I come from a very religious, traditional background. Back in the 80’s, neither my brother or I would have dreamed of living with our sig others because it would have upset our mother. So, while I spent many nights at my fiancé’s apartment, we didn’t officially live together until the wedding. Same with brother.
Flash forward, my mom has undergone a radical transformation into the coolest grandmother ever. I don’t think she’d bat an eye if either kid (straight D, gay S) were living with a boyfriend. Times change, people change. (As an aside, every member of my very conservative Southern Baptist/Church of Christ extended family has totally accepted my S and his boyfriend at family functions. They completely destroy all stereotypes of Southern, rural folks! So proud.)
I expect that S will live with a boyfriend or two before marriage - mainly for financial reasons. However, I wouldn’t be surprised if D doesn’t. She is pretty traditional and conservative. However, I wouldn’t care either way - as long as I think the guy is decent and treats her well.
This thread is interesting, especially the “test drive” analogy. Got one of my own.
I was raised by first gen German parents, who married young. I always pictured their young courtship as very formal and prude. Boy, was I shocked to learn the truth! My dad had no car and got tired of riding his bicycle 10 miles each way to visit my mom during those harsh northern German winters. He knew if he got her pregnant, the vague wedding date in the far off future would become an immediate reality. What a scoundrel! Lol. They were married 53 years when he passed, and never failed to surprise me with his wit and wisdom about so many things. When my DH and I were engaged, they gave us a 5 day ski trip for Christmas. I tried to find a two-room suite or just two rooms, so that no impropriety would be assumed. He laughed so hard when I explained to him that finding such arrangements was proving to be difficult in our alloted budget. “You don’t buy the shoes without trying them on, do you?” Oh wow, that’s a bit awkward. We booked one room, and had a great ski trip. Almost 30 years later I still love that pair of shoes
When I think of the test drive analogy, I’m thinking of 100 couples and everybody gets to sleep with anybody within a short period and whichever couple emerges from that will be married. That’s how I test drive my car.
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Flash forward, my mom has undergone a radical transformation into the coolest grandmother ever.
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Sounds like my mom. Although for her, she had a stroke and the stroke wiped out whatever part of the brain that was “strict”. It also wiped out whatever part of her brain that previously made her give her sons “special privileges”. Post-stroke was an eye-opener for my brothers as they began to hear “no” a lot more often. lol
@shellz isn’t it funny when we find out things about our parents/grandparents that they might have “forgotten” to mention.
In my ancestry research, I found a previous wife of my grandfather’s. No surprise to my mom who knew about his first very brief marriage. The surprise was that this was his SECOND marriage, not first. Later, we figured out that it was someone he met at Cedar Point, got drunk with, and married the next day. Oops. Not sure how long that marriage lasted but I’m guessing not long.
He eventually met my grandmother and she had kid #1 with #2 on the way when they finally married (she was a British Army nurse and he was a Hungarian-American Army soldier who was briefly stationed in the UK). Doing the math from when he was over there, my oldest uncle must’ve been conceived within a month of their meeting. But, they were deeply in love for decades before they died 5 days apart- she from cancer and he from a broken heart.
Awwww, @romanigypsyeyes What a sweet story…sometimes you just know when it’s right. My daughter says she could never have fallen in love as quickly as her dad and I did…talked of engagement after two weeks (I was 18, he was 21), ring and a date at 4 months, married 1.5 years after our first date. We just knew…
Never lived together before marriage. I went from my parents home to my married one. I do wish I had lived solo prior to marriage, or even with my DH, as I think I never felt in charge of my own life. DH and I are partners in all things, but I do find myself leaning on him in our financial planning and such. He takes good care of me, which is great, but I worry what would happen if he wasn’t there anymore…I’d be lost. I’m happy that D is preparing to move cross country in a few months to take a job in a city she has always dreamed of living in. She is nervous, excited, and anxious to stand on her own two feet. It will be fun to watch her from afar, and it brings me a sense of peace that she will be able to take care of herself.
Living together was not an option for H and me back in the late 70’s. We had a long distance relationship the entire time we dated, not to mention it was very frowned on in small town midwest at that time. Of course I only knew of one couple who “saved themselves for marriage” (it was not us ).
When we married we immediately moved to another part of the country to a city that I did not care for. I had a job I disliked and missed family and friends. It was honestly not the happiest time for us but we stuck it out. Have often wondered if we would have if we hadn’t made the commitment. 35 years later I’m glad we did.
My grandmother told us all a story after my grandfather died: we knew they’d met because her older sister and his older brother were married, but we didn’t know about their “secret wedding”. They began dating as teenagers and being good Italian Catholics, sex before marriage was OUT, but being teenagers, they were…tempted. So they hatched a plan - they would sneak down to Maryland from NYC and get married because there was no waiting period there. They got married by a judge and went back home to their own parents’ homes and resumed their regular lives, with the ability to now do things that married couples do.
The plan worked well for a time, until my great-grandmother sent Grandpa’s suit to the cleaners. Grandpa had left the marriage license in his suit pocket. The dry cleaner, thinking he was being helpful, called his home to say he’d found it…oops! A proper Catholic wedding was quickly arranged. They always celebrated their anniversary on the official Catholic wedding date and never told their kids or grand kids, but I guess Grandma decided that enough was enough and she wanted everyone to know how long they had REALLY been married! What made the whole story so astonishing is that Grandpa was a by-the-book ex-military officer who wasn’t about to approve of rule-breaking of any kind in HIS house! To think of him as a sneaky teenager getting secretly married was mind-blowing. But it worked for them-they made it to 65 years together before he died.
Oh this brings back memories … my family was fine with it but my girlfriend’s family had some trouble sharing the info with their extended family, even tho she shared an apt with a fellow male student her senior year. He actually is one of my best friends now. For us the ending was a bit different. We were so good at keeping a long distance and open relationship that when she graduated and we moved in together it was hard for both of us to stay monogamous. We eventually met our future spouses while we were living together. We tried reconciling a couple times, yeah that was adventurous! Eventually tho, we parted ways and kept our distance, even tho we kept in touch. We are still in touch (very little) even tho our kids are now college age. We were “together” 10 years, starting when she was 15 and I was 17, lived together for 2 (in our mid-late 20s). It’s been 30 years since we stopped being intimate. Here’s wishing yours good luck and safe blessings! Living together was good for us. Then I lived with my future/current wife (2yrs?). Eventually wifey laid down the ultimatum, marriage or split. I chose marriage because she was the best I could see me finding, meaning, I was (am) lucky to have her.
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