear what others have to say. I might be a bit vague, so I apologize in advance.</p>
<p>My husband has had an employee for over 10 years that currently is not employed by him. She was separated from her husband and moved out of town; now she is returning to the city and to work for my husband in the next few weeks. Due to her moving and the divorce, she is short of money and has asked my husband for a small loan. According to my husband, this woman was very embarrassed to be asking for money. The amount is only $1,500 and my husband feels there will be no problem with her paying him back; I on the other hand don’t think it will be easy for her to pay back.</p>
<p>My concern, and it might sound selfish, is money has been very tight for use the last 6 months. My husband just took out a new business loan and I have been watching our spending. In the past we were able to do pretty much what we wanted; we are not rich, but comfortable. I use to be able to have a cleaning woman come in once a week; now I just have her once a month. When we eat out, which we like to do, we now go to places with coupons or split a meal. I haven’t bought new clothes the last 2 seasons, and the house has some repairs we have put on the back burner. </p>
<p>My husband feels I am objecting to the lending of the money because she is a woman. I don’t want him lending money to anyone at this time, unless it was one of our parents or our children. I guess he could have given her the money and I would have never know, so I am glad he told me about it; I am just so angry that he is going to go ahead with lending the money.</p>
<p>I have thought about telling him if he gives the woman the money, then he needs to take it out of her paycheck every month. My husband is so good hearted, that he might just increase her pay to help her out. This woman knew he would say yes, and she knows that finances have been very tight for us. I think that is what really angers me; she had the balls to ask him at this time. We have always been friendly and I have not dislike for this woman. I just think I am going to have trouble being nice to her know she put my husband in this situation.</p>
<p>Am I over reacting? I told my husband that this woman is going to have money trouble for a while and if he gives her money now, he is going to find her asking for more and more money. I also worry that if she is really hurting for money, that she might start taking from the business. I hate to think that way, but especially in this economy, people are doing things they never would have thought to do in the past.</p>
<p>There’s no way I would have loaned her the money and even if I wanted to I’d never do it without the full support of my W since a loss like this, which is what it has a good chance to end up being, would affect the family. It also can result in a lot of unnecessary drama if (when) she doesn’t pay it back and generate bad feelings between all parties - your H, this person, and you. </p>
<p>If this person needs money she should seek a loan from those in business to lend money. If her credit isn’t good enough such that they consider her too big of a risk to lend her money then why would your H? Regardless, if the money is loaned to her it should only be done so without any real expectation on your H’s part that it’ll really be paid back (kind of like loaning to family members).</p>
<p>dmd-Absolutely not, but I can see where someone might think that. This woman has been his right hand for 10+ years and they are friends with a working relationship. Believe me when I say I know where my husband is every minute!! That said, if this had been the woman that had this woman’s job 20 years ago, I would admit to being jealous of their friendship; I have no problem with this woman other than she had now put my husband in a tough spot. He will feel horrible telling her he can not lend her the money and if he does give her the money, I will not be happy.</p>
<p>You have to know my husband to know he likes to make people happy. By denying this woman’s request, he will feel bad that she is in a tough spot and he might have the opportunity to help her out. While loaning the money will not make me happy, my husband knows I will get over it and still be there for him. I don’t know if that really makes sense.</p>
<p>When I moved from Iowa to New York thirty years ago, I did what uudad above suggests: I got it from a bank. </p>
<p>A few years ago an Army general gave me a wonderful line for saying no. He said that when someone asks him to do something, he looks them straight in the face, and says: “I would love to, but I just can’t.” It works in so many situations.</p>
<p>When we last moved, it was for a job transfer. The company provided something like $5,000 in moving costs for movers, insurance and they gave us a chunk of cash outright (I believe that they covered the taxes on the cash too). This was for a short relocation. I think that they would cover up to $50,000 on something more extensive. My wife has worked for several international companies where companies did international relocations and providing significant perks to get an employee to work in a particular country was the norm. I have one relative/family where the husband and wife are both ex-pats. Their home is in Chicago even though they are both from different countries. He travels weekly from Chicago to London and back and they are well-supported by his company.</p>
<p>The relationship certainly sounded a bit sticky (as in complicated) to me. Question for you: how important is she for the business? Could this be structured as a business expense for relocation expenses so as to have a tax benefit? I think that I would avoid a loan as the financial strings and obligations would drag on over time.</p>
<p>Have been here. I wasn’t comfortable totally saying no but I wasn’t comfortable with lending $1500. What I said was I can’t do the $1500 but I will lend you $750. I also took it out of the pay over a period of 6 months. That way I was assured of getting my money back but also the employee did not have to come up with the money all at once. In our case it was someone who had worked with us for a long time.</p>
<p>I think I would have more of an issue if she had gone to your husband for a loan to pay back her debt. In this case, she is going through a divorce, she may not be getting much from the settlement to help her move back to the city. I don’t think it’s strange or out of line for your husband to want to help out a good employee. But I would structure it so she could pay a little back each week, even if it’s interest free.</p>
<p>I agree with the other posters who said that your H has to structure it as a business loan rather than a personal one (and take the payments out of her paychecks).</p>
<p>I tell my H to blame me if he ever needs a way to say no to an awkward situation. As in, “I wish I could help you out, but Suzi will go ballistic if I do it.” Most people are very aware that money issues especially, are huge in marital relationships, and won’t press the issue.</p>
<p>P.S.
When I was much younger, my secretary asked for a $500 loan that I felt pressured to make. She made about $50 worth of payments to me, then said she couldn’t pay the rest.</p>
I doubt that would be legal. It’d be best to structure it up front and have it covered by a written contract specifically stating the terms. I’d also make the payback period quick - 2 to 3 months at the most.</p>
<p>The OP notes that the woman no longer works for her husband but is a former employee so no means of taking out of the check.
I have a small business. An employee asked me for an advance on his check, with payday being three days away. I told him I didn’t want to do an advance but would personally loan him $500. Wrote a personal check with a large note “personal loan” on the check. He thanked me profusely. Payday came around, he got his full check and didn’t pay me back. It took me months to get the money back. Fast forward and again he asks me for an advance. This time I had our accountant cut his payroll early instead. Learned my lesson the first time. Doing this is like having the person go to one of those advance check cashing stores. The problem is that they are already behind financially and having money before they have earned it exacerbates the problem.
I have loaned larger sums to friends, not employees, former or present. We have been paid back but DH and I always discussed it first. Always agreed that if we never saw the money back we were okay with that. </p>
<p>Definitely structure it with paperwork and make it an advance. Collect it back in a very short period of time, like 90 days.</p>
<p>Didn’t we read that she is going to work for him again? If not, without that recourse, I would use that line above, “I would love to, but I just can’t”</p>
<p>if possible dont do it, however if you do, spell out the terms clearly… i once loaned money to an employee with vague repayment terms “i know you will pay me back as soon as you can” … which to that employee obviously meant something different than what i thought… i felt myself becoming very resentful, when i would hear her talk of going out to dinner, new clothes she bought, vacation plans etc when months had gone by without the first penny paid back. i finally had to ask for it back and then she was mad at me! “you said when i could!”</p>
<p>This woman is going through a divorce. I have seen too many women stuck in a marriage because they couldn’t afford to get out. If I could help someone in that situation I would forego few dinners out, and this is not someone OP or OP’s husband didn’t know. This is not a loan to go on a vacation or for new clothes. Maybe Op’s husband wouldn’t have said yes if it was for a frivilous reason. Considering the woman will be working for the husband, I don’t think it would be that hard to get the money back - it’s only worth maybe 2 weeks wage.</p>