I have accepted to and am considering several north eastern boarding schools. It’s a very difficult decision and I am trying to gain as much info as possible. However, it’s really hard to get an idea of the school’s acceptance towards LGBTQ kids. Obviously all of them have a policy of acceptance, but I’m more interested in actual student experiences and perspectives. I’m thinking how many LGBTQ people are at the school, how comfortable do they feel, how are they treated by the other students, etc. I would love to hear about LGBTQ experiences at any prep boarding schools, but especially at Choate, Andover, Exeter, St Paul’s, Lake Forest, Webb, Cate, Groton, Lawrenceville. Thank you so much to any who responds!
It’s been a while since our son was at Choate, but it was definitely an LGBTQ friendly community. During his time there, he produced this video (among others) for SMASS that you may find helpful. I doubt the culture has changed much.
I’ll add, IME, it’s less of an issue for girls.
Not to say that it’s an issue for boys, but let’s be real, these are teenagers - you will hear the F-word at times. And I dare anyone to find me a HS where that’s not the case.
But overall, yes, you should anticipate an accepting environment
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You’re right, there’s little doubt the F word is still used, but rarely at the boarding schools we are familiar with (maybe occasionally/quietly/behind closed doors). And if a kid feels targeted and decides to report it as a slur, the offender would face major disciplinary sanction.
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Have you considered asking Admissions to put you in contact with current LGBTQ students? A frank discussion with one of them might be best.
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my friend goes to andover and has said that they’re super accepting there + i go to a hidden gem BS and have not had any problems whatsoever. just surround yourself with the right people!
source: i am out as a lesbian
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My nephew went to one of these schools (a pretty big one) and is gay. Never an issue.
My daughter goes to one now (a very big one) and not an issue. Her best friend on campus is openly gay and one of the most popular kids in the class. True and timely anecdote: She just told me about another openly gay student who is a very good athlete and is also very popular asking her best friend out. Folks were a-twitter not because they were both gay, but because he said no.
It’s not a thing at my daughter’s school and I suspect not at any of the others. It’s revisit season, so if you have a chance to get on campus you’ll sense it right away. And you can ask directly.
I’ll ask my daughter this, but my observation to date is that openly gay boys on campus are more common than openly gay girls, so I don’t co-sign with @skieurope take.
Feel free to DM me, OP.
I would say that the larger schools have stronger LGBTQ communities simply because they have larger student bodies. If there are more LGBTQ students then there will be more opportunities for connection–both in terms of friendship and relationships.
I work at a hidden gem boarding school, and have had two of my own children (both queer) attend. I also serve as an advisor, and in a few other roles that oversee wellness and inclusivity in our community. I would definitely encourage you to: 1. Ask admissions to connect you with current students who can speak to the LGBTQIA+ experience 2. Review the student handbook, paying attention to core beliefs and disciplinary structure around hate speech 3. Ask about any affinity groups on campus as well as any connections to affinity groups in the surrounding community. 4. Inquire with Admissions and/or Student Life about inclusivity in residential spaces. Is there any affinity housing options? Are there all-gender spaces on campus? Are there any specific rules in place regarding inter or intra dorm visitation for same sex couples? You will learn a lot about a school based on their willingness and ability to answer these questions for you.
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