<p>ihs…I just reread the thread so that I could get all the info together and when I got to post #23 I wanted to cry. I am beginning to feel like this is never going to change, and I worry that once I am not here she will be lost in her world. </p>
<p>I am making several phone calls today…thanks again to all who checked in and those who had some treatment suggestions. My daughter recognizes she is in bad shape which makes taking the nest step easier.</p>
<p>Just cross posted with Jym…I will be checking that out right now…thanks</p>
<p>You are right to want to cry. This is not fun stuff. Borderlines are very difficult to deal with and can suck the lifeblood out of you. So getting your own support systems solidified is very important. And being honest with yourself and her and others is important too. If she is a borderline, she will continue to rationalize and lie and deny and wreak havoc. Destructive behavior is very common. You will do yourself the best favor if you shore up your resources and set healthy boundaries. I think we talked a lot about boundaries in the previous threads about her behaviors.</p>
<p>I was just on that board jym…so scary and so much of what we have seen is being talked about on that board. I can see the need for boundaries because my daughter tries to suck everything out of us and will become the focus of our conversations and life if we let her. We are treading carefully right now so as not to cross the line into leaving our own lives and my healthy kids lives behind. I am not even angry at her anymore…I have accepted that my daughter is ill. A while back I came to the conclusion that this can’t destroy us if we don’t let it.</p>
<p>I am the other mom to whom antique was referring. Things are busy for me today and at the same time I wish to respond to your queries and will do so later today/tomorrow. </p>
<p>There are a lot of misconceptions about BPD including some well meaning yet completely off base comments on this thread. Some quick things:</p>
<ol>
<li><p>Those with BPD aren’t capable of manipulation. It certainly feels that way when you are on the receiving end, but the person suffering with BPD is using the only coping mechanisms they have at the moment.</p></li>
<li><p>BPD has a biological basis, including disorders in the Amygdala.</p></li>
<li><p>The Eggshells book is good for describing BPD, but frankly lousy for anything else. Rules and Boundaries and Limits don’t really work and in fact can cause a huge amount of other issues. It doesn’t mean there aren’t consequences to a person’s behavior but you can’t force it.</p></li>
<li><p>There seems to be a lot of resistance to diagnosis by professionals and the DSM V is actually reviewing diagnosis for children under 18 under certain circumstances. Label or no Label, the effective ways to support a loved one exhibiting the traits is the same.</p></li>
<li><p>TARA is a great resource for information. </p></li>
<li><p>You cannot force a person into therapy.</p></li>
</ol>
<p>An example that might help see how best to help is one with BPD I use frequently and to which many can relate. Say someone you love has a weight problem. You love this person and it makes you sad when this loved one eats poorly and is not physically active. When you see the person with a weight problem eating a second or third or fourth piece of cake I doubt you’d say to yourself “my loved one is manipulating me because they know that their weight problem makes me sad”. You might say to yourself “ if they only would exercise they’d feel a lot better” or “Can’t they see what they are doing to themselves”. Do you really think the person who STRUGGLES with their weight wants to be heavy? Do you think they want to feel embarrassed because they can’t shop at normal sized stores, can’t walk down the street without feeling like everyone is staring at them, judging them. Imagine how they must feel going out to eat where they are afraid people are thinking poorly of them. They know if they go out they’ll be tempted to eat stuff they shouldn’t but seeing everyone else around them eating normally only make them feel more shameful about themselves. You can’t force an overweight person to exercise and eat more healthily. You could exercise yourself, cook healthy foods, not smoke or drink to excess yourself, and at the same time what is helpful is to acknowledge the person who struggles with their weight is trying the best they can, view them with love and compassion.</p>
<p>I’ll respond more later but feel free to PM me in the interim.</p>