<p>I recently found out that someone close to me has committed a sin of omission by deleting a important fact about something ( which I eventually would learn at a time too late to do anything about it), and about something that didnt matter, which makes it even more puzzling to me why they would lie. </p>
<p>I dont ever lie, except white lies to save someones feelings. " Oh, this is * delicious !*
I have a crappy memory & its just easier that way. Also, if I am lying to save myself initial trouble, Ive found that it often snowballs & its easier to tell the truth in the first place.</p>
<p>It makes me sick to my stomach & makes me wonder what else they lie about.
I dont know what to do.</p>
<p>EK, if you can, avoid this person going forward. Easier said than done, I’m sure. From now on, you’re not going to believe anything tis person tells you.</p>
<p>I recently lied to a friend who wanted to borrow our gas grill. In my experience, this person always turns a simple thing into a big deal, and I didn’t want to go through that. </p>
<p>Maybe I’m just a pessimist, but I believe there are more people that are willing to lie than those who are honest. It’s especially bad in business, with “I’ll be out to paint your home on Friday” when they have no intention of being there Friday. I am not even a “Oh, this is delicious!” person, saying something like, “I like the coconut in this.” Honesty has always been one of the top virutues I value in other people. </p>
<p>If the lie in your situation “didn’t matter”, you can choose to ignore it, or you can ask why they felt they couldn’t tell you everything. Calling someone out on a lie may help them stop lying, especially if done gently.</p>
<p>About 10 years ago when I went back to college I wrote an essay, on the “art” of deception - I can recall several things that stood out as I did my research - there are more synonyms for the word “lie” and “deception” than there are for the word “love” - and that when a person “chooses” to lie, it is a conscious decision to deceive another (or others) - once I realized that, I started trimming people from my life - as noted above, I would never believe a word that came out of their mouth again. </p>
<p>I think there are “lies” and then things that I guess are technically lies but most people do not consider them to be so. What do you say when you are invited out by a couple that you do not care to spend time with? What do you do when someone asks you if you think they made the right decision, when the decision is irreversible? Or if a friend excitedly shows you something she has just purchased and asks if you like it? I think these situations require diplomacy, and technically I know I have “lied” in answer to all those questions in the past.</p>
<p>If someone close to me lied to me about something material that did not involve preserving my feelings I would speak to them about it. I would want to be able to determine if I should be re-evaluating the friendship. Bu then I am a pretty direct person, I just don’t have the patience to go “round and round the mulberry bush” with people. If you are a friend, act like one, and if not then thats o.k. too, but I want to know.</p>
<p>When my kids were growing up, I tried to impress upon them that it is better to be truthful and deal with the problem, than for me to find out later ( cause I always do) and have a bigger mess to fix.
Unfortunately, not everyone was raised that way.
Some people try and avoid any conflict, real or imagined at any cost, to spare them being uncomfortable in the short term.</p>
<p>I work for a compulsive liar. It is difficult. As much as I think I have learned to deal with it I have not. I think it colors my perceptions of life in general. I need a new job.</p>
<p>There are so many people who lie to get ahead. It amazes me. I read a study that stated millenials think they are less ethical than their parents. I wonder if that is true?</p>
<p>I know that my kids had a different attitude about downloading music when they were in high school.
They didn’t see anything wrong with downloading files that were hosted without compensation going to the artist.</p>
<p>Oh that’s a tricky one. Apparently most people like every couple of minutes in conversation. Not big lies, just white lies, I guess? I read that. Sometimes I wish people weren’t quite so honest (like if they tell me something someone said about me – a couple of times that has happened, and honestly I think I’d rather not know). But anyway, I had a friend who lied about everything – big lies, little lies, and random. She sometimes told the truth. So it was super confusing. A mental illness, I think. Sad. And she has lost many friendships because of it. If you do continue to have a relationship with this person, just remember that anything he or she says is suspect. Don’t count on them for anything.</p>
<p>You said “a sin of omission” – a recent thread on this site asked if you would call someone and want to get involved in any way if you knew something you think they should. Many said no, stay out of it. Is this a case of out and out lying (saying A while knowing B) or they failed to give the whole story?
I don’t think cases like this are black and white. I</p>
<p>The omission was surrounding someone who would be present at an event that would change the tenor of it.
I couldn’t have done anything about it regardless, but it would have helped before hand to know that person would be there.
I don’t do well with transitions & surprises.
It wouldn’t be a huge deal, but why they didn’t say anything I am not sure.</p>
<p>Normally no. But there have been times MIL has called to talk to DH and instead of saying he doesn’t want to talk to you right now I’ll say he’s not here. :^o </p>
<p>They were probably afraid you wouldn’t come to the event and they wanted you there. That’s a good thing!
Look at the scenarios–
Tell her–she doesn’t come at all. (Party giver–feels bad) Choose between friends.
Tell her–she comes but worries about it and blames party giver for inviting this person.(bad) Choose between friends
don’t tell her- she comes and things go smoothly. Who cares after all? (Yea!)
Don’t tell her–she’s unhappy but she got invited (good)and now it’s her problem (good) .(Still feels bad but now it’s your fault)</p>
<p>My feeling is that nobody is responsible for your feelings. The “I don’t do well with transitions and surprises” really puts the onus on others to take care of you. They invite whomever they want to the party and it’s a done deal. Don’t like it–leave. (Now if it’s a very SMALL dinner party my opinion might change but only for exes etc) And my opinion may change if the party giver is VERY close to you and really should know better.</p>
<p>I’m guessing it’s the upcoming reception of OP’s D. I’m also guessing that the party who was invited is also a relative that would have been hurt to not be invited because of OP’s feelings. But gouf is correct.The OP’s stance makes her feelings it others’ problems. And I don’t think that’s the way to go.</p>
<p>I have siblings that don’t speak. At all. They have blocked each other on FB and don’t even have each others’ phone numbers. I no longer live in my hometown as they do, but if I did and was having an important event, I would invite them all and let the chips fall where they may. They are grown ups, presumably they’d figure out how to handle it. </p>
<p>The person doing the inviting in the OP’s scenario was in a lose-lose situation. It sounds like she’s have been annoyed either way. I don’t consider leaving out information lying at all. If faced with this, I’d be right up front and tell them to act the way they were raised, but that’s just me.</p>