<p>You are in my thoughts.</p>
<p>I am so sorry for the loss of your son. Although I have never met you, I grieve with you and your family, as well as the families of the other children. You will be in my thoughts and I hope that time will bring you peace, love and healing. Thank you for sharing your painful story.</p>
<p>The driver of the car lost the fight at around 10:36 this morning. I don’t feel vengeful or angry towards this boy and I made sure his mother understood that. revenge wouldn’t change anything or bring anyone back. </p>
<p>And again, thank you ALL for your outpouring of support. I am crying as I read some of your thoughtful, big-hearted comments. </p>
<p>This morning I had a talk with my daughter, who said she hadn’t slept all night (I slept 4 hours, the most I have slept since the incident). We went out to sit in the bench in my mother’s backyard, one of my son’s favorite hang-out places when we came to visit (S was born here, in this city where he went to school and my mother still lives here. The funeral was held here, and we decided to stay here with my mother so we could be there for the other parents). D told me through tears that she was never, ever going to drink alcohol and she would discourage the people around her from doing it. I told her that, ultimately, college students will be college students and they just HAVE to learn to be responsible in order to avoid harming themselves and the people around them…</p>
<p>D is really torn up. She and DS were twins and they look so much alike, but S always thought of her as his “little sister” when they were growing up. They were best friends. I just feel so sorry for her, because I just know that, as a college student, she’ll inevitably witness this same situation again and again. </p>
<p>Thank you so, so much. It truly means a lot.
-penny</p>
<p>I read your post this morning and was overwhelmed with sorrow. I cannot begin to imagine putting one foot in front of the other and trying to function. Thank you so much for having the courage to write on this board. I am humbled by your willingness to share. </p>
<p>As others have said, it is not your fault. I believe with all of my heart “there but for the grace of God go I.” We can never be smug and think it couldn’t happen to one of our kids. I hope that your friends will be able to toss aside their fear of saying the wrong thing and come to your side and help to hold you up. </p>
<p>You will be in our thoughts and prayers.</p>
<p>You and your family and the family of the other person who lost his life are in my thoughts and meditations, PsychoMomTx. Please continue to use this board to vent and to get support.</p>
<p>Please, please know that what happened was not your fault. Please get the support you need – including through Al-Anon (where you’ll find that others have lost beloved offspring in similar ways) and Compassionate Friends. Take your daugher, too, to Al-Anon.</p>
<p>One of my friends this year lost one of her twin sons in a tragic car accident. What another friend – who lost a child similar to how you lost your son – told me was that many people will comfort mothers, but the same people often don’t realize that the siblings also need support and comfort. Friends of siblings who are young adults, teens or children, may not know how to be of support to them.</p>
<p>Perhaps there is a group in your city for young adults/teens/siblings who have lost siblings. </p>
<p>If not, Al-Anon may be a way that your D, too, can get support. It has been a great help to one of my friends whose beloved son died as a result of his addictions.</p>
<p>I know that my beloved older son did many behavior similar to what your son did. It is only due to luck that I have not walked in the shoes you’re walking in now. I fully know that offspring may choose to deviate greatly from how they were raised, and even the most loving parents can not stop offspring hell bent on risky behavior.</p>
<p>Please know that your taking the time to post may help other parents not experience the heartbreak you’re experiencing. Some young people will read and heed the message in your post.</p>
<p>I wish you & your family the strenght to process what you can- & take as much time as you need to.
Don’t be afraid to ask for what you need- don’t be afraid to decide to take a break and not think about your son for 5 minutes.</p>
<p>Remember what the flight attendants say about the oxygen masks- for the parents to use them first- because if they don’t take care of themselves- they can’t take care of their children.
Please take care of yourself- it is allowed.</p>
<p>I am also going to print this thread and give to my younger daughter- she is about your sons age & while she isn’t in as much trouble as far as I know, there are still signs.</p>
<p>Perhaps this Al-Anon book about grief may be helpful:</p>
<p>[Opening</a> Our Hearts…](<a href=“http://www.al-anon.org/b29.html]Opening”>Conference Approved Literature (CAL) | Al-Anon Family Groups)</p>
<p>I am so very sorry for your loss. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.</p>
<p>I’m so very sorry. It sounds like your S drifted away a while back, despite all you, hubby & DD did to try to reach out to him. It is so painful when you know you will never see or hear from him again. My heart goes out to all of you at this most difficult and challenging time. </p>
<p>When you are interested in finding an outlet, MADD and other organizations would welcome your help, to prevent others from having the agonies and tragedy you suffer.</p>
<p>What a tragedy. My thoughts are with you… :(</p>
<p>I too am so sorry about your son and the other three young people who were killed in this terrible tragedy.</p>
<p>Take time to grieve. Be good to your H and D. Take one day at a time and help each other.</p>
<p>Give yourself the freedom to smile and laugh at good memories when they come to you.</p>
<p>My deepest prayers go out for you.</p>
<p>Sitting here in pain with you…
I’m so sorry.</p>
<p>I am so, so sorry about your loss. As one who has lost a child - to illness, under very different circumstances - I can tell you that you are at the very beginning of a long road. I understand your grief and your feelings of blame, even if they are not logical to others. As a parent, I felt that my DD’s illness was my fault, after all, I’m her parent and should have been able to protect her, right? It took me years to deal with these feelings. In your case, your S was at the threshold of adulthood - he clearly made a number of mistakes that cost him his life - mainly getting in that car with an impaired driver. But that was NOT your fault. In fact, you were not even there to tell him not to get in that car. As someone else posted, teens and young adults often feel invincible. Please be gentle with yourself. There are many resources that exist to help you cope with what you are dealing with and with what you are feeling. Please know that you are not alone. Being a bereaved parent is a painful, lonely existance but there are others who know your pain. One option is to see if there is a local Compassionate Friends group near you. If that is too difficult right now, there are online resources. Sending you (((HUGS))). Feel free to PM me if I can help you in finding those resources or in “listening”.</p>
<p>“How people survive tragedies and move forward is pretty incomprehensible, but we all have to take comfort in the fact that it thappens. Just as I don’t really understand how airplanes stay in the air, I don’t understand how parents survive the death of a child…but they do. Know that they do.”</p>
<p>In response to the above post - Parents survive the loss of a child because they have no choice - you cannot change the past. You take one minute, one hour and one day at a time and you repeat this for a long, long time, and, eventually, you begin to rejoin the rest of society but in a “new normal”. You survive because you know that your child was full of life and had a promising future, and that no one knew them better then you, therefore you need to survive to carry on their love and potential and their memories, hopes and dreams. We keep our children alive by keeping their love alive. I am not saying it is easy, but I am saying that the surviving comes ultimately from our children and the unbreakable bond of love we have with them.</p>
<p>I am so very sorry for your loss.</p>
<p>Oh. I am so sad for you and your family.</p>
<p>My impulse is to say that this loss is unbearable. But we know that it can be borne because it must be. At first, you tell yourself it must be borne because your daughter needs you. That is why you will get up each day. And that will be enough.</p>
<p>That we can bear such pain and continue is amazing but true. And we start to heal bit by bit. And the hurt dulls a little. We are forever changed, but we do go on.</p>
<p>Please be kind to yourself.</p>
<p>PAO2008 ~ your post is so lovingly and beautifully stated. I am so sorry for your loss as well…</p>
<p>I am so very, very sorry for your heartbreaking loss. My thoughts are with you-</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>Very poignant.</p>
<p>Reminds me of a line from Fanny Flagg’s Fried Green Tomatoes:</p>
<p>“A heart can be broken, but it keeps beating just the same.”</p>
<p>Condolences for your loss, too, PAO2008.</p>
<p>I’m so so sorry, Psychomom. I hope you can gain some peace from the many wonderful memories of your beautiful boy.</p>