<p>My S never went to a prom in HS. He apparently wasn’t interested. He had romances of some sort when he attended summer programs, but never went on a date in HS. I was the same in HS. I rather hoped that he would have a more “normal” social life, but it was not to be.</p>
<p>It’s a small HS–under a thousand students–and I think some of the kids shy away from relationships that may end up being too awkward in the long run. In addition, when it comes to proms and other formal dances, many boys have absolutely no interest in the expense and the whole scene. </p>
<p>S now has a very nice GF in college. It appears to be a fairly serious relationship. Ironically, he has actually socialized with the very girls I hoped he would date from his HS on vacations from college, but it appears to be a "strictly friends: situation.</p>
<p>In some ways, dating has gotten easier for those post-college. They go to eHarmony and matchmaker. com. My adorable 23 yo son was telling me the other day that he’s baffled by the uncertainty in dating.</p>
<p>He always knew how to “follow the process” at school (look at the syllabus for assignments and due dates) or in obtaining a job (cover letter, resume, interview), but dating??!!!</p>
<p>If it makes you feel better, my ds1, who never dated in HS, asked a wonderful girl, who also had never dated in HS, to the prom senior year. Keep hope alive. They went in a group of 21 that included only six “couples.”</p>
<p>I know a lot of things have been suggested… and it sounds like yours is not one of the schools (like ours is) where girls go sort-of-stag, with each other… if they don’t have a date. And it is not seen as at all odd; this is done by “popular” girls, not just “wallflowers” (I realize I am showing my age with these terms).</p>
<p>But what about her asking someone she knows from outside of hs? One of the church groups or others you mentioned? </p>
<p>Just in case it helps… I chime in as another parent of a didn’t-go-to-prom-kid. Said he didn’t want to. I didn’t believe it the first year (jr); sort of believed it the second time (sr year). I felt badly for him, as well as deprived of my birthright Kodak moment, but he lived through it fine and I am over it as well. He’s 24 now. (didn’t take me quite that long ).</p>
<p>I’d also gingerly suggest that you dial down your own concern. It is only October. No need to make this a bigger deal than it is, and it’s sounding a little like it’s a bigger deal to you than your daughter. I didn’t attend my hs prom and now it’s kind of a funny story to mention. My boys have attended with real dates, with female friends, with someone they were set up with as a prom date by mutual friends. If <em>she’s</em> interested, you might have her mention it to her friends in the spring. I think teenagers like helping out in these situations.</p>
<p>I just want to update this post. Prom has come and gone and it was a very painful time for my D. She was one of a very small group of girls not asked by anyone. She bravely let all her friends and acquaintances know that she wanted a date…not a single one stepped up for her. She ultimately asked a number of boys until one who she knows from outside activities said he would go with her. To add insult to injury, she ten had to pay our school $85 for the privilege of bringing someone from another school. Prom is included in the activity fee for the students at our school but to discourage bringing outsiders, you must get approval and purchase a ticket for dates who don’t attend the school. She wasn’t invited to any picture parties nor had a limo. She asked around a lot - finally got herself invited to a picture party hosted by a girl she barely knew ( a huge thank you to the parents of that girl - they have raised a compassionate and lovely daughter who saw the pain my D was experiencing and reached out to her). no limo- all of them were filled and she and her date were odd man out so they drove to prom. My D summed up the whole experience as embarrassing and humiliating. Not sure if she had a nice time - she has been very quiet about the evening itself.<br>
Yes - I am bitter. No one should have to experience the pain that my D went through over a school dance that the school administration, parents and students make so important. My D learned a valuable lesson about friendship…a painful one.
I pray she goes to college, finds a good group of friends and a boy who will respect and feel blessed that she is in his life.</p>
<p>That said, all of you cc’rs out there, if your child is going to his/her prom, please ask them if they know of anyone who might not have a group and to include them. They must know someone in this situation. I promise they will be happy that they did.</p>
<p>luvsunshine, I’m so sorry your daughter had such a lousy experience. </p>
<p>For my D college has been a much better environment. In HS she never quite fit in. I used to worry because she didn’t have much of a social life. But in college she has wonderful friends, a great bf, and suddenly isn’t the geeky smart girl anymore, because she attends a school where EVERYONE is a geeky smart girl.</p>
<p>So sorry to hear this story, but proud of your D for putting herself out there and at least managing to go to Prom. If it wasn’t a great experience, at least she tried and she won’t spend the next few years wondering what she missed. </p>
<p>S was on the opposite side of this. After screwing up his courage for weeks, he asked a girl to a big hs banquet (not prom) the day before a weeklong break. Her response, “I don’t know, let me think about it.” So he had that uncertainty hanging over him all of break! Then she ultimately said no, and went with a group of her girlfriends instead. That was rough… he eventually went with a group of guy friends.</p>
<p>I feel so bad for your daughter. I can also identify with her. 40 years ago I too asked a boy from another school (nice guy- blind date -not very attractive). I actually had my cousin set it all up and then I had my cousin take another dateless friend of mine. So at least we had the four of us to commiserate together.</p>
<p>I was the Junior Class VP and had actually planned the whole event…I was the girl who gets things done, not the girl you date.</p>
<p>I agree that college was way better. A whole new group of people–a new level playing field. Tell her to move on- write it up as a learning lesson. Life is full of them! Feel free to rip up any pictures–that is okay too. It might just be therapeutic!</p>
<p>Forget all these people. Very, very soon she’ll be 100 miles beyond caring who got invited into whose rented limo. I mean, seriously? This drama is just the death throes of middle school. She needs to wipe the dust of this 1950s mentality off her feet and head off to a school where she can associate with some sophisticated adults. She’ll never need to give a moment’s thought to this crowd again.</p>
<p>Hugs to your D. I hate the drama of prom, and so far I have had boys. In 2 of the 4 proms, they were dumped the week before prom, one of the dumpings occurring in the HS front office, in front of kids and administrators. They both managed to salvage a new date, but at our school the adult prom leaders “help” rescue these situations. The expense, the drama, the stress, the drinking–I wish they’d ditch prom.</p>
<p>Have an 8th grade D left and I think there will be more prom drama. She’s the sports loving girl who guys love to pal with, but won’t ask out. Been there, done that. Not fun. Tell your D to hang in there–college is lots better.</p>
<p>Thanks to everyone for your comments. It does make me feel better…still worry that this has taken a huge toll on her self-esteem and she seems a lot more withdrawn when it comes to boys. She needs just one boy to recognize her for the beautiful, smart , funny and nice person she is. He will be ver lucky!</p>
<p>I am thankful daily that high school is over, for me and for my kids. I can promise you, luvsunshine, that some day all these high school disappointments will be meaningless, both to you and to your d. She’s about to move into a much bigger world, where who she is will be much more important than those pre-determined high school identities.</p>
<p>Hugs to both of you - better days, much better, are on the horizon.</p>
<p>Hugs to your daughter, who will find college much better. </p>
<p>In case this thread re-surfaces next year, many colleges are finished before prom season and freshman boys are back home - some of whom may not have dated much in high school but would be happy to escort a younger friend to prom.<br>
If he’s a music major, he already has the tux…</p>
<p>As a freshman, a friend of a friend fixed me up with a guy I had a crush on (I don’t know what happened to him, but it wouldn’t surprise to learn he is gay). That year, there were 4 freshman girls who went to prom, and I was the only one who didn’t end up pregnant and married by junior year! In fact, one poor girl was a widowed young mother by the end of her sophomore year. </p>
<p>I never got asked to another dance or on any kind of date during the rest of my high school years. Almost the same in college. I’ve always had lots of male friends, but just no one interested in dating. </p>
<p>Once I met H (whose background was similar in regard to dating), none of that matters.</p>
<p>My heart goes out to you and your daughter. This must have been very difficult for both of you…so much energy for something so silly, yet such a real stressor for teenagers…and their families. The nice thing about college is moving on, reinventing oneself or at least leaving the high school roles behind. I hope she is looking forward to all that awaits her. I can’t help but wonder why her friends did not step up — I know high school can be a time of self absorption but really. Strength to you and your D. I hope she can leave high school without being bitter or cynical about dating.</p>
<p>Picture party is a pre-prom party. Parents are invited, some people cater it with drinks and all. It usually lasts for an hour or so to allow parents to take pictures.</p>
<p>D2 decided she wanted to go to her old school’s prom this year. They all went as friends, each one had a date, but they were all from the same group of friends. They thought they were all going to one kid’s pre-prom party, but were told 2 weeks before hand they weren’t invited. They asked D2 to fix it, us being 2500 miles away, she asked a guy friend to have it at his house. His parents had to scramble to put it all together.</p>
<p>D1’s junior prom was a major drama. She asked her best guy friend to go, only if he didn’t have a date yet. He said yes, but then his love interest (who didn’t like him before) decided to ask him to the prom. He was embarrassed to say no to D1, but really wanted to go with the other girl. He ended up not getting a tux until last minute, didn’t get D1 a corsage. H had to get a corsage for D1. This guy hooked up with this girl at the post prom party. D1 didn’t have any romantic interest in this guy, but she was very embarrassed by the whole situation. He behaved so badly, his best friend punched him for his bad behavior. His mother actually apologized to D1 for her son’s behavior. D1 also went to a small private school where I knew most of the kids. This boy apologized to D1 at some point, but he was afraid to come to our house for years. It is only in the last year or two that he felt comfortable in seeing us. D1 and him have remained good friends through college. </p>
<p>High school prom is a major dram. It does get better in college. Tell your daughter to hang in there. It takes those boys a bit longer to appreciate finer things in life.</p>
<p>Tango10 - A picture party isn’t really a party, it’s where everyone gets together before the prom (or banquet or whatever the event) to take pictures. In the age of Facebook, the picture party may end up as important as the event itself. Everyone takes tons of pictures, which end up on Facebook. All the girls comment on the pictures telling each other how gorgeous they are and how much they love each other. The more people at one picture party, and the more pictures they post, the more popular they appear. </p>
<p>I don’t mean to sound cynical - many of these kids (read: girls) really are close friends, and the picture gatherings are great fun for the parents as well - it’s one event where the kids don’t mind having their parents there, because the kids can be in all the pictures if Mom and/or Dad are the ones behind the camera. </p>
<p>Honestly, with some of the more minor dances and banquets, I think that for many of the girls getting together with their friends to get ready and take pictures beforehand, and post them all on FB, is more important than the dance or event itself.</p>
).</p>