<p>I echo what others have said: I am so sorry for your loss and cannot even begin to imagine the grief and pain you are feeling right now. My prayer is that some day, some how you will see that there is some way that others can learn from this awful tragedy. It is indeed senseless that so many good, precious lives have been destroyed. And yet, down the road, maybe someone will be touched by this story and you will know some semblance of peace.</p>
<p>We are all here for you. You are in my prayers.</p>
<p>I’m so sorry for you loss. Those of us who have not suffered as you are lucky indeed. I hope you can find peace and know that your son was an adult and there was nothing you could have done.</p>
<p>OP, in the next few months you need to find a copy of *Man’s Search for Meaning *by Viktor Frankl - We are in Texas, too, and it is required reading in HS, so you might already have it in the house. This is not a sunny self help book. It was written by an Auschwitz survivor who happens to have been a psychiatrist. The book addresses how people have coped with deep suffering while maintaining hope and dignity.</p>
<p>tears for the families you know who are also mourning these wrenching tragic losses today…</p>
<p>You know that you raised your son to have great potential as an adult and you must believe that you did create a great foundation for him, and that he was more vulnerable to substances than other young adults for reasons that are not in your power. He was unlucky since so many people we all love have also done risky foolish reckless things and somehow survived. It didn’t mean that he didn’t have a core of great potential, ability to love and be loved, intelligence, talent and depth that your family built in him and sparked in him. </p>
<p>give yourselves credit for the beautiful things you gave with open arms to your son daily in this world, for the love and companionship and loving lessons you provided for him. He would not want you to blame the parents of anyone, but most especially he would tell you not to blame yourselves.</p>
<p>What a tragedy. I’m so sorry. You are living every parent’s nightmare. We all wish we could keep our kids in a protective bubble forever, but we need to let them live their lives and make some mistakes. Unfortunately, sometimes those mistakes are fatal.</p>
<p>He was a loved child. You know that in your heart. I hope you can find peace in the coming days.</p>
<p>OP, I am so very sorry for your loss. It’s already been well said on this thread - you did your absolute best as a loving parent. Please don’t blame yourself.</p>
<p>To the question of how do you and the rest of your family go on after something like this, I can only offer the experience of my H’s family. His 16 yr old sister died in a plane crash in 1970. Now as a mother of teens, I often look at my MIL and think “how did you survive?” I think it was a matter of taking one day at a time, living with the eventually diminishing tide of grief, and accepting the support and love of the people around her. Of course, there will always be a deep hole in her heart, but she is an active 80 year old woman who adores her husband, her children and her grandchildren, and lives a full, happy life. That is my wish, my prayer for you.</p>
<p>Please keep posting - CC will continue to be a great source of support and comfort for you.</p>
<p>How people survive tragedies and move forward is pretty incomprehensible, but we all have to take comfort in the fact that it thappens. Just as I don’t really understand how airplanes stay in the air, I don’t understand how parents survive the death of a child…but they do. Know that they do.</p>
<p>I am so sad for you and amazed at your bravery and consideration in posting here, others will learn from your story.</p>
<p>I have had occasion to know some kids who went astray in college, some are still on their journey, but one friend’s daughter is herself again and successful. But what is really, even now, amazing to the mom is that her DD is her old self again. The fact that the DD has a good life is good, but more critical to her mother is that she has her baby back and her baby is happy now.</p>
<p>Even though your son was on the wrong path and he seemed a stranger and was doing strange things and was hostile and simply not that boy you loved…inside, down deep, he was still your sweet little boy. My friend saw her DD emerge from a struggle somewhat like your son’s and saw that child she had been missing come back.</p>
<p>I don’t know of if it can help, but I try to put myself in your shoes and I think it would feel good to not just wonder who my child had become, but also to remind myself that he was also still the lovable boy I had known! Your boy did not have the time to re-emerge from his struggle and share that with you, but it was there, somewhere inside him. All the good things you loved in his growing up years were still a part of him, even if he was confused and lost for a while.</p>
<p>I was afraid to open this thread for fear of what I would find. I only wish that there was something any of us could say or do to raise this grief from your heart.</p>
<p>I admire your courage in writing about this, but even more I admire your open-heartedness in feeling compassion for the other families when yours is breaking. </p>
<p>Know that you did nothing wrong. This was not your fault. Our children are hostages to fortune, and any one of us, any day, could be in your shoes. Your generosity in writing about this may stop one kid, some day, from getting into that car or taking that extra drink, and that may save their life, and if so it will be because of you and your dear son.</p>
<p>I have been thinking about your post this morning and wanted to say that it is a real sign of your strength that you shared your story with us here at CC. I hope you will continue to reach out and find some solace, in real life and here. If it is helpful to you, please continue to post here. I can’t take your pain away, but I think I’m not alone in saying that I am moved by your story and even though we don’t know each other, I am sharing your burden a tiny bit.</p>
<p>My prayers for you, your family and all those involved in this tragedy.<br>
Thank you so much for posting this.<br>
My son, just last week, rode home with a driver who was drunk. It was only a 10 minute drive and he is usually very cautious. We argued about this for an hour. He just couldn’t see why I was so upset…
I had him read your post. He was very quiet, gave me a hug and said Thank you for sharing that mom, I will never ride with someone who is drunk again…
Thank you again</p>
<p>I also printed your original post this morning and had both of my sons read it. Thank you so much for having the strength to share this with us.</p>
<p>I really have no words and cannot imagine what you are going through. I am so very sorry for your loss. My prayers are with you and your family, especially your daughter who has lost her twin brother. </p>
<p>I, too, have sent your post to my son. It will mean more to him than my warnings ever could.</p>