My mom is almost 90 and still working part time. I think she has only stayed at the job this long because it gives her social interactions rapidly vanishing within her age cohort.
^ well my dad solved the friendship issue by making friends who were younger than he was. He passed away last year at age 85 but many of his buddies were in their 50’s and 60’s!’
I’m not REALLY that old but a few years ago I changed organizations to get in a younger group. All my friends were ten to fifteen years older than me. I could see that 10 years down the road I’d be looking for a new group anyway.
H has a group of younger friends—all my friends, as we are all a decade plus younger.
My dad DID have a group of guys 15-20 years younger that he golfed with but as he was more breathless and unable to golf, those friendships have pretty much evaporated. 
I’m with @TatinG
My mother never smoked or drank and, as the surgeon told me before surgery “she was very healthy otherwise”, yet she died at 64 after quintuple bypass surgery (her father died at a similar age and post-heart surgery as well).
My father, on the other hand, smoked and drank a ton and lived 12 years longer (to 78). He, too, was physically fit and played golf, etc. Lung cancer spread to his brain and killed him.
My take: a lot of this is programmed into you. You can screw it up (smoking => lung cancer) but there is an expiration date. My father probably would have lived many more years seeing as his mother was “with it” well into her 90s. Of course, as my father said, his mother was “meaner than a snake” … so maybe that’s the key to longevity 
I’ve been spending too much time on 23andme.com and promethease.com … but I have to note that on my mother’s side, there were four kids. The oldest from a different father (scandal!). Anyway, the oldest is still cranking along at 90+. We saw her recently and she’s definitely “with it” still although simple age has taken its toll physically (typical stuff, tires easily, etc.). The three from my grandfather have all had heart problems: two sisters died at 64 and ~70 while the youngest, my uncle, is still alive but had quadruple bypass surgery in his late 50s and stents/re-stents since (he’s 70+). One conclusion from this small sample would be that the heart problems came down through my grandfather. None of the siblings smoked or drank much and were fit.
Here’s where the genetics get a little weird. My mother was brown hair, brown eyes, and relatively darker skinned. Her father was blond/blue and her mother was brown/brown. My father was blond/blue. I have two sisters and one looks like me (brown hair, blue/green eyes) while my other sister is blond/blue. Our bodies are all of the same type, that of my father. Guess who has heart trouble? My blond/blue sister … yet she’s the one most like my father’s family who doesn’t have a significant history of heart issues!
I do think that genetics has a profound effect on longevity. But a good genetic chance of long life can be ruined by bad health habits or bad luck. Look at the Queen. She is 92 and walks without assistance. She seems to be in excellent health, rarely misses an engagement on her schedule. Her mother lived to be 101. Unlike her sister who died in her 70’s, the Queen never smoked or drank to excess. Prince Phillip is in good shape for 96 also. I expect the Queen’s children to live to be in their 90’s at least.
My grandfather lived to be 97. My dad is 92 and his sister is 95. My mother died at 100. Her father died at 90 and her mother at 86.
These long-lived family members all practiced moderation in most things. And they had genetics and luck (no accidents) on their side.
Jimmy Carter has significantly outlived his siblings -the big difference there was smoking.
As I recall, his siblings died of pancreatic cancer, a cancer cluster in one family. I thought pancreatic was associated more with drinking than smoking.
We hope we are long-lived so we can see as much of our son’s life as possible. We were 40 when he was born, so there is an empty generation between us. I think about this more often that I used to. Even though he is in the military where he studies the art and ethics of intentional death, his youth clouds his grasp of mortality. He believes his dad and I will live beyond 100 because he can’t fathom otherwise. He still has all of his grandparents, so how could anything happen to mom and dad for a very long time, right? I have posted before that given the way he has “planned” his life, we will be in our early- to mid-70s before he might even have a start on a family, so improving and preserving our health is very, very important to us. I look at health and longevity almost as an obligation to him before being a benefit to us, but I am bothered by the timeline and the fact that some things are just out of our control. We do want to be in our son’s life as long as possible, but we don’t want to outlive reasonable health. We don’t want him to ever worry about us but, of course, we can’t count on that.
Smoking is listed by both ACS and ASCO as pancreatic cancer risk factors. Chronic heavy alcohol consumption is also listed by ASCO.
https://www.cancer.org/cancer/pancreatic-cancer/causes-risks-prevention/risk-factors.html
https://www.cancer.net/cancer-types/pancreatic-cancer/risk-factors
Then again, my grandfather smoked like a chimney. He started at 12 in Eastern Europe, with unfiltered cigarettes. He smoked until the day he died - at 95, with pristine lungs, no cancer, no emphysema. (Oh, and he also survived 2 World Wars in Europe as a Jew.)
Never can tell.
Well - you can sort of tell. Obviously every person who smokes or drinks excessively doesn’t get cancer. Statistically though smoking is certainly a gamble. Smoking is a risk factor for many cancers.
IIRC, Carter’s siblings had some kind of genetic predisposition to pancreatic cancer independent of lifestyle choices. But I’d have to look it up to be sure.
ETA: Jimmy Carter said that the only difference between him and his father and siblings was that they smoked and he did not.
I had read that quote from Carter in one of his books. I guess it stuck.
@ChoatieMom --You’re post speaks to a lot of us. Thanks.
Just a few thoughts as I pondered your post and felt every word.
I was almost 40 too with son. No empty generations involved though… My kid filled in the blanks. It wasn’t about me.
It was about staying involved. I’m positive you did likewise. (Jimmy Buffet, James Taylor and Billy Joel helped…)
I’m younger today because of it.
EVERY kid on the planet believes in the immortality of those closest to them. I truly believe it’s a survival tactic born of the genetic code.
It doesn’t matter too much how old you are as a parent if you are ready to welcome the challenge.
Exercise is not for the weak. But it makes you stronger. Keep trucking. Kids or not.
Do it for YOU.
“but I am bothered by the timeline and the fact that some things are just out of our control. We do want to be in our son’s life as long as possible, but we don’t want to outlive reasonable health. We don’t want him to ever worry about us but, of course, we can’t count on that.”
You only control what’s in your sphere. So timelines and things out of your control are non-existent when it comes to many decisions. Hopefully you WILL outlive “reasonable health” (whatever your definition).
And I hope he DOES worry about you–because that is what love is all about in the end.
If Jimmy Carter had consumed alcohol in moderation all his adult life, he would likely get a couple of extra years.
^My dad’s side of the family never took a drink in their lives, and their longevity was amazing. Dad will be the same, I think - he’s 81 and going strong.
I have a family that lives well into their nineties but by early nineties their health diminishes and they all complain a lot and are unhappy. They have lost to death almost all of their friends, they have to give up driving, their strength diminishes and their eyes start failing. Some have neededcare so strangers in their homes. The quality of live is vastly different. No thanks, not looking forward to nineties or 100 if I make it.
One thing to consider is that by the time people who are in their 50s/60s today reach their 80s, there will potentially be 20 to 30 years of medical advances that may both extend longevity and also perhaps (hopefully) enhance the quality of life people experience at that age. Although you can’t count on it, its quite possible, and should be factored into the equation
NJres: It still might be halfway over. The human body is meant to live to about 120. Most just don’t get anywhere near that, especially in the states, due to the horrendous diet, lack of exercise or involvement, etc.