<p>Completely agree. There is no price of admission to a wedding.</p>
<p>I think you should simply call it a luncheon or a tea, and invite people without regard to whether they are likely to attend the wedding. If anyone actually asks, you can make it clear that it is not a shower. There may be those who will bring gifts anyway: your D can thank them effusively–and open them later, thus avoiding an impression of “showerishness.” She can use the excuse that she wants to open them with her fiance, if necessary. (And of course she’ll get out the thank you note right away, right? )</p>
<p>I agree too. What I would spend is based on my closeness to the person and what my budget is. If I wanted to spend $x on a given couple, it wouldn’t matter to me whether they were entertaining me with punch and cake in the dining room or a five-course steak dinner at the Ritz. </p>
<p>I think just calling it a luncheon is fine.</p>
<p>I love the idea of your grandmother hosting. </p>
<p>I also want to recommend that you consider inviting a few people to the wedding whose your company your MIL will enjoy. This will make your weekend much more pleasant, given what you said about her feelings towards your family.</p>
<p>Okay, well I remember reading the gift price “rule” decades ago and used it as a guideline when I was much younger and didn’t have much money and needed to figure out how much would be appropriate to spend. Obviously it is outdated. In any event, I don’t know why I even included that statement, because I was really trying to say that if you don’t attend the wedding, you are not required to send a gift, a card will suffice - which I think was OP’s concern about inviting certain distant relatives who would not likely attend the wedding and she didn’t want them to feel obligated to send a gift. I do remember reading this etiquette rule, but of course it may be outdated now too.</p>
<p>Now that I think of it, I included the first part of the rule because it went with the second: If the bride spends nothing on you because you can’t attend, then you are not obligated to send a gift. Of course you can send one if you want to, though.</p>
<p>I can think of few things as charming as having the grandmother host. </p>
<p>I also like the recipe idea because it addresses the desire of guests to bring something without turning it into another occasion where people might feel they should bring a formal gift. </p>
<p>Also, you must have jym626 do the invitations!</p>
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