<br>
<br>
<p>lol…that is what we say, too! MIL Time Zone</p>
<p>we had a thread awhile back discussing chronically-late people. Often it is because they dont allow enough time to get ready and/or they dont allow ANY pad time for hiccups (traffic, cant find something, etc).</p>
<p>I had a colleague who told her MIL that her (the colleague’s) second baby’s due date was 3 weeks later than the actual date. This is because MIL drove her crazy with baby #1 asking every day for the 2 weeks before the baby was due if she was going into labor yet. </p>
<p>Common theme to these “white” lies is compensating for predictable but unreasonable behavior or expectations. (Not in EK4’s index case, just the ones mentioned later in this thread.) There’s something to be said for adjusting rather than confronting.</p>
<p>Confession…</p>
<p>My kids’ high school had summer reading/homework that was due the first day of class. The first year, S1 finished within hours of school starting…irritating…and just made for a miserable end of summer.</p>
<p>The following year, the school pushed back the first day of school by a week, but son didn’t realize it…and I didn’t correct him (lol). </p>
<p>So, when he finished his summer homework during the last few days of vacation (thinking school started the next day), I got to tell him that he really had one more week of summer. And we had a relaxing last week!</p>
<p>Some people, myself included, really have a poor sense of how much time has passed.
I can go out into the yard, intending just to work in it for a couple hours, maybe at 9-10am.
But the next thing I know, my H is pulling into the driveway at 2-3pm.
I have to run into the house, go pee and clean myself up so it doesnt look like Ive been out there all day, before he gets into the house. ( not that it matters, but i will get lectured that Im doing too much)</p>
<p>Just today , my mother and I had a discussion about liars. It was a great talk and she told me things about her childhood that I never knew. I lie to my oldest sister when she asks me if I know things about family that she found out about after everyone else. I do it to avoid conflict and to make her feel better about being intentionally left in the dark about family issues and happenings. She is so negative that everyone just always seems to say " Don’t tell K "
Other than that, I am against lying in any form…
And I also have major trust issues with people that are not related by blood ( except that one sister ) or my own husband and a very few employees. </p>
<p>Here’s some (hopefully) comic relief about lying:</p>
<p><a href=“The Most Absurd Lie You've Ever Heard”>http://jezebel.com/the-most-absurd-lie-youve-ever-heard-1574153003</a></p>
<p>Some of the people sound so pathological, and so narcissistic, but others - well, I just love some of the stories. This one had me gasping for air:</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>Im finding out things now about my kids that I never knew or even suspected.
My kids are 8 years apart, oldest being a very sweet, but not quite demure, petite girl, who liked cats and art and dancing.
Youngest was much more challenging. I had to take the climber & swing set down when she was five because she was jumping off the top of it.
I didnt find out until they were both grown that the oldest had been telling the youngest *horrible *tales for instance about what lived in the basement and where ketchup came from.
I never dreamed she would do something like that, but it explains alot.</p>
<br>
<br>
<p>emeraldkity4: I think there are many of us on this board who would love to have you as a friend; I cannot imagine you have people in your life who try to bring you down with statements about your weight or your job. Try to think of it, if you can, that their meanness is a reflection about them. What I have always wanted to do but never have…yet…is to say did you really mean to say something hurtful by that statement or did you not realise what you said. I am 57…so who knows…I may actually get around to saying that one of these days!</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>My stepdad told me that the big tree in the back yard with the long stringy leaves/branches was a spaghetti tree. I got really angry at my neighbors for laughing at my insistence that we did in fact have a spaghetti tree in our back yard. </p>
<p>To veer off track a bit, what do you do when you are 99% sure that someone is telling you a “social lie”? (For example, the outrageously unbelievable reason why someone no-showed a social engagement.) I find it easier to just let my eyes glaze over rather than confronting them in the lie. But then I wonder if they really thought I was so dumb as to believe their outrageously unbelievable lie. </p>
<p>When people obviously lie, they are saying they don’t care if you believe them or not.
The only thing to do is laugh it off and say you are sorry they missed the equally outrageous ( but false) incident that occurred at the event.</p>
<p>
Say this: “I’m so glad those awful rumors I heard aren’t true!”</p>
<p>Some years ago, when my father died I was taking courses at a school that was not my undergraduate alma mater, just some ug business courses for no degree, just to gain knowledge of the materials. At my father’s funeral, I did not correct and go into the assumption that somehow got made that I was working on my master’s at my old school. Believe me, no intent to fool anyone. Just too tired, distracted, depressed and plain old sad to say much of anything, and it really did not seem very important.</p>
<p>Since then, it’s come up a number of times. Several people told other people and it was just presumed that I was working on my masters at that time. I had to laugh, when I had an opportunity to read a Private Investigator’s report on myself that stated this. It was clear that this PI had gotten all the scoop from my one cousin who was at my father’s funeral–didn’t do any more checking beyond that, as almost everything that was in there was from conversations that day. My brothers and I howled in laughter over that. So much for those reports.</p>
<p>But just to say, sometimes these lies of omissions have no intent to fool anyone. Sometimes one is just doesn’t have enough steam to do more than to kind of let some things go that are presumed, or assumptions are made because things aren’t made clear.</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>Funny in your situation, but terrfying that anyone would take what someone’s relatives say about them as gospel!</p>
<p>I have had the experience of having a kid come home after one year of college. Our whole family practiced various “stories” when acquaintances inquired about the situation. Nothing we ever said was an outright lie…we just practiced until we came up with a good generic shortcut. Mere acquainances didn’t want to hear - and we didn’t want to share - the whole “he has Aspergers and Executive Function Disorder and we thought he would do well at a small liberal arts college, however, in the spring when he went off his meds…” Better for all to say “he didn’t really like the school” or “he thought he’d get the basics out of the way at a community college” - all true but not the entire story, which the mom inquiring when we ran into her at the grocery store didn’t want or need to know anyway.</p>
<p>There are “none of your business” lies–"as described by MissyPie–but I think I could make a case that people would be better served by the truth, even in that situation. The mom inquiring at the grocery store might be dealing with her own child’s issues, for example, and would be relieved to know she’s not alone. </p>
<p>Over the years, I’ve come to believe that not lying is usually easier in the long run, even for so-called white lies. However, if it’s too late to change into something else, “you look wonderful” is always the right answer. (Of course, the truth could be “that color makes you look so young”.)</p>
<p>Justforthis, that is incredibly kind to say. You just made my week!
My mil, is better than she used to be, but in combination with certain relatives the snark just comes out.
I wish I could go ultra cool and polite, a la Miss Manners, but it still takes me by surprise.</p>
<p>So it sounds like even those who claim to not lie are lying. We all do it to varying degrees. Don’t be in denial. Just be honest with yourself and everyone else that the answer is simply Yes. Don’t equivocate. White lies are still lies. Judging the lies of others, but not being honest about your own lies is hypocrisy.</p>
<p>There is not a happy man who has not lied at least once to his significant other. Don’t lie, fellas, you know it is true!</p>
<p>Actually, I dont think it is always appropriate to be honest, if it is going to hurt someone needlessly.
For example, say I or my sig other was unfaithful years ago, and recognized it was a mistake as soon as it occured. Nothing is gained by being honest, except to relieve the conscience of the confessor, but placing then that burden on the innocent party. </p>
<p>I think there’s a huge difference between volunteering the truth and responding truthfully when asked a question. I don’t need to say “those pants make your rear look enormous” if I’m not asked, but if I’m asked I might well say “no, they’re not very flattering.”</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>Yeah, it’s like answering the question “how are you?” Most of time it’s a social nicety and the person asking the question really really really doesn’t want to hear about your impending divorce or even that your parent doesn’t have long to live. In most cases you say “fine, yourself?” and continue down the produce aisle. The trick is in sensing when the other party might be looking for more.</p>
<p>We actually had that situation, and our honesty was quite helpful.
Me to mom of kid Son’s age: How was your son’s semester at Out of State U?
Her: Just great. What about your son’s?
Me: Not so good. He is not returning next school year; he will be attending cc.
Her: Mine, too! His grades were not good and we made him come home.</p>
<p>So yes I agree that sometimes if you disclose imperfection, the other person will, too.
But not everybody needs to know your business.</p>