As the wife of a former elementary school teacher, I concur. Dh quit in part because of how he was required to teach material. The material didn’t change, but electeds who never spent a day teaching thought they knew better what every child needed, but, no, it’s not the same for every kid.
I remember thinking how brilliant ds1 was, and then we get to kindergarten, and the girls ran circles around him. Now, he was still brilliant but many of the girls were ahead. Thankfully, I had the kind of boys who were pretty compliant and flexible who would do what was asked. But I know not every child had the advantages of my kids.
I read that article in the grandparents thread. I like following along vicariously.
The challenge is that learning is a very individualized endeavor whereas the structure of public education is not. I have no solution for this dilemma.
So much of kindergarten-readiness depends on what happens in the home and in the world prior to starting. Our family screams privilege with a capital, “P.” Ds had completed Hooked on Phonics with me by age 4. He’d had a year of piano instruction by the time he entered kindergarten. He attended a play-based preschool which put skills such as waiting in line, taking turns, hanging up your coat, and sitting still in place. Guess what? All those things made him more than ready for kindergarten. But I was a SAHM with financial resources who was willing to spend lots of time interacting with him. People who are barely able to put food on the table can’t do those things. And you throw my kid into a setting with kids who don’t even know colors and what is a teacher supposed to do? S/he has 20 kids coming in with a wide range of readiness. I cannot imagine the challenges.
I don’t like sweeping generalizations that holding boys back a year is the answer. That would have been a disaster for my boy.
The article implies but doesn’t specifically say that boys should be held back but not girls. That’s ridiculous and comes from a position of privilege. Lots of upper middle class boys get held back already because their parents can afford to keep the at home or at a private pre-school for another year.
I think the suggestion that teachers “don’t have time” for movement breaks and that they aren’t framing activities in a way that works best for boys (eg making things more of a competition or based on a practical rather than theoretical approach) favors girls and if the shoe was on the opposite foot would be described more explicitly as discriminating against boys.
My kid (born in '97) was potty-trained and knew how to say “please” and “thank you” before he entered kindergarten. I didn’t know he was supposed to be any further ahead than that. Reading? Writing? Numbers? Really? We were given a form at kindergarten orientation night (!) that asked what our expectations were for K. I thought that was just asking if you might have any, not that you should. I wrote that I just wanted our son to be happy to go into that brick building every day (instead of crying every.single.morning through second grade like I did) and that he would at least learn to nap. DH and I had no idea that the world had changed since we started school in the 60s. None. We assumed kindergarten was a half day of play, crafts, songs, stories, and naps. Guess not. But guess what? Kiddo “caught up” fast and was none the worse for his negligent upbringing to that point.
We really need to stop this acceleration madness and let the kids eat library paste, melt crayons on the radiator, and run around playing kickball until the street lights come on.
I, too, find it depressing, but not at all astounding. I have done thousands of Pre-Kindergarten physicals over my career, and I see many kids, nearly always boys, who are profoundly unready to start school from a behavioral standpoint. Examples: Kicking or hitting their mothers, hitting their younger siblings, interrupting repeatedly, climbing up onto the exam table and jumping off, taking out the stirrups and trying to use them as something to swing on, going over to the sink and plugging it up with handfuls of paper towels and then running the water, taking the speculums and other supplies out of the drawers, jumping around the room yelling while I try to talk to their parents. And the thing that all these situations have in common is that the parents do nothing to stop it. They consider it OK behavior.
Thanks for calling me mad - lol. It’s not like we did nothing other than work on academic enrichment all day long. It’s fine. I knew I’d get flamed. Personally, I wouldn’t let my child eat paste.
No, no, no @Hoggirl! I was NOT calling you mad or trying to flame. Really. I was just relating comparatively how naive we were when it came time for our son to start school. Ignorant doesn’t begin to describe it. Thankfully, he made it through in one piece.
Does anyone? Kids. Can’t control 'em.
I just think we need to let go of our own anxieties about where our kids “should” be at any given point. It’s the pressure that’s the problem. (Not saying anyone on CC would overly pressure their kids.)
I can’t know what’s in their heads, but I do think expectations has something to do with it. For example, when I do a pre-K physical on a well-behaved child (of either gender) I can tell that the parents expect (and insist on) good behavior. For example, if the child interrupts at all, the parent will stop and say “Don’t interrupt. The doctor and I are talking”, or if the child is swinging their legs the parent will stop and say “I expect you to sit still.” These parents expect their kids to behave, and they get results. This is not too much to ask of any (neurotypical) 5 yo at a 15 minute appointment. If a kid can’t do this, they start school at a serious disadvantage.
Our district did a kindergarten readiness assessment (my D was born in 2000). Kids had to be able to separate from their parents without melting down, know their colors, recognize letters and numbers, and be able to write their name. A teacher did the assessment (lasted about 15 minutes). An overwhelming number of boys were “red shirted”. So many that there was an extra year pre-school option in our town.
My three kids had the same upbringing. Lots of reading and activities. I was also a SAHM. My older son and younger daughter did great in kindergarten; my middle son didn’t. I imagine his teacher thought he didn’t have a great home life.
I guess it’s a good thing I can use emojis, because my jaw is definitely feeling some slack right now. I’ve been feeling lots of astonishment in the last several posts!
@fiftyfifty1, your experiences with the parents of the pre-k kids is truly mind-boggling. Consider my mind blown.
And my mind was nearly as blown by the kindergarten readiness assessment at your D’s school, @momofboiler1.
The CDC’s milestones for 5-year olds (source) includes this section on cognitive milestones:
I suppose the writing of their name and the length of the assessment was the most mind-boggling part for me. Heaven help students named Angelica or Zechariah!
I also saw the article posted first in the grandparent thread. I think the expectations have changed and not necessarily for the better. My son is a fall birthday and even holding him back a year (which in hindsight would have benefited him) he still wouldn’t have known his letters and numbers. My first two had K programs that were still play based with an introduction to sounds and letters in the spring. I don’t recall any of the kids reading. My youngest is five years younger and her K didn’t have the expectation that the kids know letters, numbers and sounds at the beginning of the year but did teach them early on with the goal of simple math and sight reading by the end of the year. Gone from the classroom was the full kitchen with range where my older two learned measurements by baking and the block and toy area.
All three of mine were different learners. I think the hard part is that most schools tend to work best for kids who are traditional learners. My middle was dyslexic and ADD and didn’t learn to read till 4th grade and that was through an outside learning method. He didn’t see himself as smart nor did most of his teachers. In middle school he started working with someone who made him realize he had his own gifts and he was smart. He is successful and has turned out great but many kids like him get lost.
We were not children of privilege even though my mother was a stay at home mother. But there were 6 kids. No preschool, no K for the oldest 3 of us. My sister, oldest, had a late birthday and still could read starting first grade. We had Romper Room and Captain Kangaroo. We did have doting grandparents who read to us, took us around town to do errands, sang songs about numbers and letters, had us help with cooking and using math during the day (both grandparents worked, but we were around them a lot).
They wanted my brother (#4) to repeat K and my mother said NO WAY as that would have put him in the same class as the next brother (#5). No teacher deserved both of those hellions (my grandmother’s term for them) in the same class. There was no academic reason to hold him back, but he did have maturity issues, and had a lot of energy and didn’t do well sitting in a classroom all day.
My neighbor’s daughter at the time had a child close in age to my child. Her child walked at about 6 months, but had no teeth. My child didn’t walk till much later, but had teeth at 6 months. Nothing she could have done to get the teeth in earlier, and my child got up and walked when they were ready.
They are both beautiful young adults at this point. We all develop at our own paces.
My daughter has a very traditional name, but it is several letters long. It was never an issue, she could spell it and write it before starting kindergarten.
but many of the girls were ahead. Thankfully, I had the kind of boys who were pretty compliant and flexible who would do what was asked. But I know not every child had the advantages of my kids.
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