Life in a prep school.

[goaliedad]

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Also, my son, is a lot more independent, now than he was 2 years ago, and of course a lot less maneuverable than he was. In a way, that’s a very good thing. BUT he really LOVES his school. Can you really force a 17 year old to change school without creating more problems than you solve.

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<p>I’m not sure if I agree with the entirety of the sentiment about being more independent if you feel he needs supervision to ensure that he puts adequate time into his studies.</p>

<p>It sounds more to me that he is in a school that does not have demanding expectations of their students, and your son is highly skilled at manipulating the system to get away with doing as little as possible.</p>

<p>Perhaps a change of scenery to a place where (like in 9th grade) he is less sure of his place. You will need to break his learned behavior of living to minimum expectations. A place that keeps him on his toes long enough will eventually lead a kid to figure out that he needs to go all out all of the time, and then the rewards from that become self-reinforcing.</p>

<p>I agree a repeat of 11th grade might be in order and perhaps you should look south of the border where private schools aren’t subject to the same privacy rules, so the house parents know where your son stands academically and the parent’s expectation.</p>

<p>However, you should be careful as many of the Tier II and Tier III schools that have rolling admissions may not be the type of place that will push your son constantly. When talking to schools, don’t give away your priorities, but ask open-ended questions as to how they manage academically challenging students to keep top grades.</p>

<p>Another issue, is your son aware of how much grief his performance is causing you and if so is he sensitive to it? </p>

<p>He may well be playing you (and your Husband) knowing that there is disagreement in the family as to the expectations upon him. You may need to pull him out of the school to show him that he has miscalculated his game playing (another part of the same idea that keeping him uncertain is a way of changing behavior the rewards of correct behavior become self-reinforcing).</p>

<p>He didn’t get into being “lazy” overnight (as you mentioned). Be aware that it may take 2 or 3 years to get him into a self-regulating productive state.</p>

<p>Good luck.</p>